invisible // muke

"You've made me feel so much happiness and I don't want to ever leave that happiness." It's March 22, 2013; our one month. A moment I'll cherish forever and a moment I'll never forget.

There are mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, and depression. If you have any of these problems and just need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️


3. ain't no rest for the wicked // cage the elephant

I walk into school, laughing with the small group of friends that I have. It's the first day of year 9 and I already feel like I'm on top. We are the upperclassmen at this school. Next year will be different, but for now it's fantastic. Most of my classes have some of my friends in them, which I'm excited for. I walk in and go to the locker bay by my locker. I lift myself up onto the counter top. 
"So are you excited for choir?" I ask the dark headed boy in front of me who's been one of my best friends for the longest time.
"No, Luke. Since when have I ever been excited for a class at this school?" He chuckles, leaning against the counter. I shrug.
"I don't know, Calum. Since when did you not get excited for history?" I laugh.
"Okay, no. I actually like history because it's cool and not terrible." He attempts to defend himself.
"That was the worst explanation for why that class is apparently amazing." I laugh as a blonde boy comes up to us, getting into the locker next to mine. His locker is on the opposite side that Calum's is on. He has longer fringe than I do. Calum just looks at me. The boy puts his stuff onto the counter top, glancing at me. His eyes ere a dull green. His eyes being that dull of a green makes me wonder what goes on in his life.There's this thing that everyone is aware of and knows very well, but it's such a terrible disadvantage. The more bright and vibrant your eye color is, the more truly happy you are. The duller your eye color, the more depressed you are. And it goes to extremes of if your eyes are very vibrant, you're the happiest you could ever be. If your eyes are almost completely grey but there's a slight tint of color, you're depressed, not the emotion, the illness. I haven't seen anyone's eyes as dull as his were. You could describe his eye color as grey with a hue of green. I felt bad, honestly. I snap out of my thoughts when the boy gives me a weird look and speaks.
"Why are you staring at me? What do you want?" I blink, shaking my head at how dumb I am.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." I trail off. He just nods slowly, continuing to get his folders and binders together. "I'm Luke, by the way!" I grin. He looks up at me, eyes still dull and face still looking very annoyed. "And this is my friend Calum." I grin more as I point to Cal. He gives me a sarcastic smile.
"Hi." Calum waves. The boy's smile drops as he grabs his small stack of things. He just leaves in the opposite direction. "Well that was great." Cal grins. I frown, smacking his arm.

I'm now in choir which is the last class of the day. Calum and the blonde boy are in here with me. I found out the blonde boy was in here through Cal at lunch. He's in one of his classes and I guess they talked. His name is Michael. Michael Clifford. He had just recently switched school districts over the summer. I walk into the room and see Michael and Cal talking and laughing. Michael's eyes were only a little bit more vibrant, but not by a lot. I walk over and Michael's smile turns to a frown and another annoyed expression. I just grin and wave at both of them, sitting in the seat on the next riser down in front of them. Calum waves back, but Michael doesn't. The entire bell, Calum and Michael would talk and they wouldn't talk to me. I don't know why Michael doesn't like me. I don't get it.
"So why wouldn't you guys talk to me in choir?" I ask as I kick off my shoes and sit criss cross on my bed. Calum sits in my desk chair, taking my acoustic off of the stand, playing around with it. He shrugs without a verbal answer. "Well it's already annoying and it's only been one day." I roll my eyes.
"Sorry?" He asks. I huff.
"Really? You're going to choose him over your best friend?" I ask. He says nothing, but continues to play around with my guitar. "Okay. Whatever."
"Well, Luke. If you didn't act so full of yourself sometimes and stopped craving so much attention, maybe it would be fun to hang out with you." There's a knock on my door and it opens, revealing Ashton. 
"Hey guys." He grins, taking off his shoes, sitting next to me on the bed. 
"How was your day?" I ask. He shrugs.
"Okay I guess. I didn't have to work at all today, which I'm happy about. And first day of year 11 was pretty okay." He laughs. "What about yours?" He asks. I go to open my mouth and Calum stops me.
Don't you dare say it sucked and complain about how I wouldn't give you attention. I'm not your boyfriend, I'm your best friend." He says angrily.
"What?" Ashton asks. Calum disregards that Ashton doesn't have any idea of what's going on.
Luke, stop loving me! I don't love you anymore! I told you before. We will never get back together. We will only be friends." He keeps rambling on about how I still love him and I need to get over him. I just keep my mouth shut instead of yelling at him. We were once a thing back during the summer. We liked each other for at least two years, but were wary on whether or not we should have actually gone through with dating. We were young. We were practically in love. People at school always thought we should date and it was very accepted with our peers. We always acted as a couple and people heard about us getting together. We practically shook the rumors in the entire school when we came back from the summer break. Nobody expected us to break up so soon. We were always open about our relationship and everyone thought we would last. But of course, Calum had been cheating on me with a girl and claimed that the whole two years of 'liking me' was just him experimenting. It's been a little over a month since the break up and yeah I still loved him, but just something told me that I loved him as a best friend. I love him as my best friend and I don't understand why he doesn't see that. After his ramble, I don't say anything to him.
"So, my day was great, minus the fact that I already have homework in a few of my classes. My teachers are nice though." I speak to Ashton, completely ignoring Calum's rant. He gets up, leaving the room and I soon hear a door slam downstairs. I sigh, tears just spilling from my eyes. Ashton hugs me tightly. "He's been blaming me for the past year for our break up when it was his fault and we agreed on the break up." I mumble.
"I know, Luke. I know."

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