Loving someone you can never have

I got out of bed everyday telling myself it would be alright, until one day it really was


12. 12.You

i invited Beth and Jaxon over and she came with me and Jaxon was meeting us there. as we pulled up i got out of the car at the same time as Beth and walked up to the front door and opened it to see Dean standing in the kitchen with only jeans on and no shirt eating a bowl of oats and fruit and as hot as it was and i just wanted to eat it with him i stopped turned and looked at Beth before looking back at Dean and he stopped eating. 


i walked up to him and looked at him and he looked at me. "Sorry i should have called" i said 


"Its okay. its your house. ill go put a shirt on" he replied and put the bowl down on the counter and kissed my head before walking into my room and i turned to look at Beth who was smiling at me and i rolled my eyes at took a bite of the oats with a blue berry and raspberry on the spoon too. 


he walked back out with a black shirt on and i sat on the bar stool. "Um Dean thats Beth, my best friend" i introduced them and he shook her hand and she smiled. and then my brother walked through the front door and stopped when he saw Dean. i feel like he doesn't approve because when he first met Dean, we were both on the couch. 


"Dean, what are you doing here? And are you leaving? I saw a forsale sign on your house" he asked and Dean a little bit to excited for the second bit but Dean looked at me and then i shook my head and then back at Jaxon and i looked at Jaxon and he looked at me and it was very awkward. 


"Jack can i talk to you?" i asked getting up and walking into my room. two seconds later he walked in and i closed my door and he sat on the bed. "I need to tell you something. and you can't get mad because truthfully its better this happened then it didnt for other reasons but thats a whole different story i just don't want to get into" i said a bit to quickly and he just looked at me. 

"Dean moved in" i mumbled and he stood up 


"Are you being serious? Who says you have the right to let someone move in! someone you don't even know! You know what Clara, this is exactly what i didnt want to happen when you moved in on your own. you always go out and meet some strangers and become to close to them to quickly and you trust them and then they screw you over and you come to me and i tell you its going to be okay but i know that its not and your just an idiot!" he was yelling at me and i just crossed my arms 


"How is Dean moving in here a bad thing? And for a fact i do know him thank you very much" i snapped back and he smiled. 


"I'm just trying to protect you Clara! thats all i ever do but you don't see that! I can't believe you. you know what I'm selling this place and your coming back to live at mums place with Beth and i" he was screaming at me and i just looked at him. 


"Really? BECAUSE DEANS BEEN THERE MORE FOR ME IN THE PAST TWO MONTHS THEN WHAT YOU HAVE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN CALL ANYMORE OR NOT EVEN COME AROUND! you can't just force me to leave because I'm not going to" i was furious! i couldn't take it and this is why i didnt want to tell him but it had to be done. 


i ended up walking out of my room and out the back door down the beach and sitting on the edge of the water with my feet just touching the water as the waves rolled in. i didnt want to but tears started rolling down my face and i hated the fact that one of the people i love and care about most doesn't like the other person in my life right now. 


I heard Dean and Jack talking well actually all i heard was Dean yelling "I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I DONT THINK SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU" from my house which is a good 300m away. i heard feet and then a beach towel was put down beside me and Dean sat down. 


i wiped of the tears going down my face and rested my head on my arms that were wrapped around my knees. i looked at the sand just in front of Deans feet. "How much did you hear?" i asked but i barely spoke cause my voice was about to break and i would have started crying again


"All of it" he said and i knew he was looking at me. he sighed out but i didnt know if it was a 'I'm screwed cause her brother doesn't like me' or a 'i don't know what to say in this situation' kind of sigh. i moved my head so my temple was on my arm and looked at Dean and he copied the exact same position as me making me laugh a little and then he smiled and his smile made my heart flutter. 


"Im sorry" i said and he shook his head 


"Don't be. Im the one that has to prove to your brother that I'm good enough. Am i good enough?" he asked at the end and i smiled and put one of my hands on the sand and leaned over, closed my eyes and kissed him. his head moved from his arm and he put one of this hands on the side of my face and then a giant wave rolled in drenching us both. the tide is changing obviously. 


i laughed and his jeans and everything got wet and as it came up we both fell back and got completely drenched and considering Dean was lying on the beach i leaned my arms on his chest and looked at him. "Thank you for being there for me" i said and he smiled and grabbed one of my hands and kissed my fingers. 


"You're welcome baby" he said and my heart melted that he could me baby. 


i looked up back at the house to see Jack standing there and then he turned around and walked back through the house. "I need to apologise" i sighed out like 'a i don't want to do this but i know i have to or he will never forgive me' 


"You don't need to do anything. you weren't in the wrong and he will eventually apologise because i can tell he cares about you and i feel like I'm going to be seeing him a lot considering i now live here and he knows that" he said and i laughed a little at the fact that he was right. another wave rolled up onto us and it made me jump up and run up the beach. Dean started chasing me until we got inside and i noticed the house was empty so i ran straight into the bathroom and got completely undressed. 


I started to run the bath which was a giant spa bath with jets and all this cool stuff and i got in and held the bath bomb which made it all bubbly and sparkly and purple and he walked in soon after and smiled before getting undressed and jumping in with my. he sat opposite me and just stared at me as i turned of the water and then i looked at him. "You're so beautiful" he just said it. like it was nothing like he didnt care if anyone heard. 


i smiled and looked down at the bubbles and i could feel my cheeks going red. he started to move in the bath and came up beside me and i turned my head and looked at him. "i love you" i blurted out quickly and then realised what i said and looked at him and he had a giant grin on his face and he put his hand just on the side of my rib cage just beside my boob and he leaned in and kissed me. 


he moved his lips down my neck slightly leaning over to my and then he started to give me a hickey just under my ear and i felt my entire body just relax and i think he noticed because he smiled a bit before moving his hand from my rib and sliding it around my back giving me goosebumps as i felt his arm on my bare back. he lifted his lips and whispered right into my ear "I love you too" before kissing my cheek and letting go of my body relaxing beside me again and closing his eyes. 


i smiled and looked at all the perfect features on his face knowing i told the truth. i really do love him 

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