invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


4. you suck // abigail breslyn

It's been a week into school and things have only gotten worse. Calum is always talking to Michael and they both won't talk to me. It's getting really annoying. For some reason, Michael really hates me. I've only talked to him once and that was the first day of school. Calum is probably telling him everything about me and how much I suck at being a good boyfriend. I walk into choir and Calum isn't there, but Michael is. I'm guessing Cal went home early. I sit in my normal spot, which is right in front of Calum and Michael. We already have a sub and we aren't doing anything. I decide to get my homework done so I don't have to do it later. There's a tap on my shoulder as Michael moves up to the empty chair next to mine.
"Hey." He grins.
"Why are you talking to me?" I ask.
"Because Calum isn't here and I know you're frie-"
"No, we're not. We aren't friends. Not anymore."
"But you guys are in a band together?" He questions.
Yeah. Funny right? He hasn't asked for my best friend to side with him to kick me out. It's such a surprise." I say sarcastically. Calum has already attempted to do that but hasn't won Ashton over. I continue with my homework.
You really suck, you know."
"What is that supposed to mean? You barely know me."
"Well, Calum tells me about how yo-"
"Shut up, Michael! Not everything Calum says about me is really me! Jesus christ!" I yell at him and the room goes silent. I sigh, annoyed at how everyone is just staring at me. Nobody talks about Calum and I anymore. If you do, you are ignored. Let's just say, Calum and I are some of the more popular kids at this school. We've made sure that everyone knows that we are only friends and nothing more. Anyone who talks about us being together at all is ignored because it was so long ago. I gather my things, standing up and leaving the room, pissed off now. There was only 2 minutes left of class, so it didn't really matter. This sucks, I have practice with the loudmouth later.

"Ugh I'm so glad he's gone. I hate him. I can't stand him anymore. " I groan as I lay down on the couch as Ashton shuts the front door. 
"I can't believe you two!" Ashton practically yells. I'm surprised about how loud he got. "You two were best friends! Even after the break up. And now you two are acting like five year olds." He huffs, sitting on the chair that was adjacent to the couch I had laid down on.
"I didn't start it, I'm just saying."
"Okay and you acting the way you are isn't solving the problem." He pauses. "I think you should talk to him about it."
"Fine, but I'm not promising anything. I'll probably just get more pissed at him because he'll tell Michael everything and it'll get around the school." I frown. Ashton just sighs, shaking his head.
"Whatever, Luke. Believe what you want."

I rush downstairs to get the door since I'm the only one home. My dad is on a business trip this week and my mum is working late tonight. And I mean late as in she has to stay all night. She went in at around 5 so she'll probably be back at maybe 2 or 3 in the morning. It's past 11 at night and I was about to fall asleep at my desk as I finish homework until the door bell rang. I open the door to reveal Calum. He seemed to have been crying for a while and the slight smell of alcohol lingers on him. I furrow my eyebrows and decide to not be mean to him since he probably just needs someone right now. His parents don't necessarily get along all the time and his sister is never home anymore from being on tour all the time. I open my mouth to say something, but then shut it.
"Luke... I don't know what to even do anymore." Calum says, letting himself in as he sniffles with his words. "I feel like a shit friend and I've treated you like shit. I'm sorry, Luke." He sniffles more, crying more. This is when I start questioning how drunk he is.
"How many have you had?"
What?" He asks weakly, looking up at me.
"How many drinks have you had?" I cross my arms.
"None. I still have beer still on my clothes from when it got spilled on my pajamas the other night." He sniffs again and wipes a stray tear from his cheek. I'm starting to believe him because he would not come to my house at almost midnight to apologize to me. The last time he did that it was after we had a huge fight and I believed him. 
"You really mean that?" I ask, starting to give in.
"What? The part where I said I was sorry? Yeah. I mean that." He sighs. I just hug him tightly. He kind of flinches as if he was wary and confused as to why I'm hugging him. "I thought you hated me..."
"I..." I start, but can't figure out a way to explain why I said what I did at Ashton's. Calum pushes me away.
"Luke...I thought you hated me. You said it. I heard you through the door. You said you hated me and that you can't stand me. What did I do to you?"
Calum, you did everything to me."
Define everything, Luke!" He yells. 
You fucking lied to everyone! What am I supposed to do when people come up to me with dirty looks saying that I didn't deserve you?! How would you feel, Calum? You told everyone that it was all my fault. Then you go to Michael and tell him everything! Everything about us and how we were!! I can't trust you, Calum." I practically scream, tears starting to run down my cheeks. "I loved you. I did. I was in love with you and you threw it all away to some girl. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel like everything was my fault and that I shouldn't have fallen in love with you." I choke out through sobs. I want to just curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. This many emotions about our past relationship haven't gone through my system since we broke up. And that was almost 2 months ago. I thought I had gotten over him. Calum sighs, walking up to me and hugging me.
"I'm sorry, Luke. I really am. We're young and honestly, I don't think you were actually in love. I don't even think that I was." He says to me. I practically cling to him.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you." I mumble into his shoulder.
"Don't be. We're going to be looking back at this during year 12 and laughing at how dumb we were for even going through this." He chuckles slightly which makes me crack a smile. He pushes me away from him to make me look at him. "I do love you, but I'm not in love." He smiles.
"I love you too, but not in love." I grin.
"Want to try this again?" He asks, taking my hand.

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