Chapter 3 – The letter
I finely got home that day. Jungkook understood that I wanted to be alone so we made a deal. We would meet the next day and walk to school together. That would give me some time to figure out if I wanted him to know anything. I had to read the letter again to help me. Did I really want to forgive or was it just something I thought about a split second. Cause actually I never read the hole letter before, and maybe I could change my mind. But I didn’t think it was the reality.
I’m sorry to be the one telling you this, but I saw what happened with your brother and before you start hating me please read the whole letter.
You see I was just going for a walk around your neighbourhood, because I might or might not have fallen for your smile. The one I always saw you with when you were around your brother or your best friend. You never looked my way and I thought about changing that the same day your brother was beat in the park. I was there. But I didn’t do anything.
I froze at the sight, and I was anyway too late to do something cause when I saw them I also saw your brother laying on the ground, not moving. They ran as soon as I finally got myself normal again and ran to you brother. But there was no pulse. I called the ambulance and told them all the things that had happened, and they came as fast as they could.
When they got there I let them do what they had to, and I just went home. I couldn’t face myself in the mirror knowing what I could have done to help your brother.
The smile you always had on your face had disappeared. And I knew that was part of my fault, but you didn’t knew that. I think you have the right to know that I tried, but failed. I hope you might forgive me someday, because I would love to see that beautiful smile one your face again.
I didn’t realise I was crying at the end. But I was. And if it wasn’t hard enough to think back at the day my brother left, it made it even worse to think about what Maxon did. I know my brother died of something else then the few punches there was, but I’ve let Maxon think he was the reason why my brother isn’t here. That thought broke my heart again, and I was so close to run to the bathroom to through up. Not because it was disgusting, but because it made me sick to think about what kind of person, I’d been to the one who loved me who at the same time had been too chocked to rescue one of the only things I loved.
I didn’t want to be with him. Nevertheless, I could feel the connection between us. I wanted it to end. I wanted so bad to stop thinking about him. His arms was already in my mind so it was already hard to forget.
But I was going to tell Jungkook. He might help me get over the thought of being in love with Maxon Schreave. He was already helping me over my thoughts of suicide.