A//N: (Trigger warning! There is a depressing, triggering moment coming up in this chapter. I apologize but I felt I needed to add this. Thank you. This is also a bit shorter of a chapter. I had requests for the chapter to be posted as soon as possible. I try to do at least 22-26 pages per chapter. If you would like me to continue the extra long chapters, it may take me 3-7 days to make those long of chapters. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
I sit down in the kitchen with Mom and Dad, and mom makes me a mug of Hot Chocolate. It had been just three hours since we had gotten home from town and the hospital. Abraxas, clearly still mad, lays down in the guest room beside Mom and Dad's. Dad said he didn't want Abraxas anywhere near Lucinda, and Mom agreed with him. They also told Tom to stay in her room tonight. Somehow, they realize that Tom is much more of a gentlemen than Abraxas will ever be. Abraxas clearly despises Tom. But what can he do? Tom is much more than just mine, mom and dad's guest. He's also Lucinda's guest, someone she's not afraid of. Tom can protect himself, and I know that if Abraxas were to try anything with Lucinda, Tom could easily over power him, and possibly even kill him. Abraxas had gotten what he deserved, and his black eye will seem even worse when morning arrives. Unable to go to bed just yet, I sit in the kitchen talking with Mom and Dad.
"I still can't believe he hurt her." Dad mutters. "Tom may be right about him being obsessed with her."
"Obsession is deadly." Mom says. "And with Abraxas' anger, there's no way to predict what he's capable of. The poor girl is already afraid of him. Two years of friendship down the drain, all because Abraxas can't stand a bit of healthy competition."
"Not much of a competition, if you ask me." Dad tells mom. "Tom is brilliant, and while he can be rude at times, you can tell it's not on purpose. Afterall, he was raised in an orphanage. He's not used to affection the way he would have been if he'd been raised by his parents. But the way he's so affectionate with Lucinda, I'd say he's a lot better for her than Abraxas. Abraxas looks at her as if she's the prey and he's the predator." Dad shakes his head. "I don't understand why the boy is so obsessed with her."
"Mom, Dad...?" I say, quietly.
"Yes, sweety?" Dad asks.
"Abraxas seems to think that that Lucinda is beginning to think she's better than everyone else, and that's she's not the same person she was when they met. He kept telling me he...wanted her."I say, blinking. My eyes are tired and sore. "Like...as in want..want.."
"He wants to still have sex with her." Mom says, and I nod.
"You don't think he'd try to make her, do you?" Dad asks me, thinking I'd know since I'm his twin.
"I don't know. I would hope not, but with everything going the way it has, it's likely." I tell him.
"Good thing Tom is going to keep an eye on her." Dad says. "The boy can clearly handle himself well. He doesn't look at Lucinda the way Abraxas does. You can see Abraxas stares at her in an obsessive way, while Tom's is an admiring, and devoted type of way."
"That's true." I admit. "I think he really loves her, while Abraxas is just obsessed with her."
"Wait, so when Abraxas said he thought Tom was trying to take Lucinda away from him, Abraxas was serious? Tom has feelings for her?" Mom asks, surprised.
"Yeah, but he doesn't force her to do anything." I tell them. "Abraxas was going to force her to have sex with him, while Tom acts as if he's afraid to even breathe around her for fear that she'll be afraid of him. He's so gentle with her that it's hard to believe that a week ago they couldn't stand being around each other without even fighting."
"Sounds like Tom really might be in love with her." Mom says with a smile.
"He actually is gentle with her." Dad says, "After she had her cast put on when I was checking on your brother, I had came back to the room, and Tom was holding Lucinda and rubbing her back. She seemed to calm down at his touch. She actually relaxed."
"Lucinda doesn't know what love really is, does she?" Mom asks me.
"It wouldn't be a surprise. She accidentally killed her mother, and her father punished her every day for it." I say, saddened at the thought. "He didn't love her the way he should have. Instead he hated Lucinda, and Lucinda couldn't love someone who hated her. She couldn't love someone she feared."
"And that's why she will never love Abraxas." Dad says. "Abraxas really ruined any chance he might have had with her. And if he realizes that, who know what might happen."
"Right. But he wont listen to any of us." I say.
"If he doesn't listen to your father and me, he'll wish to god he had." Mom says, anger dripping into her voice. "He really has crossed the line this time. He'll have to live with what he's done. He'll have that black eye for a few weeks. Tom sure did a number on him. Gotta give the boy that."
"He's not built like a fighter, but he's scrapy for someone his height. Must've picked up a couple of things at that orphanage. At least we know Lucinda and Esmeralda are safe when he's around. He wouldn't let anyone hurt them." Dad tells mom.
"Very true." She says to him, as if they've forgotten I'm in the same room.
"Tom and I are friends now. He never liked me before, but only because I'm Abraxas' twin. He didn't like Abraxas, therefore he didn't like me. Now he sees I'm nothing like Abraxas." I tell them.
"We've always known how different you and your brother are." Dad says. "You weren't tempermental as a child, while your brother was. Often, you would tell us that your brother was mean, and you didn't want to play with him anymore. But you never said that to your brother. You were always a problem solver, not a problem creater.You wanted to help everyone, and that's why you asked us to let Lucinda stay with us, because she had no one else, and you had always wanted a sister, a younger one at that. Lucinda is nearly 6 months younger than you and your brother. She's like the sister you never had. And when you and Abraxas asked if Tom could stay as well, I think perhaps you thought of him as the brother you should have had, am I right?" I nod, embarrassed.
"He's not much like Abraxas."Is all I say.
"You are right about that, dear." Dad says. "Abraxas seems to think he can have whatever, and whomever, he wants. Lucinda broke up with him, he told me."
"She did?" I ask, surprised.
"That's why he grabbed her arm. He didn't want her to walk away. But he forgot about how small, how little, Lucinda is. Or maybe he didn't care. He just wanted her to listen to him. He thinks he can talk her into staying with him. He thinks she will begin to truly love him. Obviously, the boy is misguided, and very, very wrong." Dad says.
"You don't think he'd try a love potion, do you?" I ask. "We learned how to make them a week before the dance."
"Oh my god, he might. We'll keep an eye on him here, so he wont make one. But keep Lucinda with you at all times at school, or at least with Tom. If he makes one and uses it on her, she will love him, but it will be a false love, which can be very unpredictable. She will think she loves him, and if they... have sex, then that's it. Lucinda wont be able to make anymore decisions for herself. She will grow to hate herself, and if she were to get pregnant, we know she would hate the baby as well as herself." Dad says, "We don't want that. We can't have that."
"Dad, Lucinda has very bad depression. Along with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She was cutting for a while, but eventually had stopped. We can't let Abraxas use a love potion on her, because if he does, then her depression will get out of control." I say.
"We wont let it happen." He hugs me. "You're so grown up for your age, sweety. I have no doubt that you'd let anything happen to Lucinda when you're around her."
"Our little girl is not so little anymore." Mom says smiling. "Finished with your Hot Chocolate?"
"Yes." I smile. "I think I should brush my teeth and head up to bed. Maybe check in on Lucinda and Tom."
"Good idea." Dad says, winking at Mom.
I look between them, and ask "What?"
"If he's in love with her, do you think they might...?" Dad asks.
"Their not going to have sex. Trust me. Tom is much more of a gentlemen than Abraxas is, you guys. Tom is probably sitting in the chair sleeping anyways." I tell them.
"Alright, well you can let us know in the morning if that's what it looks like when you go in there tonight." Mom says, and washes the mug I had drank out of.
"I sure will." I say.
I go upstairs and knock on Lucinda's door, then step inside. Their is a small candle burning by the window, and Tom is sitting up in the chair. He glances over at me, his dark eyes reflecting the glow of the candle, his dark hair hanging in his face. I glance over at Lucinda, and see that she is sleeping restlessly. Tom gets up, and walks over to me, and I step out into the hall, Tom joining me. He leaves to door open a crack. "Does she usually sleep restlessly?" He asks me quietly.
"No, she usually sleeps pretty soundlessly, calmly even. Her breathing is a bit heavy as well. Did you have her take a pain pill?" I ask him.
He inclines his head. "I think the pain pill may be making her restless. She seems pretty out of it." Then we hear a small crash come from the room and Tom pushes the door open, and is in the room before I can even gather my thoughts. Lucinda is laying on the floor, sobbing. Her hair is damp with sweat, I notice, and she clutches her arm. Tom lifts her gently into his arms, as if she weighs no more than a bag of feathers, and he smooths her hair out of her face. "Shh. It's alright. I'm right here." He kisses her forehead, and I suddenly feel as if I'm intruding on a private moment. Tom catches my eye, and nods. She'll be alright. I nod back, and close the door, heading down the hallway, and take a turn, leading to a long swirling staircase and straight to my room. I go into my private bath, and brush my teeth, change into pajamas, and then go to my room, laying down. I had thought maybe Lucinda and Abraxas would be right for each other. Maybe. I had always wanted to have Lucinda be my sister, and even though our coloring is completely different, we're a lot alike. But now that I think about it, perhaps we're not. Lucinda will never be my sister in law, not when Abraxas doesn't love her, and she doesn't love him. But then again, family isn't always blood. Just maybe, Lucinda and Tom are meant for each other. I see in my mind Tom pushing her hair out of her face, kissing her forehead, holding her gently and rocking her. She's not a child, of course. She's a young woman. Tom is a young man, already having come of age, a young adult. He hadn't taken advantage of her, hadn't even thought about it. He's not like Abraxas. Tom is somehow more understanding, loving, and caring than Abraxas has ever been. Somehow, the two of them are meant for each other. He's also only a year older than she is, 6 months older than Abraxas and myself. For the longest time, Lucinda and Tom couldn't stand each other. But Tom had liked her since day one. Could it be possible that Lucinda had buried her own feelings since then as well? Or is it just that she hadn't had feelings for him until recently? As in, she had begun to fall in love with him as well? Either way, it's obvious she likes him, loves him even. But my parents had also been wrong. The two of them hadn't done anything, and they sure wont tonight. I grab my teddy bear Mr. Snuffles, and hug him tightly. I doubt they'd do anything for the longest time. Tom takes things slowly, one at a time, just like Lucinda. He doesn't push or force anyone to do anything their not ready for. Tom might not be ready for anything like that either. Somehow, I feel as if perhaps things will go so slowly with Tom and Lucinda, that it'll take months, maybe even a few years before they begin to actually date, and move on to that step in a relationship. We'd just have to wait and see.
Lucinda stops crying after a little while. I can only imagine what it feels like to fall onto hard linoleum flooring when you have a cast on and when you're no more than a hundred to a hundred and ten pounds. Lucinda's hair is damp from sweat, and her eyes seem unfocused. Her breathing is deep instead of it's normal, shallow tempo. I push her hair out of her eyes again, and press a kiss to her forehead. My other hand rubs slow circles into her back, and I watch as her body begins to relax, and her eyelids get droopy. I kiss her forehead again, getting up, and lay her onto the bed as gently as possible, and cover her up. Her eyes close and stay that way. I stand beside her for a little bit, to make sure she doesn't fall out of bed again, then I take my seat again. I drift off to sleep a few times throughout the night, and when I awaken, sun is streaming through the windows, and the candle had burned very low. Lucinda had slept through the rest of the night, and her lips are parted as she sleeps, and I watch her for an hour before she awakens, and she glances over at me. Her eyes are a bit glazed over from sleep and the pain medicine, and her skin is it's normal pale.
"Hi." She whispers, running her fingers through a long strand of her curls.
"Hey, beautiful." I say, "How are you feeling?" I get up and sit down next to her, and give her a hug.
"It still hurts." Lucinda says.
"I bet." I tell her. "Want to go get some breakfast?"
"No." She says, and I give her a look. "What?" She asks.
"You need to eat." I tell her, then kiss her forehead. "Let's go downstairs, Luce."
"Fine." She says, and I help her up from the bed. She doesn't ask to have privacy to change clothes. She just pulls off her tee shirt, her back turned toward me. I easily see the outline of her shoulder blades, ribs, and spine. I know I should look away, but just seeing how thin she is, it hurts to think about why she is so thin. She slips on another tee shirt, and when she takes off her jeans, I look away. I've seen more than enough. When she walks over to me, she is fully dressed, and she takes one of my hands in her good hand, our fingers closing over each others. She looks up at me, our eyes meeting. I close the distance between our faces and kiss her gently on the lips. Her lips caress mine, and when we both pull away, I really want to ask her to be mine, but it's much too soon.
"Lets go downstairs." I repeat, and we walk hand in hand to the kitchen. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy are sitting in the kitchen, talking to Esmeralda and Abraxas. Abraxas glances at Lucinda, and sees our fingers intwinned. He looks crestfallen, but angry. Mrs. Malfoy hands me a plate of food, and has Esmeralda carry Lucinda's food for her into the living room.
"Normally, we don't allow the television to be on during breakfast, but we can make an exception." Mr. Malfoy says.
"No, it's fine." I say, "We'll just eat."
I sit close to Lucinda on the couch, and we eat in silence. Lucinda eats very little before I give her a look. Then she slowly eats everything on her plate. I take the plates to the kitchen when we're finished, and then come back into the living room to sit back down beside her.
"You alright?" I ask her, and she shakes her head. "Want to take a walk?" I ask her.
"Yes, please." She says. "Could you let Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy know?"
"Of course. Grab your cloak, and I'll be back to help you with your boots, alright?" She nods and I walk into the kitchen. "Lucinda wants to take a walk. She wanted me to let you know." I tell them.
"That's nice. Be back by lunch time." Mrs. Malfoy says.
"Make sure to bring your cloak." Mr. Malfoy tells me. "The wind is nippy this morning. Be sure Lucinda wears a pair of Esmeralda's gloves. They should be big enough to fit over her cast."
"Of course." I smile. "See you later." I grab a pair of Esmeralda's gloves by the front door, and help Lucinda put them on, along with her cloak and her boots, which I double tie the laces on. She pulls on her hat, and I smile, noticing how her curls aren't much flattened by the hat.We walk outside, and the cold air whips around us. Without even thinking about it, we make our way into the woods behind the house. Lucinda seems to know her way around, and I take hold of her hand, letting myself be lead deeper and deeper into the thicket of the trees. Lucinda, surprisingly, walks with an amazing accuracy even though she's not watching where she steps. Perhaps she knows I wouldn't let her fall. I watch, though, as she relaxes with each step, as if a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders and chest. She is listening, as if expecting to hear something. We reach a small area, a circle, with now trees at all, just those around it. In the center is a pond the size of a kiddie pool, and about 20 feet from that, a bench. Lucinda leads me to the bench where we sit down.
"You've been here many times, haven't you?" I ask her.
"Yes." She smiles, seeming calmer than I've ever seen her.
"What were you listening for when we were walking?" I ask.
"The wind whistling through the trees, birds and wild animals scurrying around." She glances at me, still smiling. "You haven't spent much time in the woods, have you?" She asks me.
I shake my head. "Wasn't allowed to as a child. Wasn't allowed to do much of anything." I admit.
"When I was a little kid, I wasn't allowed to do anything but stay in the house, practice magic. After my mom died, I would wander off on my own, I tried to stay away from my father as much as possible. After my mom died, my father didn't keep as good track of me. There were times where I didn't even go home." She shakes her head. "Not that he noticed. Whenever I was home we would get in arguments, he would yell at me, and hit me, and tell me I didn't matter. That I should have been the one who died." Her voice trembles, and I pull her in close, her face against my chest. She starts crying, whimpering. I stroke her hair, wishing I could really comfort her. I'd never been beaten. I had been bullied for years, until I began to stand up for myself. I can't imagine being small enough that I couldn't stand up for myself. When her whimpers die down, she hiccups, and pulls away from me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.." She trails off.
"Shhh." I say, and she looks up into my eyes, and I tell her "You're fine. He can't hurt you anymore If he weren't dead, I'd kill him for hurting you all those years." Lucinda's eyes grow wide, watching me with clear shock. "Lucinda, I was wondering, do you think maybe you'd like to start practicing the dark arts with me?"
"Practice the dark arts? Whatever for?" She asks me.
"You'll need to know how to protect yourself." I tell her. "You already know the basics, and from what I've seen, you're a natural with magic. You could be the strongest Dark Witch of all time, and we can get better together. I would want you on my side should there ever be a war."
Lucinda seems at odds with herself. For one, she had accidentally killed her mother with a dark spell. But she also loved learning new spells, especially ones that would help her protect herself. "If I'm a dark witch, does that make you a dark wizard?" She asks me, and I see the small smile on her lips.
I nod, and says "Together, anything can be possible. Think about it. We could rule the world together." I caress her cheek. "You wouldn't have to worry about money anymore, you wouldn't have to worry about anything. We could be together. We wouldn't have to worry about what everyone else thinks of us being together."
"You don't know how tempting that sounds." Lucinda whispers, her eyelashes lowering.
"But?" I ask, knowing something is keeping her from saying yes, straight out.
"But wouldn't that mean we'd have to be ready when we graduate to take over the world?" She asks me. "And what about the fact that it is morally wrong?"
"Lucinda, please." I say, "Who cares about it being morally wrong? The world owes us. We've grown up without the privileges that everyone else has. We could easily be ready when the time comes, to take over the world. I have ways to ensure that. Just say yes, and I'll handle it all."
"Well..." She trails off.
"Say yes, Lucinda. Please. I can't do this without you." I beg her, leaning forward to press kisses to her neck, jawline, and then lips. "Say yes, and I'll give you the entire world." I whisper.
"Yes." Lucinda says. "Yes." Then she kisses me back, her fingers of her good hand slip inside my cloak, finding their way to my loose tee shirt, and slips under, tracing my abs and pecks.
"Dangerous game you're playing, Luce." I tell her, kissing her faster, my fingers aching to rub her belly and sides. Right about now, I doubt she would mind if I were to touch her, but that wouldn't be right. I want her, but I don't need to have sex with her. I want to wait until we're both of age, and possibly married to move on to something so life changing. I pull back, and say in a whisper "We can't, Lucinda."
"I know." She says, pulling her hand out from under my shirt, tugging it down, and wraps her arms around my waist. "I just wonder...what it would be like..." She trails off.
"Wait til we're married, and then you'll find out." I give her a wink, and she blushes. "I love you so much Lucinda."
"Tom..." She whispers, "I think I may be falling in love with you."
"Really, now?" I ask, smiling. "Let's give you more time before you decide that. I'm in no hurry."
"Right." She says. "So about the practicing, when?"
"When we get back to Hogwarts." I tell her. "We should be getting our owls any day now, I did receive word from Dumbledore. We have indeed been chosen to be Prefects."
"Really!?" She demands, and I nod. "Oh my goodness, that's, oh my god. I can't believe it!"
"Happy much?" I tease and she elbows me. "We'll have 2 hours on our own each day. We could go to the Forbidden Forest during those 2 hours and we can practice."
"Wow, that would be perfect." She tells me. "I'll do it." She gives me a small smile that makes my heart clench.
"Thank you, Lucinda." I hug her tightly, then say "Shall we walk back?"
"We shall." Lucinda takes my hand, and we walk slowly back to the Malfoy's Estate. "Just remember, I could accidentally hurt you when we do dark spells."
"I can take it." I tell her. "Plus, you'll need to learn the counter spells as well."
"Right, right." She nods. "I'm sure you'll be a good teacher though."
"Thanks, Luce." I wrap my arm around her waist, hugging her close. "Just promise me, you wont tell anyone about our discussion."
"I promise." She says, resting her head on my chest for a moment, then we continue walking. I see the Malfoy Estate looming into view up ahead, and slow my steps. I'm just glad that winter break will soon be over. At Hogwarts, I always am busy. I'm not a vacation type of guy. I just hope Lucinda knows that, though I'm guessing she does, because she's not the vacation type of girl. She seems happiest when she can put her mind to use. She's not a wallflower that will wilt from a bit of work. No, Lucinda is a hard worker, and and blossoms in everything she does. But will our similar traits cause problems eventually? I sure hope not. Lucinda is the greatest thing in my life, and I meant it when I said I need her, that I can't do it on my own. I really, truly need her help. Taking over the world is not an easy task. We need to work together to make it out on top.
I honestly never intended to hurt Lucinda. Grabbing her arm had been a definite mistake. Somehow, though, maybe it was the right thing to do. She deserved it. She deserved to have a broken arm in a cast, she dumped me, and is openly holding hands with Tom, and I don't even have to see it to know they've kissed. Esmeralda wont talk to me, and my parents act as if I'm almost invisible. With Tom and Lucinda out of the house, I go up to my room and lock the door, something I'm not supposed to do, but who the hell cares? Something my family and no one else knows, for years I've hidden away, not telling anyone what I do when I'm depressed. I grab a small razor blade I hide in my desk, slicing into my arm, deep, but avoiding veins. The physical pain stops me from thinking about Lucinda and how I wont be able to hold her in my arms, and kiss her, have sex with her, have kids with her. All of the things I wanted with her is now null, vanished, gone. The cuts sting, and when I see my blood, I realize just how little my life's blood really means. It is so easily pouring out of my body. That precious Malfoy blood meaning nothing as it drips onto the hard, mahogany flooring. My breathing is heavy and the room tilts and spins as I sit down on the floor, letting the blood run out of my body. It's not deep enough that it will kill me, just enough blood loss to make me warm and happier. I laugh, and lean my head back against the wall. While the cuts sting, the blood, warm and amazing, warms the cuts, slowly drying. I just sit there for a little while, waiting for the dizziness to pass and for me to become clear headed again. When it does, I walk over to my little bathroom, and wash my arm until all of the blood washes away, leaving slightly puckered, red cuts, standing out against my pale skin. I then clean up the blood, and when I'm finished, I cover the cuts with bandages and pull down my sleeve. No one can know. No one...
I walk over to my desk, and open my spell book. I look through it, trying to find what I'm looking for.
Ashwinder eggs are a common ingredient in many varieties of love potions, as are rose thorns, peppermint, and Moonstone. Since there are many different types of love potions, therefore there are many different methods in which to brew them. Love Potions ostensibly cause the drinker to fall in love with the person who gave him or her the potion. However, true love cannot be produced through artificial means, and thus the feelings that Love Potions create are more like obsession than affection.The effect that a Love Potion has will wear off over time. In order to maintain the potion's effect, the giver must continually administer doses, or else the recipient may "fall out of love" with him or her.A single dose typically lasts up to 24 hours, but the precise duration is dependent on the weight of the drinker, as well as the attractiveness of the giver.Love Potions will work regardless of whether the giver is present when the recipient consumes them.The longer the recipient keeps the potions (or potion-spiked items), the more potent their effect will become, as Love Potions mature over time.There is an antidote to counteract the effect of Love Potions, but, even after it has been given, one will still retain all the embarrassing memories of how one acted under the influence of the administered Potion. Love Potions can cancel out the effects of a Hate Potion, and vice versa, as they are the opposite of each other. Amortentia is the strongest Love Potion in the world. It is recognizable by its mother-of-pearl sheen and by the spiraling steam that rises from it. The smell of the potion varies from person to person and is dependent upon what each individual finds appealing.
Hmm this might work to my advantage.
My time at the Malfoy's had come to an end. Each day had become the same, and the routine was not something I enjoyed. I did, however, like spending time with Tom, though it was nothing like I had expected it to be.Instead of skipping ahead in time, I wanted more and more time with Tom. I had nearly forgotten that Tom would become Voldemort, just like I had nearly forgotten about myself not being from this time. Two weeks spent with Tom was better than one week with Abraxas, that's for sure. Back at school, things were not like they once were. I spent more time with Esmeralda and Tom, and less and less time with Abraxas. As Tom had said, we are now indeed Prefects, and everyone watches the two of us around each other as if expecting us to fight. But when they notice the small touches here and there, they seemed more shocked. There were whispers and rumors going around. People wondering if Abraxas had really hurt me.
I get annoyed pretty quickly, and when I notice some of them pointing at me, laughing, I look them in the eyes. Tom, standing beside me, told me to ignore them. Instead, I open my mouth, my voice louder than it's ever been. "10 points away from Gryffindor for each of you." They then look annoyed, but I ignore that, and walk out of the school, Tom rushing to catch up to me as I make my way into the Forbidden Forest.
Tom takes my hand, and says "Luce, you just have to ignore them. Just because they find it funny, doesn't mean it is." He makes me stop walking and look him in the eyes. "They'll get theirs in the years to come. I assure you of that."
"You think so?" I ask, unsure.
"I know so." Tom says, pulling me in close. "I promise you so."
"Good." I kiss him, wishing that I could handle being laughed at. Wishing that nothing would bother me. I continue kissing him, caressing his tongue with my own, suddenly wanting him to take away all of the pain, wanting him to make me forget every bad thing that's been happening. Tom kisses me back, rubbing my back as we lean into each other and against a tree. I reach up and cup his face between my hands, even though one is casted. Suddenly, we both lose all track of time. We stop kissing, and Tom presses his lips to my neck, gently kissing and sucking it, his hands sliding up and down my back and sides. My heart is racing, but I just slide my arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly. Abraxas never would ever be able to make me feel like this. My heart had never raced like this when he touched me. Each touch is like an electrical current running through us. Tom nibbles on my neck, making me shriek not in pain but in pleasure. Gasping, I hold onto him tighter.
Moments later, we're laying on the ground, snow making us cold and damp, but it doesn't matter. Tom looks at me, eyes wide, breathing heavily. We don't end up having sex. But I also don't protest when he pulls up my robes, pulling up my tee shirt, and kisses my belly. It sends a thrill up my spine, his fingers gently rubbing circles over my belly, my sides, and I can only imagine what it would be like to have sex with him. Would it send thrills up my spine, just like the way his lips and fingers on my skin does? After a while, Tom stops, pulling down my shirt and robes, helping me sit up. He holds me gently in his lap, and whispers "I'm sorry."
"Don't." I say in a whisper, turning to face him, caressing his cheek."Don't ruin this."
"Luce... I shouldn't have..." He trails off, staring into my eyes.
"I don't care. I wanted you to." I whisper. I press a gentle kiss to his lips, then pull away.
"Luce, it's wrong of me to want to have sex with you." Tom says. "I have to force myself not to have sex with you."
"Making out doesn't always lead to sex." I point out. "You control yourself pretty well. I like the feel of your lips and fingers on my skin. It makes me feel more alive than I have felt in years."
"Really?" Tom asks, surprised.
"Really." I answer, "I didn't feel this way when Abraxas touched me, or kissed me..."I trail off. "Everything is different with you. I could almost think that I'd be ready..."
"No. We're not going to have sex yet, Lucinda." Tom says, realizing where my thoughts are headed. "You're 16."
"And you're 17." I argue. "It's not that big of deal. Age doesn't matter."
"It does when we're talking about you." Tom argues. "You're not ready for sex. You wont be for a long time. Technically, we're both still kids. We're only 5th year. We have all of next year and the year after that before we graduate. We're not going to." He tells me. "Don't suggest it again."
"Alright. Sorry." I say, blushing.
"Lucinda, don't be upset with me. It's just necessary." Tom says, and I give him a small smile, and kiss him.
"We're fine." I tell him.
"You sure?" He asks me.
I nod. "I understand. Just as long as you don't stop kissing me and touching me." I tell him.
"You've got it. Can I ask you something?"
"You seem to want to make us a public thing..." Tom trails off.
"You want to know if I've already moved on from Abraxas." I state. He nods. "Yeah, I have. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I ask, surprised.
"I'm supposed to ask you that." Tom chuckles. "Do you want to be my girlfriend, Lucinda?"
"Yes, Tom." I say, and he kisses me again.
"Well, we don't have much time to practice. Want to come back here tomorrow, and practice. Not just kiss?" Tom asks me, smiling.
"Yes." I say, lacing my fingers with his.
We walk back in companionable silence. When everyone sees us holding hands, they just stare. We get in line to get our dinner, and then sit down next to Esmeralda. Abraxas, not surprisingly, is sitting with Crabbe and Goyle. They chortle about something, and Abraxas glances over at Tom and me. His eyes reflect hurt, but he turns away quickly. It breaks my heart to know that he and I will never be friends again. Breaks my heart that all of the good things are now lost between us. Esmeralda gives me a nudge, and shakes her head.
Back in my room, Esmeralda says "Abraxas was telling people you guys... you know."
"What, we never!" I exclaim.
"I know. I told everyone he's a liar and that he hurt you when you broke up with him." Esmeralda tells me."Which is the truth. The only people who believe him are Crabbe and Goyle. Nothing to worry about. We can get back at them later. I just have a question. Where did you and Tom go today?"
"The Forbidden Forest. We both like it there." I admit.
"What did you guys do?" She asks.
"We may have made out..." I trail off.
"And?" She asks.
"That's it. He kissed my belly and sides though." I blush.
"Wow. You wouldn't even let Abraxas do that." Esmeralda says. "You must really like Tom. Like really like him, and not just think you do."
"Yeah. He asked me to be his girlfriend." I admit.
"And what did you say?" She asks me .
"I said yes." I tell her. "I mean, we're not going to do anything, you know? He said we can't. Especially because we're still kids."
"He's not. He's of age." Esmeralda says.
"Technically he's still a kid as well, because we're still in school. We're all considered kids until we've graduated." I tell her.
"True. When he was kissing you, what did it feel like?"
"Like a wildfire burning. Like... I was unconscious of how close we were. Unconscious of anything but his lips." I explain. "It was...amazing."
"Wow." She repeats. "And with Abraxas, what did it feel like when he kissed you?"
"It was like molten rock, slow and still burning, and the longer we had kissed, the more intensely it felt. But I was conscious of everything he did. And it was all so fast, and it scared me." I explain.
"In other words, it scared you to be with Abraxas, but not with Tom." I blush when she says this. But I nod. It is true.
"I'm sorry. I wanted so badly to be with Abraxas, but it turns out he just wasn't right for me." I tell her.
"I understand. Anyone can see how obsessed he was, how messed up it was. I'm just sorry I encouraged it. Tom really is the better choice, Lucinda. He'd never hurt you." Esmeralda whispers.
"Thanks, Esmeralda." I tell her.
"Welcome, Lucinda." She says.
Our room mates come in, and we all get in bed and fall asleep.