9. bedless // pierce the veil *TRIGGER WARNING*
I close my suit case, practically sitting on it to get it to zip. I've finally decided on San Francisco and I've decided to go for a couple weeks. I have my small rental house already booked for the time I'm staying. It's not too far from home, but at the same time it's away from home. As I finally successfully zip my suit case, I get off of it, smiling in satisfaction. I'm finally going to get out of this place for a little while. I take everything downstairs, taking it to the car which is in the garage. I'm so thankful for that because I can leave without the paps knowing. I wait until late at night to leave and then I head out on my journey to San Francisco.
I get to my small rental and I just put everything on the couch. I huff. It's seemed really nice so far. Spending 5 hours on the road wasn't my ideal vacation, but I guess it's worth getting away from the paps. As soon as I go to lay down in my room, I get a facetime call from Alex. I swear, I only get calls from him.
"How's San Francisco?" He asks. I groan, shoving a pillow on my face.
"I'm already tired and all I did so far was drive up here." I mumble through the pillow. I just hear laughter from him.
"You'll have fun. Trust me." He says seriously. I sigh.
"I guess. Whatever you say." I sigh again. I've been doing a lot of sighing, but I do that all the time.
"Are you okay? You've seemed a little off." He asks.
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Are you sure, Madi?"
"I'm fine. I'm gonna go so I can sleep. I love you." I groan, putting my face back into my pillow.
"Alright. I love you too, Madison." He sighs, hanging up the call. I roll onto my back, facing the ceiling. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and tears just star to pour down my cheeks. I'm just so tired of everything.
I'm out and about after falling asleep last night after crying for a good hour. I'm not doing too much sight seeing today, maybe getting a few things for Alex while I'm around.
I scream, throwing a pillow from the couch across the room. Tears just run down my cheeks as I just lose it. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I am useless to everyone. I want to die. I collapse to the floor, out of breath from screaming and crying. My phone starts vibrating for a facetime call. I sniff, wiping my tears and just answering it, not caring who it is.
"Hey, Madi. What's wrong?" I hear Ashton's voice on the other side and I about lose it again. Ashton and I have been close since I lost my dad. He was always the one to make sure I was okay.
"I don't know." I practically mumble through the sobbing.
"Just breathe and cry it out." He says soothingly as I just let out all of my emotions. After about 10 minutes of sobbing and 5 of calming my breathing, I finally had calmed myself completely. "Now what's going through your mind?" He asks. I shrug.
"I just hate everything. I hate myself, I hate my life. I just want to die." I sniff.
"Now, don't say that." He sighs.
"Well? What else am I supposed to think? Alex tried killing himself. And it's probably because I moved. That's what the press is saying." I groan.
"That doesn't mean that's why, Madi. Your dad told me it was because the kids at school pick on him. They pick on him because he's gay and all of that stupid middle school stuff. Yeah, they're all in high school, but they still act like middle schoolers." He sighs, shaking his head. I still hate myself, I'm a burden. It wasn't long before Ashton had to leave because he had to pick up Kirk from school. I guess I'll just sit here and wallow in my own self pity.