Loving someone you can never have

I got out of bed everyday telling myself it would be alright, until one day it really was


11. 11.

i opened my eyes and moved slightly but hit someone. i turned slightly to see Dean asleep in bed beside me and i smiled a little before rolling over and pecking his lips. then his cheek and jaw and neck. he moaned and grabbed my waist and pulled my in so close i was up against his body with my head buried in his neck. 


i looked over at the alarm clock to noticed it was 9am and i pushed myself out of his grip and got out of bed. i went into my closet and slid on a t-shirt dress and some sandals before putting my phone and wallet and keys in my handbag. i kissed Dean's cheek and he grabbed my arm. 


"Where are you going?" he asked and i dropped my bag and layed on top of him and leaned my chin on my hands on his chest. 


"I'm going to shop for a maid of honour dress. my best friend Beth messaged me two days ago asking me to be her maid of honour. i asked who she was marrying and it turns out to be my brother so i need to go dress shopping" i said and he smiled and kissed my head. 


before i forgot, i ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth that ran out the door, getting in the car and driving to a little cafe for breakfast with her. i arrived and got out of my car and locked it before walking inside. i saw her sitting in our booth at the cafe we always go to. 


she got up and ran up to me embracing me in a hug and then we went and sat down and got what we normally did. Pancakes with blueberries and a thick shake. there was normal chit-chat and catch up but then we got into wedding business. "What colours are you going for?" i asked and she smiled. 


"Royal blue and white of course" she said and i smiled because it hasn't changed since 3rd grade. 


"i can't believe your marrying my brother. i knew you were always in love with him and he secretly liked you but i never imagined you two getting married" i said taking a bite of my pancakes. she smiled and we finished our meal and considering she walked to the cafe, we got into my car and drove to a store that sold all different types of dresses. 


We both got out and when we went inside, the lady gave us champagne and we looked at Brides dresses first. there were so many to choose from but we both found one and it was big and white and ball gown. just perfect. it slightly dragged along the ground and had the waist ribbon in white and was just perfect!


once picking the main dress, i tried on a few until we found a royal blue in the perfect vibrant colour and I tried it on and the dress sat on my body perfectly and was flowy at the ends like it was the perfect dress! 


"So Jaxon told me there is a new neighbour that he caught you two together" she said grinning as she was in her wedding dress and i was in the bridesmaids/maid of honours dress. we both sat down and i looked at her. i felt the blood in my cheeks rise and my smile spread across my face making her smile. 


"Okay his name is Dean. he looks like he should live on a beach and its good cause he does but he doesn't live next door anymore" i said twiddling my thumbs 


"Wait so where is he?" she asked and my smile got bigger and i looked at her and then back at my thumbs and at her 


"Well i left to come here this morning with him asleep in my bed" her mouth dropped and she looked so surprised. "Okay his mum and sister moved and he didnt want to and i didnt want him to move and i kind of just told him to live with me and he said yes which shocked me at the time but I'm really enjoying it" i blurted out and he jumped over and hugged me. 


"Finally my little baby has an actual boyfriend" he said and i laughed a little wrapping my arms around her waist. 


"Well we aren't dating. like we had a rough patch for a while where we didnt talk but he hasnt asked me out" i said and he let go and pulled up 


"but has he done anything aka made a move" she asked confused and i smiled again. 


"Well the other night we kinda..." i started to stay and she screamed and wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me again making me laugh. 


"Well tell me all the details. all the info" she said with an evil grin on her face and i looked down. 


"Okay the first thing, he has the best body in the world! and he's so sweet and protective and and he has these beautiful green eyes and a perfect straight white smile, his hair is curly and sits so nicely around his face. his nose is perfect like it was designed and when he kissed Jasper, his face still looked so great with his outlined jaw and he is so tan it just suits him so much. he also looks at me with this caring look like he just wants to sit there and hug me all night but again he just wants to kiss me. ugh and when he kisses me, he has this passion but he is so gentle like he doesn't want to hurt me and he touches me i feel this like this pulse go through me and whenever he looks down at me and then puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me softly i feel like my knees are going to give way. and when he hugs me i feel his arms around me and i rest my head on his chest and take in his scent and close my eyes and just completely relax." i was looking down at her dress as i was playing with it and then i looked up at her and she was smiling at me. 

"What?" i said and her smile got bigger. 


"You're in love with him. you are totally in love with him" she said and i got up and walked back to look in front of the mirror and looked at the dress while smiling and biting my lip slightly and looking down. 

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