6. Dark nights
It's been a week since me and Sam trashed the house. Ever since that my beatings have only gotten worse. More scars and more bruises. I'm all covered in them. I can't even wear shorts otherwise they will show. So that's why I always wear black skinny jeans. Sometimes I wear ripped ones but not often. I wear short sleeve stuff since the scars aren't bad on my arms. Mostly my legs. But a lot of bruises cover my arms.
I can barely sleep now. I cry myself to sleep if I have to. I always thought about my mom. And how we were all so happy. I really miss those times.I try not to think about that stuff to much because it just makes it worse.
Recently I have been thinking about killing myself. I know Sam, Alina, Bethany, and Kyle would miss me but those are the only people who really care about me. Not even my dad wouldn't care if I died.
For some reason I can't even cry myself to sleep tonight. I don't know why but that always works. But this time it doesn't. I lay away in my cold dark room. All I could think about was what if I wasn't here. Would the band go on? Would Sam be ok with just my dad?
I walks to the bathroom and I get out a blade that I hid a while ago. Yes, I have cut myself in the past but Sam doesn't know about it. He just thinks they were the scars my dad gave me. "Its been a while." I whisper to the blade as if it were a person. I take it in my hand and look at an empty spot on my upper arm. Mostly because I don't want anyone staring at my wrists. And so there I began to slice away. It wasn't that deep but I for sure made a scar. I get a paper towel to clean up the blood. Now that I have done that I feel like I can sleep. Huh.