Three months ago was the last time I visited the cliff. I've had no urges to go back. I've had no urges to publish the biography I did about Ro. I've had to urge to try and figure out the "mystery". Since giving up on that, my life has seemed dark and pointless. I've had nothing to try and solve. Nothing to try and fit together with my English skills. I haven't even looked back through Ro's diary since.
I headed to the library to try find a good book to read. Something to distract me from the upset I've been feeling. I walked past her old office and took a peek inside. There was already someone who took over Ro's position. Some woman younger than Ro obviously, but nowhere near as good looking. It looks like Ben's office has been taken too. He must've quit work. I haven't heard from him since I last visited him. I didn't want to be a reminder of Ro, plus he hadn't actually text or called since I gave him my number so he clearly didn't want to have a conversation with me.
I finally reached the library. It was quiet which was odd. Most people loved visiting there. Usually it was full of kids. But now I guess everything feels like it has been taken over by ghosts. Mainly the ghost of Ro. Her ghost never seems to leave my side now, like it is still gripping on to me. She doesn't want to let me go. I looked around at books when I bumped into a man. He was tall with a white smile which blinded me. "Sorry," I said as I looked up at his smiling face.
"You're okay love," he laughed as he took out a book called Ghost Busters. "Ghosts, evil creatures." He continued to laugh as he flipped through the pages.
"No they're not," I snapped as I picked up a book about zodiac. "They're just dead people. One day, we will all be ghosts."
I felt lightheaded so I closed my eyes. When I opened them, he wasn't there. I felt a bit sick. I looked around to see who was watching me. Everyone had their eyes on me. The man was nowhere to be seen. I must've been hallucinating again. It happened a lot since I lost Ro. Feeling embarrassed, I ran out of the library and burst into a flood of tears. Something told me I should visit Ro's grave. I'd done it religiously every day for a month after deciding not to continue with the "mystery".
Slowly, I took myself up to her grave with a bouquet of pink and cream roses. Everyone chose red and I didn't want to be predictable. I wanted to stand out from the rest. I hoped Rosie would appreciate my gifts. I smiled as I looked at her grave. As I went to place the flowers on the grave, something stopped me. Something being the urge to say goodbye to Rosie properly. This urge took me and the bouquet back to my car. It drove my car to the cliff. As I parked up, I felt something next to me. It felt like some sort of spirit, like Rosie's ghost. There was a light breeze in the car, but as soon as I opened the car door and stepped out, all I could feel was the sun against my skin. It wasn't a windy day which is good because I was able to stand of the edge and say a proper goodbye to Rosie.
The edge of the cliff didn't feel so dangerous without the wind. Even a light breeze makes it feel dangerous. I looked down into the fog where I couldn't see anything. It would be dangerous down there, I know it. That's probably why they didn't find Rosie's body. After all this time, I've now realised why they never dared to find her body. I threw the bouquet of flowers down so they'd land where Ro hit the ground. Tears starting falling down my cheeks. "Hey Ro," I whispered as I looked down. I let out a little laugh as I tried to wipe away my tears and look up to the sky, "I'm sorry I didn't believe you were dead. I know now. I keep feeling your ghost, your presence. It really helps me get through the day."
I took a deep breath as I bit my lip. I tried to hold in the tears but my lips were shaking and the tears kept falling. They were uncontrollable. My voice stared to shake too. "I'll forgive absolutely everything you've ever done. I would go through all that again just to see your face once more. Ro, I know we separated, but I really, really miss you. I stalked you all the time, and now it just feels... Lonely... Lonely without seeing your pretty face every day. Ben seems to be doing okay... I think, I mean I haven't seen him since I visited him. He wasn't good then. I just want you to know that everyone forgives you for anything you've ever done Ro. And we would do anything to have you back. I know you felt sad and lonely, and suicide wasn't the answer... I just wish you'd reached out to talk to someone. We could've helped..." I wiped away the tears and took a deep breath. "I wish you were here, Ro. I really love you. Stay strong and keep being my little fighter."
I looked down once more. As I was about to wave and say goodbye, a round of applause interrupted me. Nobody came to the cliff. I spun around. Suddenly, I felt really pale and dizzy. I couldn't believe my eyes. I blinked a few times to try see if I was dreaming. But the figure was still stood there, clapping.
"Putting on an act, like you always used to? Poor little Dusty. I almost felt sorry for you."