invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


17. pillowtalk // zayn

I wake up to Michael practically laying on top of me. I smile, his warm bare body against me making me feel wanted and loved. Last night was way more than I expected it to be. My parents are on vacation and my brothers don't live at home anymore. So right now, it's just Michael and I. I kiss Michael's faded pink hair. It's more like fairy floss pink than bright pink now. He's had this color for a month. Michael moves off of me and then looks up at me.
"Good morning." He smiles his cute smile that I adore. 
"Happy one year, Mikey." I smile, kissing his nose. Michael just grins.
"Happy one year." He kisses me quickly to avoid the morning breath kisses. "What do you want to do today? Anything?" He asks. I shrug.
"What do you want to do?" I ask.
"Do you just want to have a small party in your back yard? Like we can get in the pool and stuff and piss off your neighbors." He pauses, taking a breath. "Again." He giggles. His eyes are close to a bright green, the brightest they've been since that night. We were having a little splash fight and we were yelling at each other and being really obnoxious. The only problem is that it was at 3 am. His eyes were the brightest green I had ever seen them and it made me so happy to see. I smile, wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him close to me.
"Can we invite Cal and Ash? It'd be great to see them again before going back on tour. I don't want to act like we haven't seen each other in years." I smile, but then realize that Michael didn't know yet. I slap my hand over my mouth quickly. Only Ashton and I knew about this. The smile on Michael's face fades and he sighs.
"How long have you known?" He asks me. I don't want to admit how long I've known. I've known since Christmas. We told the guys of One Direction that we couldn't tour until May because we were recording. 
"Since Christmas..." I trail off. Michael sighs again, rolling out of bed, heading towards the bathroom in the back corner of my room. I let out a huge sigh. The reason I wanted someone else to tell him was because last time we went on tour, we almost broke up because we fought so much. Tours start to wreck us a lot. I hear the shower start running to only follow in hearing sobs. I hate how Michael hates touring. It stresses him out and I'm sure he's scared that what happened last time will happen again. Hell, I'm scared. I get up out of bed, strolling over to the bathroom. "Hey, can I join? I feel gross from being sweaty from last night. Plus it saves water." I say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear over the shower.
"Yeah." He mumbles. I step into the shower with him, hugging him from behind. I kiss his shoulder.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't want to be the one to tell you. It just slipped." I whisper to him, trying to soothe his breathing.
"It's just so stressful, Luke. It's scary too. You remember what happened last time. We fought so much and I'm so afraid of loosing you." He sniffles. "I need you, Luke." I continue to soothe him and rub his back after putting body wash into my hands. I massage his back and shoulders, trying to help him loosen up because his stress is making him tense up.
"Michael, I'll never leave you. I promise you that." I pause, turning him towards me, washing his chest and massaging his shoulders from the front. "Just calm down a little and don't worry. There's no way I'll let that happen again." I kiss him and then smile. He smiles weakly.

"Wooohooo, party!" Ashton chirps, walking through the front door with the pizza. Calum is following close behind. Michael and I have been hanging out around the house doing nothing all day. I've just been trying to ease his stress and letting him nap on me while we watched some TV. Calum walks into the living room, frowning when he sees Michael asleep and laying on me.
"Hey, Ash. Shut up. Little Mikey is asleep on Luke." Calum coos, chuckling lightly. I grin at Calum as he sits and then at Ash when he walks in.
"What's going on?" Ash asks, concerned as to why Michael is napping and I'm not. It's either we are both asleep or we are both wide awake. When it's only one of us, we are either sick or fighting or upset.
"It slipped this morning. I didn't want to be the one to tell him." I mumble.
"You mean about tour?" Calum asks. I nod, sighing.
"We'll make sure that nothing happens like last time. I promise. You guys will be fine." Ashton grins at me.
"He's just been so worried and stressed all day about it. No matter how much I tell him it'll be alright and that I'll never leave, he is still worried that we'll break up." I sigh, kissing the top of his head of light pink hair. 
"Michael worries a lot. I feel that you need to show him that you love him. Show him that you won't leave him. Maybe he won't be as worried." Ashton suggests. I honestly have no clue how to possibly go through with doing that, but it's worth seeing Michael's eyes bright again and it's worth seeing him happy.

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