By Prof. May Hayashi*
Mathematics. Mathematica. Even typing the word just fills me with a glorious joy one cannot even express through the limitations of the English language - however it can be expressed simply by the formula:
Mmmm! Isn't it glorious?
This level of excitement cannot be contained within the range of my own domain. Thus, I have set out upon the journey of mathematical enlightenment, my only aim to raise the mean average knowledge of the wonderment that is maths.
Some say I have become obsessed by such a "pointless" task, to those I say (as I sit here in my beautiful cave of algebra) is there any greater objective? So what if I have been forced onto the streets by the lack of a proper vocation? I live happy, in the knowledge that the purity of numerical constants remains.
And now, after literal decades of gently plodding around its circumference, I believe I have completed the approximate 3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 diameters that make up the full circle. And I am, finally, ready to show the world my finest work.
So prepare yourself, relax and lay out your graph paper, allow yourself to gently scribe the gradients you long to see become reality. Turn the page softly, forming a perfect cylinder around the x-axis, and enjoy The Complete Glossary of Mathematics.
*May Hayashi is a professor of Mathematics at the University of Dunav