6. Snapchat Stories
A new feeling....?
So, Julian and I had still been becoming close to one another there was a connection no one could brake which was weird, but I enjoyed hearing people say it because you know it was something special to me. But in reality recently I've been really attracted to my phone that I'm usually always on snapchat posting videos and pictures. I had even made a little segment called "Diana's Mission" where I talked about what was going on at school, who I was with, did challenges, and many other things. Except in snapchat you can also view other people's story's and that's what got my attention more. When I began to use snapchat a lot I noticed I still had Mark on it as a friend, I felt bad and decided to leave him alone and just keep him there just to see how his life was going.
Every afternoon when I would get back from school I would turn on my phone and click on app to check out everyone's stories. Mark's story's usually were the first or the ones in the end ,but I would usually notice how he went to party's a lot, or go to concerts, movies, a whole lot of dates, and go on adventures. It made me feel angry, disappointed in myself. As I felt these feelings my stomach would go hard as a rock because I felt like I had him caged up like a bird. When we were dating we never went anywhere, we were always at home talking,eating, and watching movies. I felt horrible like if it was my fault we never did anything and now he could. Usually people say it's normal because you still have feelings for Mark. But, imagine would I really be liking Mark still? Absolutely not, those feelings I had made me wonder if I ever had a boyfriend again would we end up doing the same lame things I did with Mark? Or would it be Adventurous and fun? That's how I felt...lucky most of the time Julian was there to comfort me when I needed it. Yet I still don't understand myself, my stomach becoming hard as a rock when I see Mark's stories then having butterflies for Julian was something new. I couldn't really recall how it felt to be with Mark, or how those feelings were developed. I usually think my brain was being crazy, but in reality it was all my hearts fault. And now I was feeling bad because I felt I had him caged up like a bird and never gave him freedom. Ugh the struggle was real!
Now Julian snapchat stories always involved him trying different filters and me popping up in different videos. I would usually pop up and say a corny joke where he would laugh and look at me smiling. The videos would usually end at both of us looking at each other and people seem to be entertained when we did those lame joke videos. As I would come across them I'd seem to be able to laugh freely and smile widely cause I knew we had something other people didn't have and that was a true connection of friendship, but not just that maybe a relationship connection as well. But, we exactly didn't know that, I assumed. There are feelings I can never truly express, there are no words that can be used to explain them where they are shown to be the exact emotions. Which always seemed to be a problem for me, because I can't really tell what I'm going through at the moment. Yet I know I'll soon figure it out....Right?