This is a true story based off of my experience with depression, anxiety, and death Warning: this book talks about depression and self harm. Some parts maybe triggering. Mature language is involved


1. my life story

Hi, I'm Ashtyn. I look happy but the truth is i'm not.

I was born July 24 1998 making me 17 years old. I was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana but later on moved to Los Angeles, California. My life was simple: I went to school at a normal age had a wide variety of friends and was always happy. I always thought that I was a princes. But one day that all changed.

I woke up one day in 3rd grade I had my first day of experiencing the worst feeling ever: depression. Now a lot of you may think "no way anyone can be depressed at such an early age" well you'd be surprised. (I know this sounds really immature and silly but to me it was a huge deal) I had been dating a boy in my grade and at that point I didn't know what love was. We broke up and he started getting bullied. I was bullied too. He left the school at the end of 4th grade and I never saw him again.

Middle school (5th and 6th grade for me) was hell. By the time 5th rolled around i had already been depressed for approximately 2 years. My bullying was almost gone till one day a new kid came. She was part of the 'popular' group and made fun of me. The boys would push me into the dirt and mud. Throwing rocks at me. In all trying to make my life a living hell.

6th grade was a bit of a turn around time for me. I made some friends (which to this day we still talk). People started to notice me more and I started to get happier but one issue still remained: my older brother. Now I don't normally talk about my older brother but he played a major role in my depression. I was bullied at home by my brother and sometimes by my own mother.


At this point I was starting to do self-harm. I would cut, scratch,burn, choke, etc. to myself. My brother would tell me things that no one would ever want to hear. He would say"go to fucking hell you stupid faggot you are worthless and no one cares about you" and "why haven't you killed yourself yet? You don't belong here. You are just a waste of space. YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION TO MAN KIND YOU FUCKING WIERD FAGGOT". At this point he knew I was bisexual. My mom would tell me to get off the tv so she could watch what she wanted she would threaten to beat me with a stick. At this point I had my first serious relationship. I don't know if I truly loved her or not. Everyone would make fun of me and I eventually tried to kill myself.

High school was even worse. What I though was hell was nothing. People would make fun of me because of my height. Like yes I know i'm short as fuck but I mean don't talk about it. My hair. Yes I know scene died in 2007 but don't make fun of my fringe. (Which I still have) People would call me a slut and faggot. That I would be damned to hell because I liked the same sex. They would stab me in the back and spread rumors about me. My depression got worse.

Eventually one of my friends noticed and told the guidance counselor and I was forced to meet up with her. We talked about everything from family issues (my mother moved away and we barely saw her) to my sexuality. She told me to start seeing a therapist. (I still se her today when I need her) I was skeptical at first and I couldn't skip due to the law. I went and eventually cried for an entire hour spilling my feelings out to her. At this point insomnia was a major problem in my life. I had to get on sleeping pills and antidepressants.



Hey guys wow i cried writing this. I e never actually told the public about my life story. The cover was a snapchat sent to me by a person that I went to school with. Don't feel pity for me I don't want it.

Bye babes

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