A/N: Please do not skip this note. This is super important. Paraphrased from my Wattpad Author's note:
"So, I didn't update this on Wattpad for a while, and I'm sorry. But, y'know, things get in the way. I haven't exactly been okay recently, and this hasn't really been on the top of my priority list.
If it sounds like I'm a little pissed, it's because I kinda am right now. But before you run away thinking "oMg WhAt A bItCh", please allow me to explain what's been going on.
Don't get me wrong, I'm super grateful to you guys for reading this, and it really warms my heart to think that all of you like this story so much. I still read every single comment that comes in, the good and the not-so-good.
For example, on Wattpad I got a comment saying something along the lines of "UPDATE OR I WILL FIND YOU AND MAKE YOU UPDATE" (they know who they are).
These comments do not help me. Comments like this will be deleted, so just don't bother. This can be classed as threatening, I don't care what the official guidelines for Wattpad (or this site) are. I do not like these comments, they just make me stressed out, and I hate being stressed. I'm stressed enough already as it is.
So just don't. Okay?
And, of course, I've just been feeling really bad recently, and so I haven't been able to find the time, inspiration or energy to write this story. But I'm going to start trying again :)
But other than that, thank you so much for reading, voting and commenting, it means so much to me. I'm sorry that I don't really update frequently, but quality over quantity, right? :D
Welp, that's it for now :)"
So, that's that. Thanks for reading my rants, and I hope you enjoy :D
This one's dedicated to one of my online friends, XenFeather (find her on YouTube under the same name~) for just being a goddamn awesome person and friend. xoxo <3
Dan and Phil kept talking for a little while, but Dan felt that his side of the conversation was strained because of what had just happened.
He couldn't move past or for some reason - it just... stuck in his mind, and through the following conversation about who their favourite character in Howl's Moving Castle was, it was constantly bugging him. It was always at the back of his mind. He wondered if that was the case for Phil, too. Somehow he doubted it, because the simple and easy conversation was still flowing from the messaging app.
But still, he couldn't help but stop and wonder...
Was that remark even the slightest bit true?
Dan hadn't realised that he hadn't replied to Phil's last message until his phone buzzed again.
AmazingPhil: Dan? You there?
Are you okay?
Dan mentally slapped himself out of his daze and pulled himself back to reality, to the present time. Phil was messaging him. He needed to answer.Now, Dan!
danisnotonfire: yeah, I'm okay. just thinking, I suppose
AmazingPhil: What about?
If you don't mind telling me, that is.
Dan smiled. Somehow Phil knew exactly what to say.
danisnotonfire: eh, school, coming out, school... school
AmazingPhil: Well, let me know if I can help you with anything, okay? :)
danisnotonfire: thank you (:
AmazingPhil: No worries ^-^ What are friends for?
Dan almost typed that he would know, as he'd never had any good friends. Sure, there'd been a couple that didn't ditch him right off the bat, but nobody had stuck around, either.
AmazingPhil: Are you really okay, Dan?
You seem a little off at the moment.
I'm sorry if I'm pushing the issue too much, but I'm kinda worried right now.
danisnotonfire: I don't mean to worry you, I'm sorry
AmazingPhil: No need to apologise, Dan, I'm just a little concerned.
Dan considered telling him everything, he really did, but he just coildnt seem to find the words to say it. He couldn't find the right words to tell Phil that these conversations meant the world to him, and the thought of coming home to one of them after an awful day of school was the only thing he had been looking forward to today, the only thing pulling him through the day.
He wanted to tell him, god he did. But he couldn't. He couldn't find the courage to make his fingers type the words.
danisnotonfire: nah, it's okay. just had a shit day, is all
AmazingPhil: Aw, that sucks :/
danisnotonfire: yeah, but I guess it's getting better
AmazingPhil: Well, it's better than nothing, right? :)
danisnotonfire: ... I suppose so (:
AmazingPhil: Want me to Skype you again, if it's easier?
Dan smiled again. Just the thought of seeing Phil again, even through a screen, made him feel happy.
danisnotonfire: sure (: later though, I dunno when dinner's gonna be or whatever
AmazingPhil: Fine by me :)
I'd like to talk to you again, it was so fun last time :D
Leave it to Phil to be the happy, forward guy in the relations-
Wait, wait, wait.
Where the fuck did that come from?
danisnotonfire: yeah, it was (:
I suck at conversation though, so I'm sorry if it was awkward af
AmazingPhil: What are you talking about, it was fine :) I had a lot of fun talking to you :D
Dan honestly couldn't tell if Phil was serious or not, and it was annoying.
Don't you believe me?
If Dan was being honest with himself, no, he didn't really believe that at all.
danisnotonfire: it's not that, it's just that I wouldn't have much fun talking to me
AmazingPhil: Well, I'm not you, am I?
danisnotonfire: good point
AmazingPhil: You're just going to have to trust me on this one, okay? :)
danisnotonfire: okay (:
AmazingPhil: That was so cheesy.
danisnotonfire: I know, good god
AmazingPhil : That turned into TFIOS so quickly.
danisnotonfire: heard that
that book was so sad
the movie was worse
AmazingPhil: Oh no, we are NOT going into that.
danisnotonfire: I agree
And the conversation naturally drifted to happier subjects from there, with Dan feeling ever so slightly happier than before.
Conversation with Phil was so wonderfully natural, unlike most of the conversations that Dan had managed to hold this long in his life, which were all strained and forced. But he imagined that with Phil, they'd never run out of things to talk about for once.
And there Dan was again, thinking about meeting Phil, which was another topic on his mind practically all day. Not that he minded, of course, it was one of the happier subjects he thought about. At least he wasn't thinking about death a lot.
He'd imagines so many scenarios about the first time he would meet Phil. One would be the initial awkward "Hello"s in Starbucks, eventually leading into casual conversation, just like how the kik conversation had started off like.
Another one was Phil and him hugging in a little coffee shop, the atmosphere immediately light and carefree, where they would have no worries about awkwardness between them, or judgement from other people.
And of course, there was the dreaded scenario of awkwardness that would inevitably lead to them never talking again. He tried to avoid thinking about that situation at all costs.
His favourite scenario to imagine was the coffee shop one. He definitely liked that one.
But they'd just have to wait and see, wouldn't they?
And the wait was absolutely killing Dan inside, and he had a feeling that Phil didn't really feel the same. Or maybe he did, and Dan's depressing imagination was running wild again, who knows. He couldn't really be sure about anything at that point in time, because anything could lead anywhere.
He wondered which direction Phil wanted it to go.
He wondered which direction he wanted it to go - he wasn't entirely sure himself.
So he kinda panicked when his phone buzzed with messages from PJ.