"Hey, how was your flight?" She asks as I plop down on my bed, staring at my ceiling.
"It was okay. I mean, it was a flight." I laugh. Flights are pretty bad especially when you're stuck in front of a kid or near kids who won't be quiet. But I was that kid once, so I shouldn't be bothered by it.
"When do you think you'll be able to hang out?" She ask. I yawn, practically shoving my face into the pillow, expecting to smell Michael's cologne, but I smell my own perfume. I almost forgot that I was in San Francisco and not LA.
"I don't know. I'm really tired and need a nap. How about I go sleep off some of this jet lag and I'll meet you at the spot after. Okay?"
"Okay, I'll see you then." She says happily. You could hear the smile in her voice. It makes me smile every time.
"Alright, I'll see you then." I smile, hanging up the call. I quickly fall asleep due to my terrible jet lag.
I wake up to see that it's almost 8:30 and I have no messages from Jess. This starts to worry me since the last I heard about her state of mind was a few weeks ago and she was depressed. She just wanted to die and it hurt me to even hear that. I sit up in bed, unlocking my phone to call her. I call her at least twice and every time it has gone to voicemail. I assume the worst has come and I can't make it to her in time. This is all my fault. I'm the one who overslept. I shouldn't have overslept and maybe, she would probably be okay right now. I hate myself so much for doing this to her. I needed to be there for her and I'm obviously not there. Tears start to stream down my face as I start to just get more angry with myself every time I think of what she could have done to herself by now. I suddenly calm down from screaming, tears just silently dripping down my face. I get into my unpacked bag, getting out my medicine bottle, shoving it in my jacket pocket. I go into the bathroom, finding the one razor blade I have ever owned. I haven't tried cutting myself before. I've came close to doing it and then I remembered that it would be weird if I randomly wore long sleeves in the summer. Even when I was at home I didn't do it because I wore t-shirts at home and I never went anywhere. The house was always warm too so there was no need for a sweater or jacket. I never wanted anyone to know about my depression. I hate it because people would pity me for it then. I decide to wrap some toilet paper around it so I don't accidentally cut my hand as I walked and then I shove it in my pocket. I grab everything else I need, including my phone, and I leave the house.
As I'm walking to the bridge, I start to talk to myself, making it seem like I'm going crazy. But I feel like I'm going crazy. "Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry if you're watching over me right now because I'm about to do what you didn't want me to do. I bet you wanted me to live a long and happy life, but I'm depressed. I told you that I was depressed, but I can't take being sad anymore. I'm going to take my whole bottle of anti-depressants and then when they start to take over me, I'm going to slit my wrists and jump." I stop walking, putting my hands over my face and start crying really hard. "I-I'm going to k-kill mys-self because I c-c-can't take this anymore. I ha-ate myself. Everything about myself. I gues-s I'll see yo-ou on the other s-side." I stutter and then continue to walk to the bridge.
When I get to the bridge, I start to walk down the bridge, towards the middle and into the fog. Where Jess showed me that first day we hung out. As I get closer, I become more numb to my actions and stop crying. I'm getting closer and closer, getting through the thick evening fog, and I see someone there and their things are on the sidewalk. I look even closer to see that it's Jess, clinging to the railing with both of her hands on the railing. I snap out of whatever mindset I was in because she was still alive and I have the chance right now to save her. I have every chance in the world to take us both down the complete opposite path that we were both going down. I realize that her blue eyes were always reflecting the blue skies and they make me feel like everything is okay. Without her, I would never last in this world. I need to stay alive for her and for Michael.
"JESSIE!" I scream at the top of my lungs, running to where she was. She had started to turn around quickly, daring the fall. I rush to her quickly, pulling her over the rail, pulling her into me. After I pull her back over to safety, we both collapse to the concrete below us and I hold her close and tight. Both of us are crying and both of us are clinging to each other for the sake of our lives. "Please don't scare me like that again. Ple-ease." I mumble into the crevice between her neck and shoulder. She's sobbing harder than me and can barely speak. I just don't want to let go of her right now.
Jess takes a deep breath, pulling away from me. She looks down, ashamed of what she almost did. I lift her chin, wiping the remaining tears on her cheeks.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask, wondering why she's trying to not make eye contact with me.
"What's wrong? I almost just killed myself. But, I heard your voice and I lost it. I snapped out of it and was scared to die. I was scared to go the way my brother went." She sniffs, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.
"What do you mean the way your brother went? I thought...?" I trail off, confused.
"The pictures in my house are old. He's my twin brother, not my younger brother. His name was Aiden. That's who's name is carved into the bridge, he did that before he ended it. I come here and replace the green ribbon as it gets worn out. He's been gone for 5 years." She sort of trails off as she looks past me. I furrow my eyebrows, confused. I look to where she's looking and I notice the blade and pills. Then I turn back, looking down in shame. "What is that?" I put my face in my hands, not wanting her to see me cry again.
"I'm sorry." I mumble and she hugs me tightly.
"Listen. As long as you didn't do anything and you're alive, that's all I care about right now." She whispers to me. After a few minutes of me trying to calm myself, we sit in silence as few cars fly past us on the street. I'm so glad to have Jess in my life and I don't know how to tell her that. I can't come up with the words to tell her how much I appreciate her. I didn't know what to say to her until she breaks the silence. "I love you, Madison." She smiles, looking up at me from looking at her lap. I smile back, giving her a soft kiss.
"I love you too, Jessie."