invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


27. wonderwall // oasis

"Alright. Yeah, thanks." Michael pauses while he's pacing the kitchen on the phone. He has a huge smile on his face. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Alright, bye." Michael hangs up as I put the last of the groceries on the counter.
"Who was that, babe?" I ask, kissing him quickly and then go put away the groceries.
"It was Casey." He smiles, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"Any news?"
"We're pregnant, Luke. It worked." Michael says quietly in my ear. I turn around immediately to face him. I hold his face, leaning against the counter.
"You're not kidding are you?" I ask smiling. He shakes his head. I kiss him softly.
"We're going to be dads!" I smile, kissing Michael over and over again. "I've got to call my mum." I squeal, rushing into the living room to get my phone out of my jacket pocket. Michael shakes his head at me, chuckling. I smile at him, dialing my mum's number.

"So tour is in how many days?" I ask sadly.
"It's in two weeks for 10 months" Ashton says, twirling around his drum sticks mindlessly. I sigh, trying to not get upset over it. Michael and I are both going to miss the birth of our son or daughter because of tour. Maybe.
"We have a break right before the last leg for like a month right?" Calum asks.
"Oh yeah, we do, don't we?" Ashton chuckles. I hear Michael sigh in relief. We haven't told Ashton and Calum yet.
"Why are you so worried about it anyways?" Ashton asks, confused.
"We are expecting." Michael smiles. I smile at his smile.
"Seriously?!" Cal says excitedly. I nod. "I'm so happy for you two."
"I can't believe that. You guys are going to be dads." Ash shakes his head lightly, laughing. "I can see it, honestly. It's cute how excited you two get over this."

We come home from band practice and plop down on the couch. Michael sighs, a slight frown on his face. I furrow my eyebrows at his frown.
"What's wrong?" I ask. He shrugs, tears running down his face. I pull him close to me, hugging him tightly. I rub his back gently as he straddles me, sitting on my lap. His face is buried in the crevice of my shoulder and neck, tears spilling onto my shirt.
"I just feel like shit." He mumbles. "Just a wave of depression" He continues to cry everything out while I keep him close to me. I really wish he didn't feel like this. His therapy stopped working for him and he's been so sad recently and I don't know how to help him with it. 
"Just let it all out. It's okay." I coo, continuing to rub his back. Seeing him like this kills me. He has only gotten worse since we stopped his therapy. And I wish I knew how to help him. He takes his medicine like he's supposed to, I think. I mean, I hope so. I don't want him not taking his medication. Michael stops crying and I make him look at me. "Have you been taking your medication?" I ask. He shakes his head sadly. "Michael." I sigh.
"It makes me feel worse. I don't feel like I am me when I'm on my medication."
"Well you should take it. You're getting worse, Mikey. I don't want you feeling like this. Maybe we can try a different brand of the medication. I just want you to be happy again." I sigh, taking his hands. I bring one of his hands up to my lips, pressing them to his knuckles. Michael lets go of my hand, placing that hand on my cheek. I look up at him and the sadness in his eyes is very evident and the sadness in mine is probably evident too. He kisses me softly, resting his forehead on mine.
"I'll try harder this time, Luke. For you and for our little bean." Michael smiles a little bit, kissing me again softly. "I promise I will."
"Good." I smile. We sit in a silence for a little bit until Michael breaks the silence.
I love you so much, Luke. You have always been there for me no matter what happens. I always wonder why you stayed. Why you had stayed with someone you knew was broken to start with. I wonder what it would have been like if I never met you at all. I honestly would have killed myself in year 10 if we never made up and if you never noticed that I wasn't okay. You were always the one to notice that I wasn't okay and that's what I love about you, Luke. You're always so kind and caring of me. I honestly don't know how to repay you for basically saving my life." Michael stops, sighing. He wraps his arms around my waist, putting his chin on my shoulder.
"Michael, you will never have to repay me. You're everything I dreamed of. I mean, I didn't propose to you and marry you for no reason. I did that because I love you and I want to keep you safe. When I first saw how dull your eyes were that first day of year 9, I was curious. I was curious as to what your life held. I was curious as to why you were so sad. It took me a bit to pull you in, but I know now why your eyes were so dull and I'm glad I saw so many bright moments in your eyes. You mean the entire world to me, Michael. If I never saved you that day, I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I would have been devastated. If I found you dead instead of still attempting, I would have lost it. I loved you from the start and I always will." I say quietly in his ear. I kiss his shoulder, tears streaming down my face from the day I had found him. I just want to hold him close forever and I don't want to let him go. There's no way I will ever let him go.

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