The battle against the Volturi was over. Bella, Edward, and Renesmee Cullen were home. Bella and Edward were about to kiss, when--
"You're under arrest!"
They turned. A police was at the door.
"What does arrest mean?" Bella asked calmly.
"Don't be a wise guy. Come with me. Now!" said the officer.
Bella looked dumbfounded. "Wise? I don't know the meaning of the word."
"Come," said the officer firmly.
"All right," said Bella. "Be right back, Edward."
"No!" Edward shouted. He had a bright idea; it was all in his wake. He began to sparkle!
The officer rounded on Edward. "You're under arrest, too!"
"What for?" Edward asked defensively.
"If it isn't bad enough that you seduced a teenager, sucked her blood, and are gay..." He paused. "...you sparkle!"
With that, both of them were dragged to prison.
They didn't lock them up at first. Bella and Edward sat on a bench outside the jail cells.
"I am assigning this deputy to watch over you," said the officer, pointing to a burly man by his side. "He will see to it that you lay off on sparkling and resisting us."
"Okay," said Bella.
"All right," seconded Edward.
The deputy eyed them. "So, Edward, why are you here?"
"I think it's because I sparkle," Edward replied.
"And, Bella, how about--Ulp!" As he spoke, the deputy turned to her. He took one look at her face and fell over, dead.
"What? What happened?" Bella asked.
"I think he died from your ugliness," Edward said.
"That's not a surprise," said Bella formally.
Just then, the Sheriff arrived. When he saw the deputy's corpse, he went into panic. "You two!" he shrieked. "What have you done to my deputy?"
"I - I don't know!" Bella shrieked. "He saw my face, turned to me, and--"
"Say no more," said the Sheriff. "I have two far uglier recruits. They are usually busy as musical celebrities, but they have lended their time exclusively for you two." He turned, and his voice rose. "Justin, Taylor, come on out!"
With that, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift entered the room. Both of them sat down.
"Leave, Sheriff," said Taylor. "We've got this."
"OK," said the Sheriff. He left.
"How are you doing, Edward?" Justin asked.
Edward looked him in the eye, and suddenly Bella heard the sound of an electric pulse.
"What was that?" she asked.
"It was a super-ugly face lock," said Edward. "When two extremely ugly faces lock together, they create a deathly pulse."
Bella nodded, and looked at Taylor. "So, how are you--"
"Oh, Bella, it hurts!" Taylor interrupted.
"What? Your breakups?" Bella asked.
"No," said Taylor. "Just us looking at each other. Can you feel it?"
"It's an ugliness lock," said Bella. "It creates a... what's it called again?" It quickly came to her. "Deathly pulse."
Just then, Lord Voldemort Apparated in the room and drew his wand. Peter Pettigrew and Bellatrix Lestrange stood by his side.
"Cedric Diggory," Voldemort hissed coldly. "We meet again."
"Aah! Who is this?" Bella asked.
Bellatrix turned to Bieber and Swift. "Run along, Muggles," she said coldly.
Voldemort nodded at her, then turned to Edward. "I've been waiting a long time for this. Kill the spare!"
"Avada Kedavra!" Wormtail screamed. A jet of light shot from his wand and decapitated Edward. He spun around twice and fell to the floor, dead.
"No! Edward!" Bella shouted.
"Haha, just like old times!" Voldemort said, twirling his wand.
"Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix shouted. Bella took the spell and fell to the ground.
"Well, I see our work is done," said Voldemort, and turned to face the crowd who had come to watch. "Do not worry, all you sensitive people. Jacob Black and Renesmee Cullen have already been taken care of. Bye!" He grabbed Bellatrix and Wormtail by either arm, and they Apparated away from the Muggle prison.
Just then, the Sheriff returned to find the corpses that were Bella and Edward Cullen. And of course, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift were gone. He took one look at the carnage and shouted, "Hooray!"