10. Can we talk?
As I was in my room sobbing I heard a knock on my door. "Yea" I faintly say I hear the door open and it's Sam. "Jay whats wrong?" he asks. "Just read it." I say and give him the crumpled note. He reads it and says, "Who the fuck wrote this?" he says. "I think it was Sarah." I cry. "I'm going to talk to her Jay. This has gone too far." he says. "No Sam just leave it. Just let her be a bitch." I say. "No Jay this has gone too far. I'm not going to let her talk to you like this." he says I look up and see him look at my upper arm wear I last cut. Oh shit. "Jay, whats that?" he says and his voice cracks and tears fill his eyes. "Sam. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep. I'm really sorry." I cry even more as he just pulls me into his arms. We both just cry. No one word just tears. He lets go just a little bit and looks at me. "Jay, I love you so much. I can't bear to lose you. Don't ever do that again." he says. "I won't." I say. Sam's phone rings and he leaves to answer it.
I just sit there with my head in my hands when I hear a knock on my window. It's Ashton. I dry my eyes and lightly smile as I get up to open my window to let him in. "Ashton what are you doing here?" I ask as my voice cracks knowing I might have to tell him now. "I just wanted to see if you were OK which you aren't. What happened Jay?" he asks me. I walk him over to my bed and he sits as I hands him the note. "What will I know Jay? You know you can tell things I won't tell anyone." he says after reading it. "You wouldn't like me anymore Ashton. I don't want to hurt you." I say. "Jay you would never hurt me. I really do like you and I wouldn't just leave you." he says. I smile and blush a little bit. "OK. When I was nine, my mom died. It's all my fault. A year after that my dad started to physically abuse me."- I showed him my arms and legs and I see tears in his eyes. I look at him and his eyes meet mine. "Jay I-" he starts but can't finish. "Jay I'm so sorry." starts to cry a little bit. "Ashton don't be sorry it's all my fault." I say. "No its not Jay. Nothing that happened is your fault." he says and pulls me into a hug. I hug him tight and he does the same. "Ashton I'm so sorry." I say. "Jay you don't ever be sorry ok?" he says. I just nod my head in his chest and we just sit there in that position. "Hey I have to go now but I'll call you tonight OK?" he says breaking the silence. I nod my head yes and he climbs out the window. I just collapse on my bed and fall asleep.
Hi loves :) xx I'm back from my road trip! It was so much fun I miss it already. Anyways, should I update more often or less? I don't want to rush the story but please let me know xx :) byeee