13 August 2014
Is it here I say that I actually have friends or No actually I have no friends, I had a girlfriend but she did anything it hurts a lot to my heart, she turned back. I thought we had a really good friendship, but I found out that she only did it to make me a fool in front of the whole school and she got her way I became webbing fool in front of everyone, she said everything possible that I was naive enough to think that people want to be friends with me, a lot of other things were also said, but I would rather not mention them, but I know that I would feel better by saying it, she bullied me over the net, she said a lot of hurtful things. Then I dared not becoming friends with someone when I am afraid that everyone will do the same to me as she did, you think enough who it is I am talking about, but she is not important anymore so just forget her. Therefore, it was lucky at the time that he came into my life.
You sit and think when she meets him, the boy she constantly mentions? Who is he? Why he is important for my story? The answer is simple, he came unexpectedly, but he changed many things, things that I thought were impossible to change, he changed, he did the impossible. However, he destroyed me too inside and I found afterward out I also found out how bad he probably was for me. However, it was not his fault or the in the end it was probably his fault. Do not get wrong ideas of what I said just now, for who knows, what I think of it I wrote that it was somehow his fault.
Your thought in my head right now is enough when you meet him then. Therefore, I did that morning. Do you know the one-mega cliché way of meeting you know you bump into each other, say sorry and everything and expect to never meet each other more, but it still makes it, well that is how we met. I had just been in to buy some clothes, on the way home I bumped into him, we both were busy and looked down into our mobiles so therefore we looked not us around to see what happened or where we went. Then it happened we bumped into each other, we said nothing to each other is not an excuse or a name no we continued just in each of our direction towards each our destination.
After that we met again he was so suddenly become my new neighbour, so my mother had made a welcome basket for them, which I then had to provide when I knocked on I did not expect to see him, him and I got us a very large surprise when we saw each other. We stood looking at each other until his mother yelled at him, Emil was his name or I am very sure since his mother yelled it. The mother came out to us and destroyed in a way our eye contact, she smiled at me and asked if there was anything I wanted, I gave her the basket and said it was a welcome gift from my mother. His mother was very nice and asked if I would join in and have a cup of tea or something, but I thanked no to.
When I got home I could not bear it any longer, I did something I had not done for a long time in a long time, I think more throughout the day, but it is not I do every day but it's something I'll always regret tendons. I opened the drawer in my closet and dug my hand under all the clothes and I could feel the cold metal against my fingers. I led the first gently along my arm so the wound was not deep, the next cut pressure I metal deep against my skin, so that it became deeper this time, I came with eyes the blood of my new cuts glide slowly down my arm . I could not hold it back any longer towers slid down my cheeks; some sob escaped also my mouth before I knew I began to scream I was going out with all my frustrations that I have held for so long. When I was "done" dry I the blood off my arm and tied my arm into so I can just say I have been injured although there is no worry there, even if I stop in the school will not be noticed.
So now, I am sitting here with a diary and am writing with one hand because the other is the ribbon. Sometimes I think about when my life will change, when it will be better and why I was even born if nobody worry about me, I am just a pawn in people's lives. I'm not trying to get you to the pity for me, I also do not want you to have it, the only thing I ask is to do something about it I'm writing you just have to not ignore it here. Well, I will not take any more of your time; I am even quite tired so visible.