I woke up the next morning and yawned. It was Saturday and everybody was still asleep. I got dressed and quietly went outside. A cold breeze blew through my hair and I took a deep breath. I walked to the park with my hands in my pockets. I sat at a table and lied my head on the table. It felt like everything was crashing down around me. I couldn't put anything into words, I couldn't express anything I was feeling.
My mind was always a tornado. I kept everything to myself. My thoughts didn't made sense to me, so why would it make sense to anybody else? Tears rolled down my cheeks and onto the table. I sobbed quietly and closed my eyes. I heard footsteps behind me and I lifted my head up. I quickly wiped my tears and looked behind me. Skylar was standing there and I faked yet another smile.
"Titus, are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I laughed awkwardly.
"Your eyes are red."
"Yeah, something was in my eye. It's gone now."
She stared at me with the most intense eyes I have ever seen.
"Tell me, Titus."
"Tell you what?"
"Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing is wrong, Sky."
"Do you promise?"
I stayed silent.
I took a deep breath.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Do you ever feel like... everything bad is your fault? Like you're an earthquake destroying everyone's lives and everyone's happiness?"
She looked at me.
"I feel like that all the time."
She looked at me with this confused look on her face.
"Don't feel like that, because it's not true."
"When did this become about me?"
"Since yesterday." I said softly.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I have this feeling..."
She stared at me.
"I love you."
"No, no, Sky, listen. I mean, I feel like we could be great friends and I could feel myself falling for you in the future. That sounded bad. I mean, like... you have been in my life for a day and you're all I can think about. Like, you make me forget about everything. I mean..."
"I have to go, Titus." She said awkwardly and walked away.
"Fuck." I sighed and slammed my head on the table.
As I walked through the door, I heard loud shouting. Everybody was awake now.
My sisters, Ella and Bailey, were sitting at the table with my brothers, Ian, Sean, and Leo. My dad wasn't awake yet and mom was cooking breakfast.
"Back from your walk?" Mom asked.
"Yeah." I sighed.
I sat at the table and Ian looked at me.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head and looked away, a concerned look came upon his face.
After breakfast, I walked to my room. Ian walked in too and sat on his bed. He stared at me from across the room.
I was laying on my bed, a pillow on my face.
I heard Ian cough and I took the pillow off of my face and looked at him.
He was still looking at me.
"What's up?" I asked.
Tears filled his eyes.
"Why are you upset?" He managed to say through the tears.
He stood up from his bed and walked over to me.
"You're upset, I can tell."
"Ian, don't worry, okay? Everything will be okay."
He stared at me, more tears falling from his eyes.
"I found your razors."
I looked at Ian, my eyes about to pop out of my head.
"Ian, please say you didn't show anybody."
"I didn't. Titus, you're my big brother. The only good one. Sean and Leo are bullies and they get into trouble. You always help me when I need it."
I stared into Ian's eyes, my own tearing up.
"I don't want to lose my big brother."
"I'm not going anywhere." I said, tears now rolling down my cheeks.
Suddenly, loud shouting came from the kitchen.
"I don't like it when they fight." Ian sighed.
"Me neither. Hey, let's go for a walk."
He nodded and put on a jacket.
When we got to the park, Skylar was back. She was avoiding me, though. I must have been staring at her because Ian pinched my arm.
"Do you like her?" He asked.
"Go talk to her." Ian said.
I walked over to her slowly.
Skylar looked at me and stayed silent.
"I just wanted to say sorry for earlier. I know it must have been awkward."
"Why did you say that? We only knew each other for a day."
"I don't know. It was something about you."
"Well, if you don't mind being friends, I'm game." She said and I smiled.
"I would love that."
Ian ran over to us and started dancing weirdly.
"YAY YOU'RE DATING!" He cheered.
"Ian, no. We're just friends."
"I'm sorry about him." I laughed nervously.
"Oh, by the way, this is my little brother, Ian. I probably should have mentioned that."
"You really should have." Ian smirked.
We walked along the lake, talking about our wildest dreams.
I saw her looking at my wrist. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, but some of my scars must have been visible. I casually pulled my sleeve down and she grabbed my arm.
"What?" I asked.
"What happened?" She asked, pushing my sleeve up.
"My dog, like... scratched me a lot. Like, I don't know how he got the lines straight but he's a vicious dog." I stuttered.
"Titus, why are you lying?"
"What?" I asked.
"I'm always here for you. You can always talk to me, even if we're having a fight. Tell me the truth."
"Titus, why won't you let me in?"
"Because then it will hurt so much more when you don't like what you see and leave."
She looked at me and sat on a bench.
I sat next to her.
"I'm like you. I'm scared to death to get up every morning. I have no clue where I'm heading with my life. But I'm here for you. We can get through this together. And look at your brother. He needs you."
I looked at Ian, who was throwing rocks into the water.
"You're not in this alone."
"I know. it's hard for me to believe that sometimes."
We talked for the next two hours about our families, our past, all of our issues.