Chapter 8: Another Late Night Drive With Harry
We drive for about an hour before Harry pulls into a lay by.
"What are you doing?" I ask
"I... I need to tell you something. I don't want you to say anything until I've finished okay?" I nod. What could it be? Is he like dumping me? Well not dumping because were not in a relationship but... "I've err never felt like this about anyone and I'm really confused I think I" he takes a moment "I knows it fast but... oh god I think I love you" this takes me by so much surprise love? He loves me? I want to say it back but something stops me. "Oh god its too soon isn't it?"
"No it's not that it's not you it's just the last time I said it to someone so much bad came from it and I'm not sure I can go through it again it was too much pain" I tear comes to my eye thinking about it.
"What?" he takes my hand and rests it in his "you can tell me" I look at him "come on I've just poured my heart out to you"
I take a deep breath and count to three in my head. I feel ready.
"There was this guy, Dan, my ex. We got together when I was 14 and were together for 2 years. But..." my stomach churns "he use to say things to hurt me. The first time we had sex he told everyone almost as soon as it was over" I continue to cry hysterically, "when I say he said things to hurt me I mean he knew how I felt about my appearance- my weight. Whenever we argued he'd call me things like fat and ugly. Even when we weren't arguing he'd make comments like 'are you sure you want to eat that' anyway, I let my guard down with him and trusted him and he completely threw it back in my face. I developed an eating disordered and at my smallest I weighed 6 and half stone" I cry so much all off this brings back so many painful memories. "I put my family though hell and back I had to go to an eating clinic for 6 months and I've only been better for a year I still have days where I want to hide away and cry, every time I feel like this I think off him and his smug face looking down on me"
"I had no idea" a tear falls from Harrys eyes,
"You weren't meant to. Anyway the point is I put so much trust into him and our relationship and he told everyone everything we did that was meant to be between us no one else. When I was in treatment I made a vow to myself never to get close to anyone ever again thats why we didn't you know last night"
"even so you shouldn't let him ruin your life any more then he already has"
"You don't get it he was a really controlling person he had a way off getting into your head. One time he err... I've never told anyone this before"
"You can tell me however painful I'm here" he squeezes my hand as if for reassurance
I take another deep breath "after we you know... I was getting my cloths on when he pulled me in front off the mirror and stood there making comments about every inch of my body while I was stood there helpless" I cry so much just thinking back to this day. Harry pulls my head up and hugs me. I can't help but cry into his shoulders.
"Its okay" he whispers "I'm here now and I think you the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on and I promise you if you trust me I will never let another bad thing happen to you as long as you let me, apples" his voice early calms me and I feel like he means everything he's saying. I really don't want Dan to have ruined my whole life he may have taken 2 years off my life away but I won't let him ruin the years to come, especially if I have someone like Harry by my side. I pull out from the hug.
"I love you too"