how can you hold onto someone when they're not even reaching.


9. 9

The old me wouldn't go to parties. The old me wouldn't get hammered or high. The old me wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now.

I missed certain aspects of the old me. I missed the fact that parties drove me away. I missed the fact that alcohol and drugs made me sick. I missed Addy being my only friend, and being happy with one friend than unhappy with many. I missed when my parents were together. Not when they were together and screaming at each other, but when they were together and they were happy. I missed being happy too. Not worrying about what people at school thought about me, them not even knowing who I was. Hoping to get through school, drama free and then going to college.

I didn't want to blame it on Luke. I couldnt blame it on Luke. The car accident wasnt his fault. Audrey starting rumors about me wasnt his fault. But sleeping with Audrey and telling people we were dating, that was on him.

I was to blame too. I went along with his lie for too long. I got too drunk and couldn't drive myself home. I fell for Luke when I knew he would never feel the same.

I was barely conscious when I heard the door to my hospital room open.

"I'll leave you two alone." I faintly heard my doctors voice. I heard the door close and footsteps come closer to me. I felt someone take my hand and kiss the back of it.

"Rory. I know you can't hear me." I could. "But I need to talk to you. I am so sorry. So fucking sorry. I shouldn't have told you to come to the party. I shouldn't have taken that way to your house. Im sorry for all the pain I caused you. You could d-" He stopped himself, breaking down in tears. I heard him sobbing which broke my heart. I wished I could've gotten up and held him, letting him know I was ok. That we were ok. But I couldnt move, no matter how hard I tried.

"You might not make it and it will be my fault." He paused for a minute. "I should be in a hospital bed right now. I was the one driving. I was a dick to you, and youre the one getting punished." He sniffled. "All of this was my fault. I never meant to hurt you, I hope you know that." I used everything in me just to lift my eyelids. I needed him to know that I was still here. My pupils constricted as they met the bright light. I looked over to Luke. He wore a tshirt and sweats. His eyes and cheeks were red and puffy. His skin was pale and his knuckles were white from squeezing my hand so hard. His head was down as tears ran from his cheeks to his chin, and into his lap.

"I-" I could barely get words out. "I do know that." I said slowly, my breath hitching, as it hurt to breathe. He looked up to me, his eyes wide. He sighed in relief, a large smile spreading across his face.

"You're ok."

"Barely." I wheezed, feeling as if the amount of oxygen in the room was slowly decreasing.

"You're going to be, I promise." I felt tears in my eyes, partly from the pain and partly because I was afraid I wasnt going to make it. I looked away from him.

"Rory, please look at me. Hey, look at me." He lightly encouraged me, placing his hand on my chin and turning me to face him. "You are strong. You will get through this, and I will be there for you every step of the way. You're going to recover. You're going to go home and everything will go back to normal. I promise, you will be ok." He sat next to me on the bed, pulling me close to him.

"But what if I dont make it." I cried into his chest, my sobs being muffled my his shirt.

"Hey, hey." He pulled me away from him so our eyes met. "Dont think like that. Positive thinking is what you need right now. And I will be here everyday after school to remind you that you will be ok. You mean so much to me. And I will never, ever let anything bad happen to you."

"Promise?" I asked, still crying. He nodded, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. His hands remained on my face as a silence fell between us.

His eyes switched from mine to my lips and back up to my eyes. He leaned close to me. I felt his breath on my face as my anticipation grew by the second.

"I promise." Was the last thing he said before gently placing his lips on mine.

"I need to ask you something." He said after breaking the kiss. I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

"And what's that?"

"Will you, Rory Fowler, be my girlfriend? For real, this time." He laughed at our previous 'relationship'.

"Hmm. I dont know." I answered in a serious tone.

"Wait, what?" His eyes widened.

"Im kidding." I laughed as he sighed in relief.

"Dont do that to me." He sternly said before kissing me again.

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