It's all my fault (Ashton Irwin)

It's all my fault. It's all my fault that my mom died when I was nine. It's all my fault that my dad abuses me. It's my fault that nobody like me at school. It's my fault everyone wants me dead. The only good thing that I have in my life is my brother Sam. Or so I thought was the only good thing. Hi. My name is Jay and I'm going to tell you why it's all my fault.


6. Dark nights

Jay's POV:


It's been a week since me and Sam trashed the house. Ever since that my beatings have only gotten worse. More scars and more bruises. I'm all covered in them. I can't even wear shorts otherwise they will show. So that's why I always wear black skinny jeans. Sometimes I wear ripped ones but not often. I wear short sleeve stuff since the scars aren't bad on my arms. Mostly my legs. But a lot of bruises cover my arms. 

I can barely sleep now. I cry myself to sleep if I have to. I always thought about my mom. And how we were all so happy. I really miss those times.I try not to think about that stuff to much because it just makes it worse. 

Recently I have been thinking about killing myself. I know Sam, Alina, Bethany, and Kyle would miss me but those are the only people who really care about me. Not even my dad wouldn't care if I died. 

For some reason I can't even cry myself to sleep tonight. I don't know why but that always works. But this time it doesn't. I lay away in my cold dark room. All I could think about was what if I wasn't here. Would the band go on? Would Sam be ok with just my dad? 

I walks to the bathroom and I get out a blade that I hid a while ago. Yes, I have cut myself in the past but Sam doesn't know about it. He just thinks they were the scars my dad gave me. "Its been a while." I whisper to the blade as if it were a person. I take it in my hand and look at an empty spot on my upper arm. Mostly because I don't want anyone staring at my wrists. And so there I began to slice away. It wasn't that deep but I for sure made a scar. I get a paper towel to clean up the blood. Now that I have done that I feel like I can sleep. Huh.

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