12 August 2014
The perfect morning for most people is enough to wake up to the birds' small amazing chirping sounds or wake of the sun's warm rays hitting your face and yes there are some people's mornings only memories of a nightmare where they wake up to quarrels and noise , courts have welcomed my mornings in my life. This day was no exception it was the same thing I was awakened to the bickering, I could not quite decipher what they were arguing about but it was safe for me, I was not the child they wanted. I wish that I could make myself to be the child they wanted.
I followed the way of noise to the kitchen it is so typical them, stand out there, and bickered I never get to hear what they are talking about because every time I get out there, they are silent. I grabbed an apple and went back to my room to make me realize I was never one of those girls who take sick a long time to get ready, because I am one of those girls who do not use makeup. I actually do not really like makeup since it is as well to have some weird sticky layer on the face, and why save one's natural beauty, you are so beautiful without all that on the face. Yes it is my long reason I never wear makeup or course I do but it also made only at parties that I did not get invited to my parents ask me all the time if I should not be at a party or spending time with people friends, sounds enough like they care but no they just want me out of the house so they can just get rid trust me.
Now it's over to the worst nightmare I'm going over to the school, a place where I do not feel comfortable, I hate other people's eyes, as if they are trying to say with his eyes that I'm not worth anything, why should I be what you think surely violently, but this is how others makes me feel as if I could just take action now so they can get to look at me. Believe me if one day I had enough money to flee, I will not think about it for a second.
I am a very quiet girl in school, because I do not dare say anything I'm afraid to make me laugh or be talked about, but I already know that every time I'm not there or goes out of class begins talking about me that is said a lot of things about me, among other things that I'm fake, how can they say that when they do not know me? They have never tried to get to know me so how can they say that. Do you think I am fake? Do you think I am not worth anything? Tell me I do not know what longer be self-belief.
I know I've said that I've what I long to believe, but I'll listen to my heart and it goes to show there's something I'm not then it's fake I'm 100% not fake, I can be difficult to enter but it's not the same as being fake so I'm not fake. Maybe people think I am arrogant because I never shut people in or course if they reach in to me, I begin to push them away from me. Everything that has happened in my life has had a deep impact on me, I find it harder to trust and shut me up for the people, and maybe it is something in my past to do that I cannot shut me up for the people.
The day at school went well should I say. Fine? Fantastic? For it was not the way my day went. I could feel the other students' eyes on me; it was as if their eyes cut, as 1000 knives on my back. However, it is not something new that happens every time, but yes, otherwise, there was not that great in school, it is just the same rumours about me. I wish I did not have to go to school, most but love has a future and know what they will be, but me, no I have no future or well but I do not know what will be, I'm not good enough for anything, how would I find a job and all that belong to.