Loving someone you can never have

I got out of bed everyday telling myself it would be alright, until one day it really was


13. 13.

So i was sitting in the bath with Dean and he just told me he loved me. i honestly love him to and i don't know what i would do if he wasn't here. i reached over and leaned on him slightly and he put his bottom arm around my waist and trailed his fingers in shapes on my lower back creating goosebumps and shivers to go through my body and i looked at him directly into his beautiful green eyes. 

i leaned in and kissed him. his kiss was so gentle as his other hand came up to just on my cheek but more towards my jaw under my ear slightly moving my hair and i felt myself relax on him. my breasts were up against his body and i put my opposite hand on his chest. 


he deepened the kiss by secretly sliding his tongue into my mouth and tilting his head to the side. i heard movement but i didnt take noticed until i heard a recognisable voice. "I come in to apologise and i find you taking bubble baths and sucking face with a guy that you met not long ago and living with. jesus Clara, could you be any more immature?" i pulled away and looked up to see Jaxon standing in the doorway with a disappointed look on his face and i tensed up. 


"Shit" i muttered and slightly slid down in the bath so i could put my head on Dean's chest and i closed my eyes. he ran his hands through my hair and i sighed out. 


"I'm sorry" i mumbled before standing up and wrapping myself in a towel and walking out to follow Jaxon. "Jack wait" i said and he stopped at the front door and turned to look at me. 


"What were you thinking?" he said and i looked at him. 


"Listen, i let you live your life. I don't intrude or tell you that your partner choice isn't worthy of my approval even through she is considering she's my best friend but. you need to understand! i have to live my life, i'm in love with this guy and if i want to take bubble baths and kiss him in my own home then thats non of your business! Jack I'm not a little 15 year old girl anymore! I'm about to turn 18 this year and i don't need protecting like i used to." i said to him and he looked at me. 


"You don't understand though Clara! you threw your life away not long ago! You did drugs and drank all the time and nearly died, i barely knew who you were and i only just got you back to who you used to be. You don't know how tough that was for me! i always protected you, from boys, fights with your friends, when mum and dad got angry at you for nothing, when your ex was abusive! i was always their for you and then you shut me out and nearly died! I just can't loose you Clara, your my only family left and i need you!" he said and i looked at him. 


even though i understood what he was saying and everything, i still don't understand why he cared in my partner choice. "I just don't want you to throw your life away" he continued on in a quieter tone. 


"I'm not! Im doing a course in nursing, i live independently and even though being sexually assaulted I'm fine! i just need you to let me live and be with who i wanted to be and just be there for me when i need to call you at night cause i fight with someone or i get locked out or i just need someone to talk to! but lately all its been is lectures on drinking and not allowed to date and rules and everything!" I was so annoyed and i just wanted to strangle him. 


"Wait, sexually assaulted by who?" he asked and i froze realising i said it without meaning it. 


"I'm going to go and get dressed" i changed the topic quickly and ran down the hall. i heard the door slam and him calling my name but i ran into my room and shut the door and locked it. i turned around to see Dean was standing without a shirt on looking at me. 


he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. i pulled away and walked towards my draws dropping my towel and putting undergarments on and then going to my bottom draw and pulling out a silk white nighty that was a bit short coming to my upper thing but oh well. i sighed and leaned on the draws and i felt fingers run up and down my arm. "Clara please open up" Jack was on the other side of the door. 


i turned and looked at Dean who looked at me with sorrow in his eyes and i just crawled into bed. he sighed and walked over opening the door and letting Jack it. Jack looked at him and Dean looked back and then Jack looked at me. "I don't want to talk about it" i muttered pulling the blankets up and turning on the TV. 


"Well can one of you explain" he was so pissed. i felt the bed move and someone kissed my shoulder, i could feel the tickles of Deans hair on my shoulder and neck and i looked at him. 


"Want me to explain?" he asked and i nodded and he kissed my shoulder again before he left the room and walked out with Jaxon following him. 


i sat there for about five minutes before walking out of my room to see Jaxon on the couch with Dean and Jack looked at me and he pulled his head signalling for me to come over and i walked over and he pulled me down and i curled up on his lap. "Why didnt you tell me sooner" he asked and i shrugged before moving my eyes up to see Dean looking at me and then he blinked and looked down. 


i just waited him as he played with the rips in his jeans and then i felt Jack move under me. "Im going to go. Beth is waiting in the car" he said moving me off him and walking out the front door locking it.


i moved over to Dean and he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in and i was slightly leaning back but his body was still pressed against his. i moved my legs around his waist and pecked his nose and he smiled. his eyes seemed to be studying my entire face like he was looking for something and i ran my fingers through his hair. 


i moved slightly turning on the TV and putting how to train your dragon 2 on. "Serious?" he asked and i grinned and moved so i was lying in his lap. 


"Shhhh its one of my favourite movies. i just love Hiccup so much i don't know why and i love his bond with his dragon and i love him and Astrid okay" i said and he laughed a little running his fingers up and down my stomach while we started to watch the movie. 

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