After I finished my homework I headed to my room, pulled out my computer and logged into my Google Drive account. I navigated my way to a document I write on. I scrolled down to the very bottom and typed a name of a poem. The first day. I know it’s a weird thing for a 16 year old boy to do. But fuck it, I don’t have to live up to society's expectations for me.
I placed my fingers in the correct spot on the keyboard and closed my eyes. I found out that when I can’t see what I’m typing, I put my real emotions into it. I started to type away. One word at a time. I let my emotions pour out of me like a waterfall. All at once. When I opened my eyes I read what I just wrote.
The first day I saw you
It was in the bathroom
Of a new school
My breath was taken away
By your beautiful features
It’s so weird
You made me feel something
Something I’ve never felt before
It was like a warm blanket wrapped around me
You’re a guy
And so am I
Does this make me gay?
I don’t know
It feels wrong
But so right
What am I doing?
I’m not gay
I like girls
But maybe a little gay for you.
I let out a slow breath and drew my hands from the cold keyboard. I opened my eyes and looked at my dim laptop. I read it over. My head filled with pictures of his smile. I felt a slight heat upon my cheeks. What the hell? I thought as I shook my head in an attempt to get that smile from my head.
I go to grab my phone when a loud crash comes from Jasons room. Followed by him saying ‘fuck’ under his breath. I stand up and walk towards my door. When I reach for the handle, the door flies open.
“Uh, I need your help. Come with me.” Jason grabbed my left wrist and dragged me from my room.
“What the hell did you do this time Jason?” I asked as we turned into his room. All his books from the shelf were now on the ground. “Oh my god. You’re such an idiot. How did this even happen?” I bent down to grab a shelf that had fallen from the wall. How did this kid even do this? I thought.
“No! Don’t!” Jason yelled. I paused and looked at him over my shoulder.
“What?” I stood up. “Why can’t I help? You did want help, didn’t you?” I asked
“I do… But the bracelet is under there… I think it’s broken.. I’m not ready to see if it is or not yet.”
A thick layer of sorrow filled the room. We held eye contact for what seems like hours. What if it really is broken? Well if it is.. I’m sure they could just use mine as a reference to make him one.. I thought of a million different things in that moment.
“It’s okay.” I placed a comforty hand on his slender shoulder. I bent over and wrapped my hand around the wooden shelf. I picked it up and saw two pieces of a familiar gold band on the ground. My heart dropped. I bent over and picked up the two pieces in my hand. I placed the shelf on his bed and turned around to face Dean. His eyes were watering.
“Jason I’m so sorry.” I say as I hold the band in my hand.
“I’m sure we can find somewhere to fix it.” I say trying to reassure him.
“No. Dad would never do that. You know how he feels about these things.” He was right, he would never pay to get it fixed. He wouldn’t let Alyssa pay for it either. He reached his hand out and grabbed the band. I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by my father.
“What was the noise?” He entered the room. Jason not looking at him.
“His shelf fell off the wall.” I said in a quiet voice.
“Did something break?” There was a long heavy pause. You could hear a pin drop. “I asked a question boys.” He said in a stern voice.
“Yes.” Jason whipped around with tears brimming his eyes. I haven’t seen him cry since my mother passed away one year ago.
“What broke?” My father asked him.
“The band.” Jason said. A thick silence filled the room.
“The one your mother gave you?”
“Yes… Do you think we can get it fixed somewhere?” Jason hesitantly asked.
“No.” My father snapped. “She’s gone. It’s been a whole year Jason! You need to get over it!” He raised his voice. “She’s gone! We’re not fixing it, if you were more careful if wouldn’t be broken in the first fucking place!” My father never curses, only when he’s extremely mad. He walked towards the door. “I don’t want to hear about this again.” He had knives in his voice ready to cut our throats. The door closed with a slam.
Jason had his hand clutched tightly around the broken band. His eyes no longer watery. His jaw clenched closed and anger clouded his eyes. I’ve never seen him this angry before. I knew he was about to blow.
Suddenly, he closed his eyes and let out a long slow breath, relaxing his whole body. In those few seconds he looked so peaceful, so calm, like nothing could hurt him. He opened his hand and revealed two small dots of blood where the ends of band was in his hand.
“Jason let m-”
“I’m fine Nixon.” He cut me off. “Just help me put this back up please?” He looked over to the shelf that was currently on his bed.
“Of course. Can you get the drill?”
By the time the shelf was fixed, dinner was done. We ate in silence. When I finished, I waited for Jason and we headed to our rooms. I open my phone and saw a missed call from Melody. She’s my best friends from Indiana. I click on her contact and press call. The Phone rings.
“Hello?” I hear her say
“Hey Mel. It’s Nixon.” I sit on my bed with my back against the wall.
“Are you okay? You sound.. Sad.” She always knew when there was something wrong. But I’m not going to talk about my father. I just don’t want to.
“Yeah I’m good.” I said “What’s up?”
“I have a question?” I heard commotion on the other side. I knew she was in her room because I heard the familiar faint music box playing in the background. She always had that thing playing. It’s peaceful though. “Are you gay yet?”
I didn’t respond.
“Nixon? I know you’re gay, or at least Bi. I know you too well. Don’t worry I’ll still love you the same. You’re still my Nix.”
“Uh, actually about that-”
“OH MY LORD! YOU FOUND A GUY DIDN’T YOU!” She yelled through the phone. I pulled mine from my ear slightly with a smile on my face. She always had a thing for gay people.
“I think. I don’t know.. He’s really nice, a smart, a cute.. He’s giving me and Dean a ride to school tomorrow. But I think he’s straight. But that’s okay.”
“Do you have a picture? If not get one for me.” She had a sparkle in her voice.
“Melody. I’m not about to take a starker picture of someone I just meet. That’s weird.”
“Hey, I do that to people that don’t even know I exist!” She proclaimed.
“Yes, and how doe that end up for you?” I asked, knowing the answer. There was silence
“Shut up. What does he look like?” She asked
“He has really black hair. Natural black to! Bright blue eyes like the sky on a summer day. Pale skin like Sleeping Beauty. He wears glasses that perfectly frame his face. He’s a few inches taller than me, and about the same build. He name is Skylar.” I fall back and hit my head on my pillow.
“Oh my god. He sounds so cute! You two would be adorable together! I SHIP IT SO FUCKING HARD.” She said with a high pitched voice.
“You ship everyone with me.”
“Because you would look adorable with everyone!” I proclaimed.
“Okay, well I’m so tired it’s like 9 o’clock here, and I have a bunch of homework to do. Talk later okay?”
“Yeah, sounds good. Good night lover boy” The call goes dead.
By the time I finish my homework it’s about 2 am, so I take a quick shower, get my clothes ready for tomorrow, and head to my bed. The second I hit the soft mattress I was out.