Hellfire (Honest Version)

This is my entry for the SongFic competition. Enjoy and wish me luck!


1. Hellfire (Honest Version)

A/N: This is sung by Claude Frollo, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Note to Frollo: if you're praying to Mary about wanting to pork a gypsy, you might want to learn these lyrics.

Beata Maria

You know I am the evil one

For killing panicked women makes me bad

Beata Maria

You know I am more evil than

The gypsy girl who tried to save the day

Then tell me, Maria

Why I have a crush on her

Why I find this hero super hot

I want her, I crave her

The heterosexual is gone

Replaced by all the gayness that I've hid

Like fire, hellfire

This boner in my soul

This burning desire

Does not negate my...sin.

(red monks emerge)

It's not her fault

I am to blame

It is the gypsy girl who tried to end this game

It's not her fault

My evil plan

The devil is irrelevant as flame

Believe me, Maria

I once lied to the audience

Don't let the haters screw my flesh and bone

Destroy Esmeralda

And let her feel heaven's embrace

Or else let her be mine, despite our age...

(man knocks on door)

"Minister? Esmeralda escaped with the hunchback. She's nowhere in our grip."

"What?! Get out! Get out, you idiot! I'm busy singing the world's best Disney song! I'll sing it! I'll sing it if I have to spoil the entire movie!"

I'm awesome

Also gay

Just like this epic song

I stand by this flame pit

Be mine for I am gay!

God, keep me in office

God, save her from the flames

And yet she'll pork my arse

Or she will burn!!!

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