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11. Prepper- ChelberNo1

Story #10

Title: Prepper

Author: ChelberNo1

Chapters: One-shot

*stuffs mouth full of chicken kebabs*

Holy macaroni! When I read the title, I thought this one was going to be one of those cliché zombie books….but then, you shouldn’t judge a book by its title. (Also, cover, but your cover is freaking beautiful. Props to Christina H. :D)

Let’s see how well you fare in the basic aspects of storytelling.

1. Narrative: Huh. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a free flowing, time lapse kind of narrative. It works surprisingly well with your story. The pace is quite nice, and nobody knows what’s going to happen next. I can pretty much interpret the thoughts of not only the main character (whose name you cleverly don’t divulge to the readers.)

2. Descriptions: Pretty well written, used appropriately along with the dialogue. I can see myself being in the place of the woman, seeing the dystopia through my own eyes (I, however, would probably be the first to die xD). No sign of over-enthusiasm or any other shenanigans like such. Pretty realistic, so kudos!

3. Dialogue: Again, pretty well written. The way the dialogue shows the MC’s transformation from a simple child to a paranoid one is pretty stupendous. Good job on that one.

4. Characters: I like the way the MC thinks. I’m into gore and stuff as well, so I feel that I can relate. I also quite like the fact that you don’t make her Mary Sue in terms of being perfect. She may have perception skills beyond others, but she’s still cluttered.

5. Punctuation: Perfect. Not a single (major) mistake that I could make out to be there.

6. Plot: Quite intriguing. I’d read a similar story a while ago, about how a character thinks that everybody in the world is dead, except for him, and all the other humans are just aliens in disguise. Even though he seems to be delusional, with his friends and all trying to convince him otherwise, in the end, he’s actually right, as he’s the lone survivor of the human race. So, when I was reading this, I already had an inkling that her prediction would come true.

Overall: This is certainly a masterpiece for a one-shot, leaving you craving for more. The cliffhanger allows multitudes of possible plots to progress towards. I hope you somehow find a way to continue the story, or perhaps, let this serve a brief prologue to something bigger. Best of luck!

-KuraiSenshi

 

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