She stops and looks down, her cheeks flushed with slight embarrassment.
,,I did something stupid,” she says, her body still as it slowly adept to the cooler temperature the water around her offer.
They stop and look up at her, eyes warm and hazy, a match to the as always endearingly smile upon their lips.
,,I don’t believe you,” they answer, and she tugs down the black shirt that’s covering her upper body and arms. Her skin still itches.
,,Don’t be sappy,” she retorts, reaching out for them when they move toward her, fingers running through her bleaching hair, and further down the darkening skin below them.
,,Not like that,” they whisper, as her arms envelops their abdomen and pulls herself close to them. Her eyes close, allowing herself short moments of amity.
,,Like gold and honey and moonlight,” they whisper in her hair, and her eyes open as she tilts her head back, eyes wide and blank, but not crying just yet. They reach up and cup her cheek, and she melts into the touch, her head tilting and lips sighing.
,,What did you do?”, they asks, retreating from their entanglement, but still leaving a untold connection between them as their hands intertwines.
,,I called my therapist out. And ended up leaving midsession, and telling him that I wouldn’t come back.”
They stop, a proud smile upon their face as they caress her face.
,,But Dear, you aren’t a healthy person-“
,,I know. I know, but please mother, let me try. Let me out of here. Let me touch the world, just this once, and if it doesn’t work, I will follow whatever trail you lay out in front me.”
And the woman sighs, doubt and scares filling her body.
,,I don’t want you to get worse. I just want you to be okay again.”
To breathe truly. To be neither right or wrong. To maybe fit, or face that I never will. To walk this earth with steps that contains beautiful doubt and shattering determination.
Her mother reaches out and hugs her.
,,Relax,” she whispers, and her daughter does, slow steps at a time, until she’s nothing but a puddle against something stable.
,,I trust you. I do. So go do what you need to do – even if it means hurting yourself even more.”
The paper calls for her again. Like a demon hiding in the shadows, small and unseen, but a storm to recognize.
,,They have to leave,” she whispers, as she moves backwards to those previous letters of hers. What if they leave?
,,I’m so stupid. But I really thought..”, she hisses and twists her fingers tight around the pencil, body shuddering and toes curling. There really is nothing easy laid upon this world, is there?
,,That they would stay,”
,,You’re only young and naïve, small one. And they do tell you to jump, because oh what if you fly? But please mind the fall, small one. Fling out your arms and absorb it, wreck the things that wrecks you, and smile at the things that smile at you.”