all the words for pink

"tell me it will be okay," i say. "tell me nothing will ever change."

jamie's eyelids flutter, and her hair is fanned out like an angel's halo. "sweetheart, if that's your wish, then nothing ever will. nothing will ever change."

i always loved her for that lie.

**this is a really complex-seeming project that i've been working on for almost 2 years, in a thousand different forms. it kind of sucks but i kind of like it, so everything's okay (: was called silver stars but i'm an indecisive little brat


2. papaya whip

the first memory i have is of eliza bringing alison home for the first time. she was two, and i was three. i remember wondering why eliza would ever want more of us, because she didn't seem to like jay or marlene or i much, even then. but i think at that point i was the only one that noticed.


al was a beautiful baby. she had the biggest eyes and the plumpest cheeks. she didn't cry much, and she was always laughing. i am pretty sure the only reason eliza bothered adopting rose and getting pregnant with everett was because she thought maybe they would be easy babies like alison was. which turned out to be half true, i guess.


al was my first baby sister. i thought she was remarkable.


i think first younger siblings are always special. i was marlene's, and she hated me. at first. she still might, or at least she doesn't like me. jay is younger than me, but not really. eliza had a c-section for us, though i'm not sure why, because jay and i were very big, healthy twins. she doesn't talk much about when jay and i were born. i think she discovered pregnancy was a lot of work, and that she didn't want to do it again. she did anyway, but i'm not sure if that was because she wanted to or because it just happened.


anyway, alison was perfect. eliza always thought i never liked her as a kid, because she took the attention off of me. that was true. i was a needy kid. still am. but alison was perfect.


the day al came home was the day i started giving my heart away. bits of it, you know? they started breaking off.


marlene i loved in a special way, and jay i loved as me. not like he wasn't his own self, because he was. he is. but as part of me. he is. so alison was different. she changed me. but this is not that story.

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