I left Michael and went straight to Ashton's room, knowing good and well that I shouldn't. I needed time apart from him to figure shit out. But there was that whole fighting gravity thing. It was useless to even try to stay away from him, because I couldn't do it. If I hadn't been so wasted, maybe it would have been possible, for a little while anyway.
Security must have thought that Ashton was okay to leave unattended, because they were nowhere to be seen. I tapped on his door, and he opened it in just a couple of seconds.
He let me in and stood still before me, probably wondering how I was going to react. I reacted without even thinking. It was like my hands had a mind of their own, and went straight to his bare chest. That one touch was all it took for me to lose my resolve. In that moment I was sure that I could never walk away from him. How could I even function without him?
I slid my hands up and around his neck, and kissed along the trail that my hands had gone. I heard him release a sigh from the breath he'd been holding. We gravitated toward the bed, kissing, touching, and exploring each other along the way, as though it was all new to us. We took our time, and other than the moans we were unable to control, neither of us spoke a single word until the next morning.
I woke up feeling shitty, as I knew I would after drinking so much. Ashton was still asleep, sprawled out on his belly, looking so peaceful. I could have watched him sleep forever. I lay there for a while, and tried to go back to sleep, but it was useless. I finally got my phone and fooled around on it to pass the time.
I jumped when I didn't realize Ashton was awake, and out of the blue he asked, "You believe in fate, right?" I chuckled at myself and turned to him and nodded. "Then you probably believe in soulmates."
Again, I nodded. Then after thinking about it for a few seconds, I said, "Yes, but I also believe that soulmates aren't always meant to be in your life forever. I think they can be temporary, based on your life at the time. What about you?" I was afraid he'd find some hidden meaning in my answer and it would set him off again, but luckily it didn't.
"I do. And I believe in my heart that we're soulmates, even if you don't think so."
"But I do think so."
He finally gave me the most genuinely happy smile I'd seen since the incident the night before. And it helped clear the air of that dark, somber cloud that was hanging over us despite our intense lovemaking hours before.
I told him, "I love you. I can't imagine not being with you, and I know I'll never feel this way about anyone else."
After looking at me intently for a few seconds, Ashton asked, "Then why are we hiding?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why are we hiding from everyone? If this is so special, why can't I take you out in public and at least attempt to do normal things that normal couples do? I know there's really nothing normal about my life, but if I could at least have that, it would be amazing."
I thought back to the previous night's crazy talk about quitting the band because he wanted some normalcy to his life. And then I thought about that random urge I'd had later on, wanting to tell everyone that we were together. Maybe it was more than me being jealous. Maybe it was fate trying to tell me that it was the right thing to do. If I could give Ashton that one tiny thing that we non-famous people take for granted, maybe it really would help him feel more secure about us and stop being so jealous. It was just a few days from that promised nine month point anyway. Though, up until then, I was hoping he'd forgotten about that deal.
I sat up to put a tiny bit of distance between us, so I could gather my thoughts without looking directly at Ashton's face. Because God knows my mind is a pile of mush when I look at him. The sheet fell down to my waist, and Ashton took that as an invitation to help himself to my naked torso. He his fingers skimmed my back, then my arm up to my shoulder, and down to play with my breast. Talk about my brain being a pile of mush...
After a short pleasurable moment, I removed his hand and kissed it, then laced my fingers with his. Then I sat against the pillows and covered back up.
I was still trying to make a decision when Ashton asked, "What are you thinking about that's so important?"
"How do you know I'm thinking about something important? Maybe I'm thinking about what I want for breakfast."
He shook his head and reached up and touched my forehead between my eyes. "Nope. It's more serious than that because you get this little wrinkle right here when you're thinking about something important."
"Do me a favor and never mention the word 'wrinkle' in relation to my face again." I was laughing, but I seriously hated the thought of wrinkles, because I knew it wouldn't be long until I'd have to deal with them.
"Oh, come on, beautiful. You have the skin of an 18 year old, minus the acne. But seriously, what are you thinking about?"
It was things like that that made me realize how special Ashton was. He took time to get to know everything about me, even the little things that didn't really matter. I couldn't think of a single thing he didn't know about me, even the bad and embarrassing things. He accepted all my flaws and loved me unconditionally, just as I loved him. Sure, he had issues, but I prayed we could work through them, together.
I slid down further under the sheet and ran my fingers through Ashton's hair. He loved to have his hair played with. He was practically purring.
"Well, I actually was thinking about what I want for breakfast."
"Okay, there's more to it."
He raised an eyebrow, waiting for my explanation.
"I'm hungry. Let's get out of here and go get something to eat."
"Not until you tell me what you were thinking about, missy."
I was trying to hint at it, but apparently I wasn't very good at giving hints. "Let's go get some breakfast... together... in a public place. Geez." I rolled my eyes, exaggerating my annoyance that he wasn't understanding me. My heart was beating out of my chest at the mere thought of anyone seeing us together and realizing that we were together. The worst that could come of it was the immature teenage fans sending hateful comments and wishing I would die, right? All I had to do was ignore it. Easy peasy.
I swear, I don't know if it really took Ashton that long to get what I meant, or if he just couldn't believe it. But it took forever before he shot up in the bed and pounced on top of me.
"I fucking love you, Aubree. And the whole world is going to know. And I don't give a fuck if anyone has a problem with it. Love is love, and I love you, and.... fuck I love you." He kissed me harshly and I knew it was going to be a few more minutes before we made it out of the bed.
After we finally got up and showered (together, you know, to conserve water and all), I sent Traci a text when we were about to walk out the door. I let her know to expect her Twitter timeline to explode. And I silently prayed, God have mercy on us.