I never intended this to be our love story. Short, sweet, like a distance between us was separating us and we had to make the most of what we had. In my mind, you were mine for 4 whole years. In yours, I was just a sweet waste of 5 short months. A tiny, irrelevant chapter in your life which would be quickly forgotten once you started a new chapter with her. Perhaps this new chapter won't be as sweet as ours, but my bet is that it'll be longer. You'll soon forget about me and the memories we made.
The short 5 months we spent together were lovely. I remember when you'd come over and we'd cuddle and watch films all day. The way you looked at me was magical. The way your soft lips felt against mine. The musical beat of your heart when I rested my head on your chest as we fell asleep together. The way your warm hands managed to warm mine up. The way your hugs made me feel. Everything was absolutely perfect. Or the times when we'd go out on day trips together. I loved marching up fields until my feet were in pain just so I could sit at the top and have you look after me. I loved shopping and going around town with my fingers wrapped around yours, and how your parents snapped a photo of us when you didn't see them. That aspect of our relationship was perfect. We played like little kids but best friends. Our tickle fights which ended with you kissing me, or our pillow fights which ended with you rested your head against my chest. We built forts where we would share our secrets. In that respect, we were so immature and childlike, and that's what was successful in our relationship. Yet the childlike manner in which you treated everything was our downfall. You always wanted everything to be your way. Just like you only wanted my heart to beat for you, but you didn't like it when I was having a panic attack. Like you only wanted me to laugh at your offensive jokes, but you didn't like it when I laughed at an inside joke with my best friend. You wanted the whole world to revolve around you and everyone to know your existence. You wanted the sun to shine when you were happy and the rain to fall when you were sad. Everything had to be about you, otherwise nothing was right. It was all wrong. You still expected me to be clingy and needy when I was upset because my whole life was turning upside down. You never once offered to be there, instead you ignored me because I was being too grumpy for you. You never wanted to come join me if I was with friends but you always expected me to go to you when you were with yours. Why you avoided my friends was beyond me. I'm not going to blame you for absolutely everything. You're 50% to blame, I'm 50% to blame. All separations and break-ups are 50/50 blame, because nothing is one sided and we all play a part in the blame game. I guess I was too grumpy for you, and my depression got in the way of us being happy. I hung around with boys and laughed with them which made you jealous, but I guess it's my fault for making you think that even though I told you there was nothing to it. I guess when I ignored you because you'd pissed me off was my fault too, because I completely pushed you away. I'll never paint myself as the victim because I know it was my fault too. I'll never let people think you're the bad one. I'll always protect you because I'll always love you. I'll always take 50% of the blame. But I know you're different. You'll 100% blame it on me, make me look like the bad one. At least this way I look like the better person. I'm admitting what I did wrong. You can say and do whatever you want to get your own back or make everyone hate me, but trust me, I will never say you're to blame. If you ever happen to read this, I hope you reflect on what you've done. What our relationship meant. I hope it helps you to change your ways, and to not treat your new girl like shit, as I won't treat my next lover how I treated you.