I couldn't sleep at all that night. The memories haunted me, like a dark room that went on and on with no end. Maybe it was my fear. Maybe it was my anxiety. Maybe it was the relief of still being alive, but something was different. I couldn't quite but my finger on it.
Beside me, a sleeping Cody lay; he looked so peaceful, so happy, whilst I was here, wide awake with panic, staring at the ceiling at 3:30 in the morning. How quaint.
I felt movement, and Cody's eyes opened. He turned to face me.
"Why are you still awake, baby?" he said.
I continued to stare at the ceiling. "Can't sleep," I muttered.
He sighed. "You never can. I swear you're nocturnal." He laughed.
I grinned. "Well, I mean, yeah. But I... don't know. I'm just shook up, I guess," I said.
He sat upright, and I mirrored him, sitting up as well.
"There's no reason to be scared," he attempted to tell me.
I apologize in advance for this statement, I thought, opening my mouth to speak.
"There's lots to be scared of actually," I began. "Spiders, death, fear itself, people, change, demons, angels, good things, bad things, murderers, my emotions, my mind, doubts, and worst of all the word 'what' and the word 'if'; alone these words mean nothing, but put them together...'What if' is a statement that has the power to stick in your mind and cause so much pain and irritation that you just can't take it. It can ruin everything," I concluded, stress in my facial expression.
"Look, yeah. there are things to be afraid of, but you being such a pessimist all the time is one thing that can positively ruin everything. That negative attitude it just the thing that could make you leave me at the altar or leave me in general," he said.
"You, you think i'm going to leave you?" I said, shocked beyond compare.
"Yes. You can find someone way better then me. I've hurt you do many times, yet every-time I come back, you accept me back right away with open, welcome arms, like a child that has just returned home after many years away from his family. I don't know why you continue to trust me. I don't deserve it. You have a million reasons to leave." He finished, tears in his eyes.
He really thinks that I would just give up? Tough luck, sweetheart.
"Dude, I love you. And when you truly love someone you never give up on them, and even if there are a million reasons to leave you still look for the one reason to stay," I said. I lay back down and he followed my lead.
"I believe you," he told me.
"Good. Because my love for you is the one thing I DO believe in." That was the last I said before I fell asleep.
The darkness captivated me and took me into the dreamworld.
Night had come, and tomorrow was another day.