45. the funeral
It has been a month since he died I haven't been talking to anyone. Today was his funeral he wanted me to speak I didn't want to I mentally couldn't but I owed him. When we got to the church every one greeted me with hugs and kisses. I sat in the front row and waited till I had to speak. I didn't have a speech prepared so I had to think of one quickly but nothing came to mind. "Can I have Skyler More please?" The Priest asked
I walked to the podium and clears my throat. "Hi um I'm Skyler light More um I was Niall's um... We were." I couldn't think of anything my mind was blank. Then I stole a glance at the casket I saw Niall. But it wasn't him Niall didn't have blue lips and he wasn't paler then pale. But it was Niall's body. It was Niall. I looked at his lifeless body for about 10 seconds and a few tears escaped my eyes. The words just splurged out "Niall and I are complicated. I love him. Yes love instead of loved because I still do. He died for me he gave me his heart I don't want it I never wanted it. If i was awake at the time he made this decision I would have fought with everything in me to not let him sign the papers. I-l should have died not him. They say life wasn't made for everyone but it was made for him. And he didn't even get to live it. This service is supposed to be for me not him. People keep on saying he did this cause he loved me. If this is love I don't want to be apart of it. I hate him for loving me when I don't deserve it and I hate him for giving his life up for me. But I love him for loving when no on else would and I love him for giving his life up for me. I hate love but I can't not love him. What is love to me? Love is what Niall showed me and he showed me love is kind and it's messy and its-it's beautiful he gave his life up for me .I'm so sorry Mrs and Mr Horan for your lose." I finished and then took my seat again.
When the service was over we went to the grave site were Niall would be.... When they lowered him in the ground I felt my heart sink with it. I got a rose and put it on the grave stone that said 'In loving memory of Niall James Horan a son an uncle a musician a friend'
I will always love him no matter what. I stared down at my ring he gave me. He loves me and I love him that's all that matters. I'll see him soon and until then I'll wait. I'll wait for him.