I want so badly to think this doesn't fit me. I designed my body, I'm supposed to like it and feel comfortable like this. Yet I don't. Everything's been so different since we got to the surface. I love it here, but at the same time, I hate it. Everyone judges you on the way you look, how you dress, how much make-up you put on. The humans up here, not all of them, but a lot of them, don't care when they misgender you, or make you feel uncomfortable. I started wearing less make-up than I want to, and I stopped wearing pink, even though it's my favorite color, just so they'd stop saying I looked like a girl. Because apparently, up here, only girls wear pink dresses and make-up. Why is it so weird that I want to wear a dress? And I hate going out, even just for a walk. I'm afraid someone will notice me, and call me a girl or something. You must be wondering, what's so bad about being called a girl? Every time someone does, I flash back to nightmares I used to have, ones about Blooky not accepting me for who I wanted to be. I wanted to tell him I didn't want to be a ghost, I wanted to tell him I didn't want to be a girl. But I couldn't. And now I'm a robot, I'm supposed to be everything I always wanted. I'm supposed to be happy. But I'm not. And all the monsters still love me. They look up to me, underground, I was the only star. I was everyone's idol. But up here they have everyone else. Why do they still love me even though they have better stars? Better stars that get insulted but don't care, better stars that don't get like this when someone insults them. Why do I feel trapped in my body? I'm supposed to be cheerful and outgoing. But don't feel cheerful, on all of my shows I just fake it. I was laying in my bed, it was a little past midnight. I felt like I was going to throw up. I needed to talk to someone, but nobody would be awake. I don't want to wake someone up for something as dumb as this. Maybe if I just texted Papyrus, just to get it all out. Then we could talk in the morning. I told him everything. He read it. Oh god, I woke him up, I'm a terrible boyfriend! He replied almost immediately with, "Call me." I hesitantly dialed his number, I'm so stupid, I should've just gone to sleep, I shouldn't have sent it. "Mettaton!" he answered. "I-I'm sorry, Papy, I didn't mean to wake you up, I-I just-" "No, no, it's fine, I wasn't asleep anyway!" "You weren't? Why not?" "It's kinda dumb..." "You can tell me!" "I couldn't sleep, I was too worried about you and everything you said, and how you were sitting by the water, you'd never do that a-and-" "O-Oh, Papy! I wasn't... W-Well I mean, I-I was just sitting there! I admit it was a bit careless, but I wasn't trying to-to... to do that" "Oh thank god! I was so worried! I don't know what I'd do without you!" "Papyrus, you don't need to be that worried about me, I'm f-fine..." I looked down at my bandaged wrist. That's when it occurred to me, I wouldn't be fine without him. "Papyrus, can I come over? I need you."