31. breathe me // sia
*MUST LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING IT TO GET THE FULL EFFECT OF THE CHAPTER.*
"Hey, Ash, Cal. I've got to go." I tell them as I check my texts, making sure I text him back.
"Why? Is everything okay?" Ashton asks. I shake my head.
"Michael needs me like right now." I say shakily, so scared that something is actually wrong. Michael stayed home from recording because he didn't feel good so I let him sleep in. He just texted me that he needed me now at the house. He said that he felt like hurting himself and he didn't want to do it, but he had the urge to. I didn't even say goodbye to Ash and Cal before leaving the studio. As I'm on my way home, I get a call from Michael. I answer it quickly.
"Luke, I can't take this anymore." Michael sobs out, tears already running down my face.
"Michael please, stay with me. I need you." I say shakily.
"I'm sorry, Luke. I love you so much. Don't you forget that." He says, hanging up. I'm practically speeding down the road I'm on, so close to being home. I'm so thankful that Casey let the kids stay at her house for the day until we were done recording. I didn't have to worry about them being home right now. I pull into the driveway, shutting off the car, running to the front door. I struggle to unlock the door as my hands were shaking so much. I get the door unlocked and I run upstairs to our bedroom to find him sitting against our bed on the floor, pill bottles scattering the room along with a full bottle spilled on the floor. His wrists were bleeding badly and his eyes were closed. That's when I knew he was gone. There was only a sliver of life left in him. My knees give out as I collapse next to him, pulling him into my arms. I rub my thumbs over his cheeks, trying to keep him awake.
"Michael. Please stay with me. Please." I sob, as his head lays on my chest, his back against my lap. I called 911 as soon as I possibly could, trying to keep him awake for as long as I could. As I'm waiting for the ambulance, I see Michael's green eyes once again. They were almost completely grey as he looks up at my blue, tear filled ones.
"I love you, Luke." He breathes out, his body now laying lifeless. I scream out, tears spilling out of my eyes.
"NO!" I sob out. "No, no, no, no." I sob again, pulling him close to me after closing his eyes. I just sob into his chest, crying so hard that I almost couldn't even breathe. "Michael." I say weakly. The paramedics burst through the doorway, getting him on a stretcher and they tend to him quickly, trying to revive him. As they take him to the ambulance, I follow them, getting onto the ambulance. I feel like this has all happened before. Except for this time he's gone. I squeeze his hand tightly, kissing the back of it, tears flooding my cheeks. It feels as if time is stopping as this all happens. I feel like time wants me to remember this forever. "I love you so much, Michael." I whisper as the paramedics give up because they knew there was no way to save him. There's no way to save the love of my life. There is no way to save him this time. He's gone. Michael is gone forever.