It's all my fault (Ashton Irwin)

It's all my fault. It's all my fault that my mom died when I was nine. It's all my fault that my dad abuses me. It's my fault that nobody like me at school. It's my fault everyone wants me dead. The only good thing that I have in my life is my brother Sam. Or so I thought was the only good thing. Hi. My name is Jay and I'm going to tell you why it's all my fault.


10. Can we talk?

Jay's POV:


As I was in my room sobbing I heard a knock on my door. "Yea" I faintly say I hear the door open and it's Sam. "Jay whats wrong?" he asks. "Just read it." I say and give him the crumpled note. He reads it and says, "Who the fuck wrote this?" he says. "I think it was Sarah." I cry.  "I'm going to talk to her Jay. This has gone too far." he says. "No Sam just leave it. Just let her be a bitch." I say. "No Jay this has gone too far. I'm not going to let her talk to you like this." he says I look up and see him look at my upper arm wear I last cut. Oh shit. "Jay, whats that?" he says and his voice cracks and tears fill his eyes. "Sam. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep. I'm really sorry." I cry even more as he just pulls me into his arms. We both just cry. No one word just tears. He lets go just a little bit and looks at me. "Jay, I love you so much. I can't bear to lose you. Don't ever do that again." he says. "I won't." I say. Sam's phone rings and he leaves to answer it.

I just sit there with my head in my hands when I hear a knock on my window. It's Ashton. I dry my eyes and lightly smile as I get up to open my window to let him in. "Ashton what are you doing here?" I ask as my voice cracks knowing I might have to tell him now. "I just wanted to see if you were OK which you aren't. What happened Jay?" he asks me. I walk him over to my bed and he sits as I hands him the note. "What will I know Jay? You know you can tell things I won't tell anyone." he says after reading it. "You wouldn't like me anymore Ashton. I don't want to hurt you." I say. "Jay you would never hurt me. I really do like you and I wouldn't just leave you." he says. I smile and blush a little bit. "OK. When I was nine, my mom died. It's all my fault. A year after that my dad started to physically abuse me."- I showed him my arms and legs and I see tears in his eyes. I look at him and his eyes meet mine. "Jay I-" he starts but can't finish. "Jay I'm so sorry." starts to cry a little bit. "Ashton don't be sorry it's all my fault." I say. "No its not Jay. Nothing that happened is your fault." he says and pulls me into a hug. I hug him tight and he does the same. "Ashton I'm so sorry." I say. "Jay you don't ever be sorry ok?" he says. I just nod my head in his chest and we just sit there in that position. "Hey I have to go now but I'll call you tonight OK?" he says breaking the silence. I nod my head yes and he climbs out the window. I just collapse on my bed and fall asleep.


Hi loves :) xx I'm back from my road trip! It was so much fun I miss it already. Anyways, should I update more often or less? I don't want to rush the story but please let me know xx :) byeee

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