18. mixtape // brand new
I'm sitting at the kitchen counter with Alex and Jer. They're being all cute and baking a cake for Dad's birthday. His birthday is tomorrow. I honestly don't believe that I've been home for a little over two weeks. I'm in charge of decorating the cake. I always have been since I apparently have "mad skills" at decorating. I used to be the one who made the cake too, but I'm basically teaching them how to make it and making sure they don't forget anything. I'm basically planning what it's going to look like right now while they're mixing and pouring the batter. We have a recipe that our grandmum had for both Dad's and Michael's birthday cakes. She gave it to Michael before she passed so he could make our birthday cakes. It's made from scratch so it's just better than box cake. As I'm sitting there watching them, making sure they don't screw up anything, my phone starts to go off. I look over to see that it's a facetime call from Jess. I answer it, propping my phone up against the bag of flour. Her screen pops up and I'm greeted with a huge smile radiating from her beautiful face.
"Hey!" She smiles, waving.
"Hi!" I grin, laughing a little.
"When do you think you'll be back? You're missing a lot." She asks. I've been texting her, telling her about how things are going here and how I met my brother's boyfriend.
"I'm not sure. Tomorrow is Dad's birthday so I'm not coming home in the next few days so." I say almost mindlessly. She looks at me confused and I look up at the two across from me since I heard them stop talking and they were looking at me in confusion.
"What do you mean you're going home? This is your home?" Alex says confused.
"I—um...I don't know." I say, rubbing the back of my neck. "In other words, I don't know when I'm coming back. Maybe in the next week? I'll have to look at the cheapest flights and when they are." They all nod at the same time which was kind of weird. "Oh! You should meet my brother and his boyfriend." I smile, reminding myself to do that. They walk over to me, standing behind me. I gesture to each of them as I tell her their names. "This is Alex, my brother. And this is Jeremy, his boyfriend." I smile. She smiles back and waves.
"I'm Jess, Madi's friend." She continues to smile that huge smile of hers. They smile at her, waving and then go back to making the cake. "So what are you guys up to doing right now?" She asks.
"We're making my dad's birthday cake. It's made from scratch" I smile.
"Sounds amazing." She grins genuinely. "Maybe when you get back, you can make me one for my birthday." She laughs a little.
"When's your birthday?" I ask, suddenly even more excited to get to go back to San Francisco.
"It's August 9th." She smiles. I smile back, taking my phone to the living room as the boys put the cake in the pan and then in the oven.
"I'll definitely be back by then, I promise." I give her a fond smile. She smiles back at me.
"I miss you." Her smile turns into a frown.
"I've only been gone for a week." I frown.
"I know, but things haven't been the same. I feel different because you're not here. Like I don't know, I just feel weird. Like one moment I'll be where we met and then the next thing I know, I'm about to...." She trails off, starting to get worked up. I'm so confused sometimes about her. Was she about to say she tried killing herself because I'm not there? It doesn't make any sense, but unless I'm the only one she tells, then it's definitely not for attention.
"Jess, is everything alright?" I ask as she has her hands covering her face. She shakes her head. She takes a deep breath and continues what she was saying.
"Next thing I know I'm about to climb over the rail and jump off the bridge." She bursts into tears, not able to contain it anymore. "Like. I-I b-black out or s-something." She stutters. I just sigh with worry for her safety. I can't go back yet, but I have to soon. I have to figure out what is going on because it sounds like she's doing this unintentionally.
"Jessie, I promise. I promise I will be back as soon as I possibly can." I emphasize the second time I say that I promise I'll be back. I rarely use her full name. When I do, it's mostly to comfort her or to let her know I'm being serious about something. "Okay?" I ask and she responds with a nod as she wipes her tears. I really wish I was wiping the tears for her. "I'm going to go since I left the two of them in the kitchen by themselves which never turns out good." I grin a little and she just laughs a little bit, probably thinking the same thing I am. "Bye. I'll talk to you later." I smile fondly and she smiles back.
"Goodbye." She smiles back, waving goodbye. I end the call and close my phone. I get up off the couch, turning the corner to go back to the kitchen and the two of them are standing there probably listening.
"I thought you said you weren't dating anyone." Alex says, crossing his arms as I walk past him and back to the kitchen.
"I'm not." I sit back in my spot, starting to get things ready to make the icing.
"Well, the way you two talk to each other says otherwise." Jer smirks, sitting down in his spot by the counter, Alex sitting next to him.
"Okay, whatever." I roll my eyes, starting to mix the dry ingredients.