Oh me oh my oh
Me and my soggy sombrero
I said you’re a twat
You’ve pissed in my hat
And she said I don’t give a fookero’
Would I go to Spain?
Or dance with a gay senorita
So next year I flew
To the land of Peru
Where the beer is only ten Sol a litre
Pat had the audience repeat the chorus as he made play with his maracas.
When he was finished the crowd gave him a warm round of applause.
He continued telling jokes for his half hour spot then a singing duo called “Girlie came on. Dougie went to the bar as Eddie and Dor’ saint came in. He ordered the round of drinks and then returned with a tray and placed it on the table.
The Girlie’s were singing “Going to the Chapel.”
When Des asked Dor’ how she liked her new washing machine.’
“A bloody holiday to Benidorm would have been better.’
“Never happy women yer na,’ yer buy them the moon and the stars and they want the whole galaxy.’
“I love a galaxy me said John; that smooth chocolate just melts in yer mouth.’
“Nowt wrong with Cadbury’s chocolates. I like the fruit and nut said Vince.
“Whey,’ that’s because all nutters are a bit fruity.’
“Cheeky bugger isn’t he skipper.’
Eddie Saint sipped on his bottle of Newky Brown and then said “I thought we were talkin’ aboot washing machines not chocolate bars.’
“Are we gan t’ play bingo asked Evie Moholam who hadn’t said a word since coming in with John.’
John gave Evie a five pound note and off Evie went with Dor’ to get the bingo books.
The duo sang their last number then went off stage. Immediately the committee men lifted a table in place then the bingo machine. Everything in Clubland had to run like clockwork and the bingo had to start at 7-30pm on the dot.
The girls got their books and returned to their seats. They fumbled in their bags for some marker pens as the committee man sat down and turned on the machine.
“Good evening and welcome to the Chirton Club. We hope that you have enjoyed your first half.’ If you are all ready we will get started so eyes down and look in.’
On its own number seven, Kelly’s eye number one, five, and three fifty three, seven and one seventy one, top of the shop blind ninety. One and seven, seventeen.
Here shouted someone behind them.
Another committee man came over to check the ticket before the caller carried on for the full house.
Don’t you play bingo Paula asked Evie?’
“No I don’t gamble; the church doesn’t like it.’
“We are not in church now though.’
“It doesn’t matter if I am in church or not Mrs Moholam; I would know that I had gambled for money.’