8. In the dark (Bucky x reader)
Exhausted after the long day and all the stairs I entered my room. Finally I kicked the heels off my feet. I dropped my handbag in the corner of my bedroom and started stripping off my dress. I was halfway pulling it up when I realized Bucky was staring out of the window sitting on the edge of my bed.
I made a weird noise and disappeared into the bathroom. I changed to my pyjamas and returned to the other room.
“You’re here already,” I whispered, but Bucky didn’t react. He slowly laid his head in his hands and sat still. I carefully came closer. He was having severe flashbacks and didn’t have control over his body and mind right now. At night it was at worst.
I sat next to him and waited. After a while I placed my hand in his neck and started giving a massage to help him relax. He started realizing I was in the room and tried to control his breathing.
I was so tired and a little tipsy. I didn’t think clear, but I handled in instinct.
Slowly I took of his shoes and opened his pants.
“Relax,” I whispered taking his head in my hands.
He looked up feeling angry and upset, confused by the flashbacks.
“Take it off,” I said while taking off his shirt. The anger disappeared when he sat there in his underwear being even more confused because of my stripping.
I gently pushed him back on the bed. He didn’t protest.
“I want to show you something,” I said in low voice and I lay down next to him staring at the ceiling.
Suddenly the ceiling disappeared and became a starry sky. The moon was half full and setting a faint light in the room.
“You see that?”
He turned his head and looked at me.
“I see what you want me to see, what is it?”
“Every star is a soul. Not just a soul, but a lonely soul or a lost soul. All they want to do is disappear and never come back again and one day they will.”
“So it’s a metaphor?” he laughed and was feeling more relaxed.
“Correct. And you now what? Not all these stars want to die, some of them want to shine. They shine and shine and so bright all their life long so that they slowly be gone in a small explosion to another universe where they will be as successful as they were in this life.”
I lay on my side facing Bucky and placed my hand where his metal arm ended and skin began.
“You are one of these lonely stars, Bucky, and you’re shining. How bright you shine you decide for yourself sometimes, but other times all you need is someone who listens and makes you shine again and live again.”
He sighed and wanted to take my hand away but I leaned on top of him not realizing the awkwardness of the moment.
The room was silenced for a long time. I changed the illusion to an underwater scenery I had seen once on tv. Little coral fish swam by and grouped together. Bucky looked at it in astonishment. After a while he started to tell me his story.
“Steve and I have been friends for a really long time. I was in the army and he wanted to join, but wasn’t allowed. Since then there’s an invisible blockade between our friendship. Then he became Captain America and I was captured by Hydra…”
The ocean became a fields full of cows at sunset.
I touched the scars on his chest. I couldn’t resist. I felt attracted to his flesh.
“Dakota…” he shove me away and he went out of bed. The illusion broke down.
“Drunk people are honest,” I mumbled. I blushed.
(What was I doing?)
“Sorry I interrupted you. Don’t go, please tell me the rest of the story! I always become touchy when I’m tipsy, sorry, sorry…”
He laughed and realized he was in his underwear.
“You become horny when you’re drunk.”
“Well you didn’t protest either. You like me, admit it!”
He shook his head. In his mind he almost couldn’t resist to do things with me we both would regret the next morning. But he had the situation under control. I hadn’t.
He walked towards me and picked me up only to lay me under the sheets. I hadn’t realized how tired I was.
“There’s a spare mattress under the bed,” I whispered after a while, because he was still in the room.
I heard him taking the mattress and other sheets and laying comfortable. We both lay in bed, he on the mattress on the ground.
I had to shut up and let him talk again.
“Can you continue now?”
He sighed and continued his story. How he has seen all the terrible things but couldn’t control his body and how he killed people and almost did the same with Steve.
“I still see it happen every night and I can feel the electric shocks going through my spine. It has to stop, Dakota. Can you do that?”
“I already did… You’re feeling numb and tired… and drunk and horny. Sorry I turned you up like that, women sometimes do that. It’s my aura and I can’t help it, but it has good sides too. You already feel better laying here.”
My whisper became more and more quite. I closed my eyes and wanted to dose off.
“You can still come lie with me, it’s warmer and better like that.”
But I already fell asleep. I could feel myself dozing off and only later feel Bucky curling up next to me, only touching my elbow and nothing else. He fell asleep too and I had a really nice dream about bicycling to school and waving to the neighbours and my friends.
At tree o ‘clock in the morning I woke again. Something had disturbed my sweet dream. It was Bucky, he was shivering next to me and breathing uncontrollably. He had some kind of seizure.
I started panicking in the dark so I turned on the bedside lamp and saw his pale face and the sweat dripping from his forehead. He had no sheets, so I covered him in my warm sheets and pressed myself against him, as if that way I could reach his mind to calm him down.
Two minutes later he was steady and fast asleep again. I caressed his forehead now he wasn’t awake to feel awkward or drunk. I was too close, I knew that, but he really needed this. He needed me to heal him after all the trauma’s. And I didn’t bother smothering him with my touchiness and love, but he was resisting.
Now he wasn’t, because he was sleeping and I examined his metal arm. There was a constant stream of electric pulses going through it, even in his sleep. They were like poison to his moods and brought back all the memories.
I tried to sleep again, but lay wide awake. This was more difficult than I thought. I was falling…