Title: The Other
Author: Emma Coleman
Chapters: I (My apologies. Have a lot of tests coming up)
*closes Physics book and starts reading*
So, as far as I’ve read, the general setting is of a WWI veteran who finds himself suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, and decides to leave again for war as he can’t find himself able to settle into the normal world anymore. I have to say, this is the most original concept I’ve seen in a while. Your dialogues impact the reader clearly, and descriptions are fresh. Now, let’s see how you fare in the basic aspects of story-telling.
1. Narrative: I like the third-person perspective, and it seems its popularity is going up amongst writers and readers alike these days. You efficiently carry the thoughts of the narrator through your words, and that is quite commendable.
2. Descriptions: Gorgeous descriptions, and there wasn’t much that I could find wrong with it. You’re a really good writer!
3. Dialogue: As I said above, it is upto the mark, and doesn’t feel out of place, considering this story is set almost a century back. Good job.
4. Characters: Arthur seems to be quite an intriguing character. You demonstrate his PTSD quite well, even without directly mentioning it. Somehow, he seems a bit apathetic, though, especially when his brother is being buried, but I would probably get to know more about it once I read the later chapters, won’t I?
5. Punctuation: Seems to be on mark. Nothing wrong with it!
6. Plot: As stated earlier, this story is quite unique. I don’t think I’ve ever read a story like this before, and I certainly want to get to reading it in its entirety (once my damn science course ends).
Overall, an excellent beginning to what I am sure will be an amazing story.