M.S: "Ashton,come up please."
A: "What happened?"
M.S: "Look I'm very worried about your grades. You got a 50 on this exam."
A: "I'm just not good at MATH at all."
M.S: "Thats what I want to talk about. I talked to Jenna and she said that its up to you if you wanted her to be your Math tutor. I figured she is the best choice since she is the best student when it comes to Math."
A smile grew on my face as I thought about being able to spend time with Jenna.
A: "Yes, I'm okay with that. Can we start today?"
M.S: " Yes if you guys want."
As soon as he said that I ran out the room down the hall I saw Jenna in the distance.
" Wait,Jenna!" I yelled from a long distance. She looked back a bit confused,that changed when she realized that it was me.
I ran as fast I could. When I finally reach her I was panting like crazy.
J: " Hey Ashton, Whats wrong?"
A: "there's nothing wrong....I was just wondering if...you could come over my house so we can start the tutoring?" I said a bit nervous. What has gotten in to me? It just Jenna.
J; " Umm...Sure" She said. You could hear the worry in her voice.
A: " Are you sure? You seem worried."
J: " No... It's just that I have never been to someone's house and...I'm just worried I'll mess something up,is all."
A: " Don't worry. Everything will be fine." I said reassuringly. I can't believe she has never been invited to someone's house. I'm happy that I'm the first to invite her to a house. We walked together out of the school. She was on her phone.
A: " Hey Jenna can I have your phone number?"
J: " Sure. 508-***-****." She said a blush slowly appearing on her cheeks. She is so adorable. I just want to place my lips on hers. I want to hold her hand in public and be proud to say that she's mine. I'm gonna make her mine one day. I'm excited to be able to spend time with her.
J: " Ashton, why are you staring at me?"
A: " What? I'm wasn't staring at you."
J : " Yes you were!"
A: "Was not!" I said sounding like a 2 year old. Smiled at her.
J: " I hate when you do that." She said her smile fading a bit.
A: "When I do what?"
J: "When you smile with your dimples showing."
A: " Why? What did my dimples do to you?" I asked giggling a bit.
J: " because I feel like I'm falling for you. Your smile just makes my day.i would do anything to keep that smile on your face but you prefer other girls. And those girl will do you so dirty or some type of way. And I would never do that...Just saying. It's funny cause I'm so good to you it's not fair. And I'm just falling more in love every day and your still going to go after girls no matter how nice I am to you. And even though I try to be so nice to every one I'm always a target to create pain. I don't want to fall in love...I'm scared to. And people say your going to find better or like him. But there isn't anybody like you... I'm still a suicidal bitch... Like you said. I'll never be enough for you or anyone else." She said as a tear slipped from her eyes.
J: " I shouldn't have told you that." She said. I grabbed her face in my big hands and wiped the tear with my thumb.
A: " Don't say that. I'm the one who isn't good enough. I let you down. I should have been there to stop you from doing the stuff that you do to yourself not happen but, I was stupid and let you do it. I encouraged you to do it. Because of me you have scars all over your arms. You don't even know how much I hate myself for it. I cry some nights thinking about you. Cause I...I... I love you. And yet I caused you the most pain. I sorry... Please for give me." I said as my eyes let the tears fall. She kissed my tears away. I looked up in shock.
J: " Don't cry. I hate seeing you cry. Please show me that beautiful dimples smile that I love so much." She said before kissing me softly on the lips. I love this. This...kissing her. I felt safe. Loved in her lips embrace. I love her so much.
She pulled away.
J: " Sorry for kissing you but, will you please show me that dimples smile again?"
A: " First don't say sorry. Second yes." I said smiling bigger than ever.
We finally made it to my house. Can't wait to sit my feet are killing me.
J: " Damn, your house is huge!"
A: " it's can't be that big."
J: " Are you serious?" She says pointing to the two garages in front of my house.
I open the door running up the stairs. Jenna followed behind me. I opened the door to my room. Telling Jenna she can come in.
J: " Wow... You like Green Day. Omg I love Green Day!"
A: " I didn't think you would like GreenDay."
J: " yes I Love them. Oohhh I like that Poster."
J: "Ashton,can I sit on your bed?"
A: " yes, you don't have to ask."
I said. She sat down next to me slowly.
J: " Ashton can I use your bathroom?"
A: " Sure."
J: " can you take the stuff for math out of my bag for me?"
A: " yes."
J: " thanks."
A: " Your welcome." I said as I put my hand in her bag without looking. I feel around to find a pencil. All of a sudden I feel a sharp pain on my hand.
A: " Ahhhh!" I yelled. It really did hurt. A lot blood was coming from my palm.
J: " Ashton! What happened?"
She yelled as she ran down the hall. When she saw my hand,she knew what happened.
J: "Omg Ashton I'm so sorry I should have taken those out of there. I'm so sorry."
A: " Jenna, Why? Why do you have to do this to yourself?" I asked with concern.
J: "Let me take care of that for you." She said. I know she's trying to change the conversation.
A: "Stop trying to change the conversation. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I said as the tears fell from her beautiful brown eyes. She looked at the blade that is in my hand that wasn't cut.
J: "I'm sorry. I just... Need it."
A: "What do you mean,you need it?"
J: "I need the... Relief. When I cut it gives me the feeling that I'm alive after all the hell I've gone through. Lately I've notice it doesn't cause me pain. Without the pain no relief. So I keep on doing it until I feel pain or just pass out."
A: "Jenna that isn't healthy. You do realize?"
J: "I know Ashton but I can't."
A: "Don't cry." I said soothingly. "I just don't want you hurting yourself is all."
J: "I know but it hard. Plus you'll give up on wanting me to stop. I gave up on myself.
A: "Other than me why do you do it?"
J: "I hate myself in ways you wouldn't understand." She said sadly. It seem like a touchy subject. I decided to change the subject.
A: " Remember earlier when you said your afraid to love?"
A: "Why are you afraid to?"
J: "I'm afraid because I know I'm going to get very attached."
A: "Everyone gets attached though."
J: "yeah,but it's different. Look it's a long story."
A: "I have time." I really do have time. I don't do anything.
J: "I'll make it a bit shorter. My mom doesn't know how to love. She will say she loves you but doesn't know how to show it. When you hug her she'll push you away. I grew up with just my dad's love. I didn't grow up with that motherly love. So since I didn't get it from my mom,I get attached to boys the I like or love."
A: "Why does that make you afraid though?"
J: "Because if they leave me,I won't be able to handle it. I won't just be broken. I'll be devastated...Ill feel dead in the inside."
A: "it's okay. I know how to love I'm just scared to."
J: "Why are you scared?"
A: "I'm scared cause if I show someone love. I get attached and then I'll be devastated especially if that love didn't mean anything to them."
J: "If I ever got love from someone,no matter what kind of love it is. Whatever love it is it would mean the world to me." She said. I could hear the sincerity in her voice. I really do love her. I just can't get her.
J: "Hey what's that? Are those drum sticks?"
A: "Yes they are."
J: "You know how to play?"
J: "that's awesome."
A: "Don't tell anyone but me and guys have a secret band."
J: "I won't tell."
J: "ur welcome."
A: "Hey look I'm sorry for everything that I've done. Please forgive me. Can we please be friends?"
J: "Yes we can." She said with a beautiful smile.
A: "yes!" I said throwing my fist in the air like a 5 year old. She giggle a little at my immature actions.
............. Skip car ride
J: "See you tomorrow for tutoring?"
A: "Yes,I'll see you tomorrow." I said pulling her in for a hug. I looked at her and kissed her cheek. I love her so much.
J: "Bye." She said blushing from the kiss on her cheek.
A: " Bye ." I said back. I looked one last time before I got in the car turned the curb. I already miss her. Can't wait to see her at school and after school tomorrow.