,,Stars are funny things,” she notices one day, feet coming to a sudden stop and breath hitching just a bit. She sits down, tugging in her legs and body leaning slightly backward.
She wished she could run forward time – that she could see the way the world moves around this star filled ocean. Or that she was bigger, and the stars were smaller and that she could reach out, far and beyond and maybe, just maybe, hold one between those frail hands of hers.
,,But for now, I’m content with the one I have here,” she says, hands reaching up and tugging at her chest.
,,Hey little guy,” the cat instantly reacts upon her voice, head turning and body rising as he meows his greeting, small paws moving toward her and she squats down in greeting. Her hand reaches out, instantly met by a small head bud and soon the velvet fur between her fingers, soft and easy.
She smiles just a bit.
,,Why can’t you just be happy as you are?”, and she bites back a gasp, because the words hurts, but still not as much as the way her breath painfully tears from her throat.
,,I-“, words struggling, world tilting and tears falling. An aggressive move, wasted sounds and lost laughter.
,,Argh, don’t apologize!”
,,Sorry-, crap no, I’m not sorry, I mean-“
And he only looks at her, eyes tired and exhausted and
,,You never really wanted me,” she tells him loudly, voice a mix between soft edges and hard scars. ,,You just wanted to hurt her. Did it work for you?”, her sound carries no remorse, and her eyes channel towards something unrecognizable.
,,That’s wrong. I always loved you, you know that-“
,,You can’t just say that. Your actions carried nothing alike those words,” she bites back, heart gasping and squirming. I’m sorry she tells herself.
,,I know. I can’t explain it to you. I was just- angry.”
So am I she screams but doesn’t. And I am your nothing, so why can’t you see the way it breaks me?
But nothing comes out. Nothing but disappointment and wrongness, and the world sighs sadly at her as she turns and leaves.
She cries the next hour. ,,I wasn’t ready for that,” she admits, paper doing nothing as always. ,,So why did it happen?”, her voice doesn’t work, she thinks. It’s wrong. Yet again edged, torn between wanting silence and needing to scream.
,,How do you live here?”, she whispers, and finally it breaks and silence envelopes her, something unwelcomed but needed. She tugs in her legs, hugging her shin and burying her face in her legs, shoulders jumping to the sound of her cries.
,,Like velvet,” the wind whispers around her, and her body shakes as she hunches forward and hugs herself, needing to just
,,I’m here and I’m staying,” she reminds herself. She does it again. And a second time. And a third time. A fourth time and a fifth time. A sixth time-