1. That Beautiful Nothing 2
‘Why don’t you give up on her? She is draining you, you have lost yourself. If someone cant see this much love than they don’t deserve it.’ He said it while screaming at me while holding the glass of whiskey in his hand. I kept looking at him. He is a pale skinned tall muscular guy. I am like an ant infront of him. He is still shaking in rage, he is my best friend he is sad to see me in this state. We were both drunk, sad, frustrated with our lives. He shouted again, ‘whats wrong with you? You were crying, and she said she needs to have lunch? How can a girl be so ignorant? From tomorrow you wont try or beg her to talk to you.’ I was crying, my cheeks were salted with teary water. I wept and said, ‘You don’t give up on someone you love, my friend’. He throws the plastic glass towards me and left the room while lighting a cigarette. I lay there with the glass of whiskey and listening to ‘cheers darling’.
It has been 3days since she came back. She left me for nothing came back without any sign. I haven’t had a proper talk with her from the 1st day. I want to talk to her, like old days. Those were my happiest time of my life. She isn’t the same, she is confused. I don’t know what should I do. I am losing myself even after she came back. I want to talk. Just talk.
Love is special gift from god. I am not much of a believer but it’s a gift from god, it’s the proof that he is all powerful and mighty. You work hard in your lifetime you have a chance to die as a rich man but love? It’s the most amazing thing god can offer us. She is god’s favorite, God loves her. I love her unconditionally. Every night she makes me sad, breaks my heart. But sadly I still love her. No matter how she breaks me I try to make her happy. I learn different jokes, act goofy, do things out of my comfort just to make her happy. I love her. And you don’t give up someone you love.
I am standing on the other part of Dhaka. After intense heat it finally rained. The whole city is finally cold. The cold breeze is making me shake. I am wet. I am feeling cold. Smoking one cigarette after another. My pant is soaked in mud. I am sick of stress and broken in heartbreak. I travelled 17km just to take a moment to see her face. Honestly I want nothing I just want to see her face. Her rickshaw stopped. She is standing infront of me. I am trying hard to hold my tears, I am looking down to her feet. Nice white feet with a black shoe. I am trying with all my senses to stop my tear coming out. She said something about standing somewhere I was more concentrating on stopping my tears. I was always a tough guy in my life, taking on people, I was a fighter. But I am weak for this girl. I don’t know why this tear is irritating me but I am happy. I saw her after 12 days. She was standing there with a checked dress. I finally got the courage to look at her. She was beautiful. I cant remember what we said. But she was standing there, I was looking at her. Life is all about the moments we live, I felt like I lived that day. I wish I could live that moment like a loop. That exact moment I finally lived. 2hrs of traffic jam, not eating anything for days it was all worth it. I saw her, I finally saw her. Every moment I see her, I feel like I am seeing her for the very first time. I saw her again she was same as beautiful when I actually saw her in 2011. It was highest 5minutes, but in those 5 minutes I lived a life. If I was a cat, now I got 8 lives to live.
She doesn’t love me. I don’t want her to love me, I want her to stay in my life, She was my butterfly. She makes me happy. She is going home now, I kept on looking at her rickshaw as long as I can. I felt like a part of me is tearing me apart, my organs are tearing itself from the body and walking away. I felt so helpless, the anger. The sadness, the helplessness.
She doesn’t love me. She loves no one. She is like a stone. I will still love her no matter what. May be one day she will remember me and wonder where am I, I will be somewhere around her. Watching her. Its been 5days, we still haven’t talked properly. She told me she would call me back. She didn’t . I am still waiting, its 3am. But I am waiting. Love takes time you have to be hopeful, hope is the only reason I am alive right now. Hope that one day she will hold my hand and say ‘I will never let go of this hand again’.
She will call me, we will talk and I will sleep.