A text from Hiraku woke me up this morning. My alarm didn't even have the chance to do it's dirty work before the tiny buzz from my phone aroused me from my sleeping state. I groggily sat up in my spot, the duvet still coiled around my legs. From the mirror across my bed, I could see that my hair looked like a baby octopus sticking it's tentacles in the air and my eyes were tearing up from the yawning. I managed to wake myself up a little and open the text to see what Hiraku sent me.
Hey, the boys wanna meet up again...you up for it?
Usually, I would hesitate and think for a moment, but I instantly told myself that I would do this. I had to put my plan into motion. If I keep on pushing it away, then another year of trauma and suffering would appear. That means 6 years of pain and pills, and I don't want that to happen. Once they're out of my sight, they will be out of my mind. Then I can flush those stupid pills down the toilet and pretend that I never had to take them.
Of course! Same place, same time?
I said, pretending to sound excited and joyful. "Oh finally! We are all reunited, I am so happy!" is what I'm trying to come across as. He replied in a matter of seconds.
Yep, same place. I'll drive you home like yesterday :)
I replied back with:
Sounds great! I'll see you in class, I need to get ready :D
Damn, I can be manipulating.
Okay, Junko! See you xx
Did he just do that? Okay...play it cool, Junko. Relax.
See you! xx
I felt the sudden urge to strip my body of the icky feeling that crawled throughout my spine as I texted him those kisses.
I put my phone down on my bedside and went to get ready. I didn't need a shower since I had one yesterday. I simply got changed into a floral dress and some flats, put my make-up on, grabbed my bag and went to the kitchen. Of course, I didn't forget to take my daily pill. I left the house earlier than usual since there was nothing better for me to do at home.
The weather outside was warmer than yesterday. It was the middle of summer, so the weather was getting pretty humid but tolerable. The sun came up earlier this morning and was already beginning to shine it's blistering rays onto the citizens of Tokyo. I could already feel the skin on my back cooking; I was going to have a tan by the end of this day. The sound of birds chirruped in the skies as they flew through the fluffy white clouds. The trees in the houses on my street already blossomed fruits, mostly figs and limes. There were also a couple cherry blossoms in the park near my house and their petals still began to fly away due to the cool but comforting wind. I wasn't a person to like summer, but days like this were the best days during the summertime. It wasn't too hot and it wasn't too cold. It was perfect, like an anime character.
I took my usual commute to the university via train. Once I got there, I decided to go to the cafeteria to eat something since I was too lazy to make myself breakfast. Usually, I would but today...you could say I was motivated to come to the university. Don't get me wrong, I love coming here. It's just that right now, I have things that I have to do.
And the sooner that I get them out of my way, the sooner the pain will go.
As I ordered ramen (I know, very traditional), I heard a familiar friendly voice calling my name. I turned around and saw Hiraku coming towards me with a huge grin on his face. I smiled back quickly before grabbing my ramen and running over to meet him.
"Hey!" I greeted him cheerfully.
"I'd hug you but I can see that your hands are full." He pointed to the steaming bowl of ramen in my hands. We giggled before we situated ourselves at a table.
The first thing I noticed was that Hiraku was not wearing his glasses today. It was quite intimidating because his eyes looked bigger, brighter and more demeaning. I wasn't afraid, I'm not scared of him. He wore a light blue dress shirt that matched his eyes, striped black tie, black slacks and black dress shoes.
"Don't you get hot wearing long sleeve shirts like that?" I asked, trying to start up a conversation. He shook his head, his brunette curls shaking along with him.
"Nope. It's thin material. Besides, I'm very tolerable to heat but not the cold."
"Ah, I see." Things stayed silent for a while and all could be heard was the slurping of the soup coming from my mouth. Hiraku sat opposite me and stared at me with a small smile on his face. I ignored it and continued to eat.
"You know, it's really nice seeing you again." I heard Hiraku say, breaking the silence. I placed the spoon back into the near-empty bowl of brown broth, limp vegetables and pieces of beef. I looked into those eyes...those shining eyes that could lustfully hypnotise people that glanced into them, but can traumatise others in a dark alleyway at midnight.
"It's nice to see you too, Hiraku." I said with a smile that mustered up a friendship that was lost. His pink lips faded into a frown. His bushy eyebrows furrowed sadly and his brow creased appearing with three olive-coloured lines of skin.
"I don't understand why you left Imaroshi." I felt my eyes widen from the words that slipped out of his mouth. My shaking irises moved to look at the floating ingridients inside the ramen. I could tell that Hiraku noticed my immediate silence.
"I-I'm sorry if it's a touchy subject, but I..." I felt a darker entity take me over. I slammed my hand on the table, scaring Hiraku and everybody else around me.
"Go on. Ask away." I said in a cold voice. I glared at him with searing eyes that communicated rage and insanity word for word. Hiraku stared at me fearfully, placing his hands up in defence.
"I-I was just wondering 'cus I..." He placed his hands down to his sides and looked into me with sorrow. His eyes were glossy and he looked as if he was going to cry.
"I missed you, Junko." I gasped. Suddenly, I became angry again.
"You missed me? It didn't seem like that when I was carted to the hospital." Hiraku raised an eyebrow at my sudden change of attitude.
"Junko? What are you talking about?" Everything was coming back to me.
Those familiar pair of blue eyes that showed me kindness on the first day turned against me and tricked me. It was all a stupid game; a trap.
His freezing hands held my wrists down. I was restricted. I couldn't move. I was weaker than a newborn child. With one hand, he gradually spread my legs apart. I whimpered, looking into his eyes. With the other, he pressed his hand over my mouth. As I felt another enter me, he whispered menacingly into my ear as I cried.
"I won't hurt you." What a lie that was.
"Junko?" Hiraku's voice woke me up from my active nightmare. I clenched my fists, my head began to pound and I grinded my poor teeth against each-other. I jumped up from my seat and screamed at him:
"Don't play stupid!" I pushed the bowl of cold ramen onto the floor. I looked at him with seething anger bubbling up inside of me like a boiling cauldron. I saw that he was physically shaking, obvious fear in those damned eyes of his.
"J-Junko..." It was as if a demon overtook my body. I gasped, looking at the mess and the people who weirdly stared at me. Hiraku was visibly scared. But, the demon left. I started to shake. I grabbed my head and clenched fistfuls of sandy blonde hair into my hands.
"I-I'm sorry, I...I...I have to go!" I exclaimed, running from the cafeteria towards the girls' bathroom.
I looked like shit. My make-up was smudged and my face was blotchy from me wiping my face with raw hands. I heard the bathroom door open, revealing Sayu wearing a concerned look on her face. I turned away from her and ran towards one of the cubicles but Sayu stopped me by grabbing my wrist.
"Junko, what's wrong?" Sayu asked, cupping her petite hands around my tear-stained face. She lifted my face up and forced me to look into her light brown eyes. I just cried and buried my face into her sugary smelling shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me and comforted me.
"Junko, what's the matter? Do you feel unwell? Do you wanna go home?"
"I just feel sick...let me wash my face." She let me go and I rushed to the sink, splashing the cold water onto my face. Sayu handed me some tissues and helped me wipe my face of the remaining make-up. She gingerly grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the door of the bathroom.
"Come on, let's get some air." We smiled warmly at each-other before walking out to the courtyard. We found an empty bench near the stone fountain and sat ourselves down. We sat in silence, Sayu rubbing my back comfortingly while I clutched the make-up stained tissues in my hands.
"Why did you come even though you're feeling sick?" Sayu murmured. I shrugged my shoulders.
"I don't know." I simply said. Sayu nodded and looked away from me. I looked at her and she was absently twirling one of her braids in her fingers.
Sayu was an innocent person. She never swore, never said anything that was crude or offensive and never told a lie. She was a loyal girl, in a relationship with a guy named Yoshi (a total bastard, I must say) and never complained about life; she was a naturally happy person who wore her pastel clothing and braids with pride. In fact, she is too submissive which was a bad thing in my books.
"Sayu...has anybody ever made you feel resentment towards them?" I asked, not thinking. Sayu raised an eyebrow at me.
"What? No...well, Yoshi did go out one time and slept with another girl...but he was drunk! He apologised and said that if he ever drunk alcohol in public, I'd have to slap him!" She laughed heartily. I felt my eyebrows furrow angrily. Typical Sayu...always letting people treat her like shit.
"Have you ever considered revenge?" I asked, still not thinking. I just let words fall out of my mouth, I couldn't help it. Sayu gasped and turned towards me.
"What? No! Why would I?" Sayu exclaimed. I clenched my fists with fury.
"You can't let people like Yoshi trample over you like you're nothing. You have to hurt him the way that he hurts you." Sayu's eyes widened, becoming fearful.
"Why are you speaking of Yoshi like this?"
"If I were you...I'd kill him. That's right...kill him. I'd kill him for hurting me, for denying my feelings. The trust that we promised each-other was shitted on...I would kill him with no remorse. I'd kill him." I felt Sayu back away from me as I began to giggle under my breath with an animalistic smile on my face.
"J-Junko...you're beginning to scare me...maybe you should go home." I glared at her with fury, growling like an angry bear. I heard footsteps running towards us, yelling out Sayu's name. Great, it's Yoshi.
"Hey baby! I was looking for you everywhere!" Yoshi exclaimed, engulfing Sayu into a hug and planted a kiss against the top of her head while stroking the back of her head. She smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
"Well you found me." She giggled, standing up with the assistance of Yoshi. I felt like throwing up. Why are you so goddamn weak?!
I ran off towards the girls bathroom again. I heard Sayu calling for me and her footsteps combined with Yoshi's.
"Stay away from me!" I screamed, storming into the university and running to the bathroom where Nagisa and another girl named Aiko were talking while Aiko tied her hair up into a bun. Nagisa noticed me and smiled.
"Hey Junko-" I pushed her and Aiko away from the mirror and stared into my reflection. I heard Sayu and Yoshi approach at the doorstep of the bathroom.
"Junko!" Sayu exclaimed. I saw Yoshi holding her back, telling her to let me calm down.
"I'll show you calm!" I yelled. Suddenly, a massive jolt of pain shot up my arm. I felt something liquid-like trickle down my wrist. I heard glass pieces falling onto the vanity and the screams of Aiko, Nagisa and Sayu. My mind woke up. My hand was jammed through the mirror. It was bleeding heavily and I could feel the glass pieces inside the opened up wounds. But...I felt no pain. I looked at the others in the bathroom: Aiko was calling somebody on her phone frantically, Nagisa crouched next to me and began pulling the glass pieces out of my wounds while applying pressure to my wounds with her sweatshirt that she discarded off of her, leaving her wearing a plain black t-shirt, navy blue skirt and Converse shoes that began to stain with my blood. Sayu was crying into Yoshi's chest, scared for me and scared of the blood. Yoshi held her close while whispering into her hair and kissing her face.
My vision clouded. The last thing I heard was:
"Hello! Yes, a student punched a mirror! She's bleeding! Hurry, quickly!"
Another trip to the hospital.