invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


14. give me love // ed sheeran

"Michael...stop." I mumble as he continues to rant on and on. Apparently the press are saying that I've been trying to get back with an ex girlfriend of mine. That one girl we had wrote Try Hard about. When we wrote Try Hard, it was to get me back with her, not only just to get her. Of course Michael and I were alone in our dressing room because he stormed in there right after the show. He didn't talk to me at all before the show. It was the way into the venue when someone asked me if I was back with her and when I didn't respond, Michael took it the wrong way. Nobody knows about Michael and I. Unless they went to school with us, nobody knows.
"Why should I stop, Luke?!" Michael yells at me. Tears were running down his face.
"Because. I'm not with her! I haven't fucking talked to her in years, Michael!" I yell back, getting up off the small couch, leaving the room. I can't take this fighting anymore. We've been fighting for the past month. It's been over small things or the way we both say things. I haven't slept in his bunk in weeks. Hell, I haven't even slept in weeks. I can't sleep without him. It's like this whole thing where you get so attached to one person that whenever you sleep next to them you just can't leave. It's like Michael's breathing and his heartbeat has been putting me at ease so I can sleep. This tour has two months left and it's already gotten the best of us. It's so stressful. As soon as I slam the door of the dressing room shut, I slide down it, pulling my knees up to my chest. I hear footsteps coming towards me and I freak out. I freak out because I'm assuming it's a fan of mine, but it isn't. It's only Ashton. I look up at him, my eyes almost bloodshot from crying. Ashton looks down at me with a frown. He then sits down next to me.
"Another fight?" He asks. I nod, letting more tears go. Ashton puts his arm around my shoulders. He pulls me into a side hug. "I know Luke, I know. It's hard. I think you two just need a break from each other. Like maybe for a week. I'll hang out with you and I'll get Cal to hang out with him. Is that okay?" Ashton suggests. I nod, understanding what he meant by taking a break. We're around each other almost 24/7. Whenever we aren't around each other, it's always when he's still sleeping and I had gone out to breakfast with either Cal or Ash. 
"Hey is everything okay?" Cal comes up to us, frowning when he sees me crying.
"Him and Mike were fighting again." Ashton sighs. "I suggested they take a break. As in you take Michael and I'll take him for a week. They just need some time away from each other." Calum nods, agreeing with Ashton.
"They can't see each other at all for that entire week starting now. Or we can make it as long as we need to when they both start to miss each other. You know?" Calum says.
Yeah." Ashton nods.
"But I already miss him." I mumble.
"No you don't, Luke. You're just upset with him." Ashton says, standing and then helping me stand. "Come on, we're going to move the stuff in your bunk to a different bunk for at least the next week." Ashton says, taking me to the bus.

I sigh, rolling over in the new bunk. These first few hours without him have been tough. I'm not allowed to see him or hear his voice or anything for the next week or more. I need to fight through this because what if we have to be forced apart by his dad? I don't know if I'd be able to handle that right now. The only time I'm allowed to see him or hear him is during shows. That's it. But as soon as the show is over, Ash has to take me straight to the bus or to the dressing room. Mike and Cal always go to the opposite. As I'm laying in my bunk, I can overhear Ashton and Calum talking.
"I just...I want them to get along. I really do." Calum sighs.
"I do too. I honestly think they have so much potential together. They are one of those couples who is a perfect match and there's no way to separate them." Ashton responds. 
"You can see it in the way they look at each other. It's so obvious that they are in love." You can hear the smile in Calum's voice. Is it really that obvious? I mean, I don't even know if I'm in love yet and they already know? Michael and I haven't really said 'I love you' to each other. I've been too scared to say it because I'm not sure of how he feels and I'm honestly not sure of how I feel. Maybe I am in love with Michael.

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