When my mom knocked on my door this morning, I told her I couldn't go to school. I had to rest after the blackout and was still feeling dizzy. She kept asking me if I needed anything but I just told her to go to work.
I've been sitting in my room all day, just thinking about everything and nothing. The worst part about anxiety is that you don't always know what's bothering you, but you feel the pain. And I am feeling the pain. It's tearing up my inside. I've never been good enough for anyone, I just can't think straight. My head feels like it's gonna explode.
Then I hear a knock on the front door. What do I do? I'm still wearing my pajamas and I look like something a dog pooped out. But I decide to open up, it is sure just our neighbor. So I open up the door and almost fall backwards when I see that it's Meadow standing there. "Hey! I asked the teacher for your address, I've been so worried about you! Are you alright?"
I couldn't squeeze a word out of my mouth I could instantly feel how nervous I was, exactly like when I had to be in school just worse. So I waved.. Waved. What was I even doing? I'm so embarrassed of myself. "Eh.. You really shouldn't be here. I'm just gonna.. Ruin the flower"
For a second she looked weirdly at me, but somehow it felt like she understood, even though I was stuttering and couldn't end a sentence.
"You're not ruining me, you're ruining yourself by keeping distance to people. Maybe you haven't been lucky with friends, but I know that you're a great person. Even though you have anxiety. Your disorder doesn't define who you are and I know it's hard, but you'll get through it. If you have someone by your side. And I want to be there."
I started kicking my leg. "Well, I don't think you would want to be friends with a person who can't think straight."
"I would love to, I can't think straight when I'm with you either."
She smiles. Oh I could faint, her smile is the best thing that happened to this earth. "But. I..
I didn't get to finish the sentence before her lips were on mine. They were soft and every problem and every thought seemed to fade away.