Gavin drove back to my house as I sat on the passenger seat, thinking things over.
"Dylan, did you and Mia have sex?"
I nodded and stared straight ahead, biting on my finger.
"Let it out, Dylan. You're going to explode soon and who knows what's going to happen."
"She didn't tell me she was pregnant. I thought we were just breaking up. For fuck's sake, if I knew she was pregnant, I would've helped. But no, she's calling me a bad person." I growled.
A few moments passed.
"Can we go to the castle?" I asked.
As we pulled up, I stared straight at the castle.
"You stay here." I said and got out.
I ran in and went up the stairs.
"Toby!" I called.
I walked into all the rooms, calling his name. He didn't show up.
I sat in the corner of a room and tears rolled down my cheek.
"It's all my fault. I wasn't there." I kept repeating.
I heard footsteps in the distance.
Toby walked into the room, but sat further away from me than last time.
"What time are you leaving this time?" He asked.
"Toby...no matter what your mother told you, I didn't know that she was pregnant. She didn't tell me-"
"My life was Hell. Mom's life was Hell." Toby interrupted.
"Listen. If I had known, I would have stayed."
"Mom said you did know."
"Toby, she was lying. I just figured out today. I was doing research on you and we visited her and she told me."
He looked at me silently.
I scooted closer to him.
"I always wanted a son, Toby. If I knew you were mine, I never would have left last time." I said.
A moment of silence.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there. And I know it's hard for you to trust me, but believe me, I never would have left if I knew."
He stared at me.
"I wish I could help you. I wish I could've stopped you from dying. I wish I was there for you."
"I wish I had you in my life."
He scooted closer.
"You promise you didn't know?" Toby asked.
He stood up and went into the room with paintings. I followed him.
He went over to the painting of him.
"They hung this up as a memorial." He said and took it off of the wall. Behind was hole in the wall, with a box inside.
"Open it." He said.
I looked at him and grabbed the box.
I opened the box and I saw a note.
"May he find everything he hoped for from life in death." I read aloud and looked at him.
"A priest wrote that. Say it two more times."
I said the sentence twice more and I looked at Toby.
"What did it do?" I asked.
He touched my arm and it felt so realistic. It wasn't just coldness or air.
I smiled, tears rolling down my cheek.
I saw his eyes now. His skin wasn't pale anymore.
I held out my arms.
"Could I have a hug?"
He walked up to me and I held him tight.
From that moment on, I couldn't think of anything better. Exploring that castle has changed my life. I used to live a life that I hated but sometimes, your life is just missing someone.