"STOP!" I screamed at the mirror as Lauren looked back at me. She just looked sad and down, like I was a traitor. I wouldn't allow her to paint me as being the one in the wrong. Not this time. Ben was supplying me with all the happiness I'd ever need in my life, but Lauren couldn't appreciate that. She never respected my happiness or any of my feelings. The only time she really cared was primary school when I was being bullied. She never gave a shit otherwise. I kept throwing things at her mirror reflection.
It was a few days before my 31st birthday and a few months before the wedding and she was destroying everything. As I continued to throw things at the mirror, I heard the keys slam against the wooden surface and Ben came running up the stairs. He grabbed my waist and held me close as tears poured down my face. "It's okay, I'm here baby," he whispered as we fell to the floor. He was rocking me back and fourth as he held my head close to his chest.
"She's ruining my life!" I screamed as I pointed to the mirror.
Ben knew I hated Lauren and that I always saw her. I told him about Lauren a long time ago and I'm surprised he didn't tell me I was a psychopath. He was the only person who knew, as well as me, that Lauren actually existed and she wasn't a figment of my imagination. He held me closer and rocked me more. The tears were reduced. "I think I should move the mirror somewhere else for a bit, so Lauren doesn't disrupt the next few months," Ben suggested.
"No," I whispered, "she'll only get angrier."
Ben nodded as he held me close. He brushed my hair with his fingers whilst kissing my forehead. His hugs always calmed me down and helped me to understand why I had to fight against Lauren. Ben made me happy and there was no way I was loosing him for her. She just got angry all the time and wanted to to join her in the world of depression. I didn't like the idea of that world at the time, so I stuck around. Ben and I were never the couple that went for traditional things.
At 31 years old, I married Benjamin Lewis. He was dressed in a baby blue suit to match my baby pink dress. The whole wedding was bright and colourful with scattered variations of coloured roses. We got married on a beach in the sunset and had the party in a large hall nearby. We had the brightest colours ever. The brightest cake ever. The only person who didn't dress up colourfully was Lauren. She wore black as she glared at us all the way through the ceremony. I tried my best to ignore her as I met more of Ben's wonderful, welcoming family. I didn't invite anybody because I didn't have many connections.
Lauren ended up being my only guest, but nobody seemed to notice her. Probably because she curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, wallowing in self pity. Only because she wouldn't allow me any happiness. The worst part is she felt further away from me as I was no longer the Rosie Wyatt she knew. But I was Rosie Lewis, the loving wife and girl who always smiled. I no longer carried around Lauren's personality. I actually had my own personality and my own lifestyle which didn't involve Lauren. I felt bad for excluding her from my life, but the only thing she actually did was bring me down and make me feel like shit. I couldn't carry on with that lifestyle, so I had to let her go. All negative connections had to be removed.
I remember a few weeks ago, Ben and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary watching films and eating Chinese food. It was decent considering we had the life drained out of us all that week. We cuddled and laughed and talked all night. Ben promised he would make it up to me, but Lauren wasn't taking it. She was angry that he hadn't made an effort, according to her. Lauren had high expectations which nobody could ever reach up to. She filled my body with anger and upset, so I lashed out at Ben. I screamed at him, yelled at him, pushed him away if he came anywhere near me. He seemed frightened of me after that and has avoided me since. That's why I had to escape.
To the cliff, and not a metaphorical one this time. I had to see what I was facing in my life. This cliff showed me the different steps that were slowly pushing me off the edge. Everything that has gone wrong in my life has been building up to this. The abuse from my dad, the loneliness as a child, all the depression surrounding my life, Lauren being my shadow, and all the friends I've lost along the way. Everything has been building up to this. The main event. The big, grand finale which is due to end in a splatter. And as I conclude my story, the main event crawls closer and closer, pushing me further and further. I look down. It looks like a great fall, a great image to capture as I fall slowly but surely.
And I started my story on this cliff, this same cliff that this story could end. I guess what I'm just trying to say is, you've heard my story. And there's nothing left to hear;