It's all my fault (Ashton Irwin)

It's all my fault. It's all my fault that my mom died when I was nine. It's all my fault that my dad abuses me. It's my fault that nobody like me at school. It's my fault everyone wants me dead. The only good thing that I have in my life is my brother Sam. Or so I thought was the only good thing. Hi. My name is Jay and I'm going to tell you why it's all my fault.


16. Ashton's house

Jay's POV:


After what we saw we went back upstairs so I could pack some stuff. Ashton helped me a little bit. We went downstairs to tell Sam we are leaving. "I love you Jay. Be careful." he said while hugging me "I will and I love you too." I said. Him and Ashton both shook hands and me and Ashton walked out of my broken and unstable and broken home. We walked for a little bit in silence but then Ashton put his arm around and said, "Jay if you ever need to talk to me I'm always here for you." and I blushed a little bit and wiped my tears away and said, "Thank you Ashton. I just don't how many people I can trust. It's so hard." I said started to cry. He stopped walking and stood in front of me with his hands on my shoulders and said, "Jay, you can always trust Sam. And you can always trust me. I won't ever leave you." he said and it sounded promising. "Thank you Ashton I know I can trust you and Sam." I say and he pulls me into his big strong arms. I realize how much I fall for him every time I hug him or I'm with him. I just don't know if he feels the same way about me. Although I don't know why he would I'm just nothing.

 We continue to walk to his house and he lets me in first. "Alright what do you want to do? My mum isn't home and my siblings are at a friends house." he says "You pick what we should do its your house." I say "We could watch a scary movie and have popcorn?" he asks me. "Sounds fun!" I say in a happy voice and he giggles a little. God how I love his giggle.

We put in The Purge and eat some popcorn. One scary part makes me jump and scream. Ashton pulled me back down and wrapped his arms around me and said, "It's OK I got you." and I suddenly become calm again. The movie goes on with lots more scary parts and I always seem to jump or move around but Ashton always seems to calm me down with just the touch his his hand. What the fuck Jay? You can't do this to yourself! I think to myself

The reason why I can't really "let a boy in" is because I have been in a relationship before and the guy just left and cheated on me. I saw him on my street corner with his tongue down some girls mouth. He's tried to get back with me but I won't let him. And I'm afraid that Ashton will do the same. And, with Sam moving away and going to college I will have to live alone with my dad which, will be living hell... if he gets out of jail. 

I guess Ashton noticed that I was in deep thought and he said, "Jay, are you OK?" "Yea I'm fine just thinking." I say and try to push the thoughts out of my mind. 

We decide to put in another scary movie but I'm super sleepy. I think Ashton notices and puts his arm around me and I cuddle into his side. I close my eyes and I hear the tv shut off and Ashton gets comfortable next me.

Jay you can't do this.

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