Title: Shadow Girl
Author: The Yeti
*Dramatically blows dust off of the computer* Alright, enough lazing around. Let’s do this!
The Chosen One…hmm, kind of reminds me of the whole thing from Harry Potter, but let’s leave that for now. I think this story, at this point of time, has very little for me to hold on to, but still, I think this story has the potential to turn into a good one, given that chapters three and four seem to hype up the pace unexpectedly, and it kind of pulls you in.
Let’s see how you fare in the basic aspects of storytelling:
1. Narrative: Omniscient third person…huh, this could actually work quite well. There is very little to go on to, but from what I’ve read, this narrative could go well with this kind of a story.
2. Descriptions: From what I’ve read, they seemed to be okay, but obviously need a lot of fine tuning, such as emphasis.
3. Dialogue: Again, there isn’t a lot you’ve written, so it’s kind of difficult for me to judge anything based on this, but it seems like you’ve got the basic idea right. The key, now, is to figure out how to enhance dialogue, and as to how to differentiate between dialogue and conversation.
4. Characters: Um…I mean, they seem nice, but (and I’m saying this for the third time) not a lot for me to go on. Maybe try adding a couple of more chapters and this’ll be much more interesting.
5. Punctuation: Generally good. Nothing wrong here.
6. Plot: Intriguing is all that I can say at this point, and I’m definitely keen about where this is going.
Overall: Keep working on it, and this’ll be a great story!