Title: The Musketeer
Author: Lady Alora Wiley
Chapters: A Prologue of Sorts – Eagle’s Wing
*Grabs a can of soda and seats himself on the royal throne that is his chair*
Lovely. That is how I would describe the story in one word. Let’s look at each aspect of storytelling and see how you fare.
1. Narrative Competence: Excellent, as usual. Your insights into the story through the mind of Corrine are quite commendable. The reader gets an amazing visual about what’s going on and how everything is unfolding as the story progresses. It seems that you have effective control of the narrative form that is first person.
2. Descriptions: A little more than what is required in some places, especially in the last chapter as of now (Eagle’s Wing). But I guess I can do with it without being too stingy. The humorous tones, however, that you try and add in some places completely seem out of tune with the tension that the scene projects, so try and work on that a bit.
3. Dialogue: Another aspect of writing that you have an amazing grasp of (something that I personally can’t seem to get right sometimes because, well, I’m introverted, so I don’t know how people talk, or how I’m supposed to talk them. But enough about me.) Your lines are quite well delivered and in good taste considering the situations in which the characters find themselves, which is why I want you to work even harder on getting the descriptions right, as the two make a powerful combo if done right.
4. Characters: Okay, while everything else about your story is amazing, this is one aspect where, and I’m sorry to say this, you don’t quite plan on exploring any further than ONE archetypical format. Out of the countless stories of yours that I’ve read (And I’ve reviewed almost ALL of them), for x, y or z reason, your protagonist is quite low on the diversity aspect. Irrespective of gender, the MC is always the same: Rebellious, not giving a damn about others, too proud to listen to anybody. Not that the character type has anything bad to its name. Then again, they’re your characters, so it’s up to you.
5. Punctuation: Used appropriately. I don’t think I found anything wrong with this one.
6. Plot: Quite intriguing. I’m also aware that you’re quite a fan of retellings, so I’ll be looking forward to reading more. But be aware. A retelling is a retelling if and only if its overall plot and ending remains the same, lest it turns into a fanfiction.
Overall: Definitely worth reading. You’re getting quite good at this! Keep it up!